My wife and I generally have a great marriage. Sure we have problems like everyone else but we have two beautiful children, our health and we seem to get over the small bumps and potholes O.K.
Where we are having big problems is my career. We live in a location where there isn't very much future for my job. (In fact there may be no job at all!?) I can see great potential for US if we move to an area where the industry is much larger. (More money, better jobs etc.) The problem is that she doesn't want to move.
Both of us come from the same small town and we both agree that we love it here, the kids love it here and we will always call it home. If I won the lotto tomorrow, the idea of moving would be out the window. The place we would have to move is a city and far away from both our families.
This issue is getting very big and I think it may ultimately distroy a great family.
She works part time, only because our children are young. I have had great luck the past few years and have been making a very good salary for our location. My job is ending and I have a chance to get take one in said city making a little better; with the idea to use this as a stepping stone for a better one.
I have agreed to a trial period of two years although my friends in the industry say five isn't enough! My wife seems happy to sit around until we fall flat on our face.
What should I do? Let this oppurtunity pass by to show her that the bank doesn't care that we love each other and that they really want to be paid? I could do the long distance thing for a very short time as I miss her and the kids alot, (just did two weeks looking for a job to test the market, got this one) I'm thinking we might even like it if we both give it a real chance, but if she goes with a bad attitude we are doomed for failure. I want ot make this and our marriage work. I would be willing to make a career change here at home if I saw that she was truly sad away. It would mean less than half of an income though.
Does anyone have any advice??

Have you sat down at the dinner table and actually put 'this down on paper?' All the pros and all the cons.<p>My wife and I were in a similar situation not too long ago. We were in a marvelous little town, but the pay really was low, we got behind on bills (Bill collectors are now knocking at the door) and some other stuff was going on and we heard that there were job openings back where we used to work (And said we would never come back too).<p>Any how, to make a long story short, we sat down, put pencil to paper and decided that if we were going to be in an inperfect place, we might as well get paid for it, sock some away and look for that opportunity to make a better move later.<p>Once our decision was made we found a U-haul and moved in less than five days. Our former employers were not amused, but we doubled our salary......<p>Best of luck to you.

I think you need to define 'better'. More money is not always better. It's amazing how little we really need to live well. Do we really need a new car every 4 years? Or a big screen tv? Is chocolate moche latte every morning a real necessity? <p>I have three children-ages 21, 19 and 12. Let me tell you, from my experience, they need just as much supervision past the grade school years as during them. I think it's best for everyone if Mom can be there when they get off the school bus. And the closeness of family is no small thing either.<p>There are tons of ways to economize and make more of less. Dozens of websites devoted to it.<p>I'm just saying...everyone has their own priorities and I respect that. I just don't think that when I'm laying around waiting to die that I'll be more grateful for a mink coat than for the children around my bedside.<p>[ February 19, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

Thanks for the input from both of you. Getting her to the table to do the pros and cons is a good idea if she is even willing to do that. <p>As far as better;... well, we have two vechicles, one is 12 years old while the other is 8. We need two because both our jobs are driving distance away and I don't want to leave her w/o a car esp. when she is home with the kids. We don't have an extravagent lifestyle now & we won't if we move.
However, we should be able to aford a new car that won't break down, I would be able to bike to work and she would be able to stay at home with the kids as much as she wants.(We do see the benefit in home supervision)
But, she also gets a great deal of satisfaction form her part time job and if we get comfortable in this new city her career would take off as well if we decide thats the root to take. (she teaches so being home for the kids in off school time wouldn't be too much of an issue,... once both are in school,... 4 1/2 and 22 months)
My problem is if we pass this opp up what will become of us?? I would rather give it a try and fail than not try at all. We will always be able to come back home and pick up where we left off. We will always have ties at home.
Remember that my job is ending, and if I sit on my [censored] and let it happen I will be on unemployment. I would make more doing that than working at a different job, so where's the initiative?? I want to get into a new position before that happens.
How can I convince her to give it a hook. Moreover is there any advice on consessions I could/should make to convince her? The more I write and think about this the more I am convinced that its a no brainer, we have to go!!
I need some support from my wife on this and if I can't get it where is our marriage?? HELP!<p>P.S.
The inlaws are not being very helpful at all. Advice on getting them out of the decision making process w/o telling them to #*^$-off would be appreciated.

Well, the difficult thing is that there comes a point where someone has to make a decision. Is she willing to consider a temporary move and see how things turn out? Is she afraid to move away from home and family? <p>When I was 20 I moved from Indiana to Texas and have been here since...but now, I don't know if I could make a big move like that...on the other hand, if my family was gonna starve, I'd be packing boxes right now! I might even move to Oklahoma if I had to.