First time posting here.
Brief Sitch:
Married 7 years, together 8 1/2
Seperated 3yrs (2 physically & 1 emotionally)
Me 40
Her 30
Son 4
We had a good stable marriage with its typical ups and downs. We both worked, baby was born she was an at home mom, (which we both wanted).
After baby was born we grew apart physically, I worked alot of hours and was dealing with 3 major life events simultaneously. 1) being new parent, 2) New Home, 3) dying father.
The stress of so much was wearing me down and we slowly drifted apart. She was having a hard time adjusting to it all (except my father who she hated), I felt abandonded and she didnt adjust well with being a new mom. Communication broke down and I was watching our son get less and less attention.
I thought about divorce for 2 months before we talked about it, it completely obliterated her world, it was NOT what I wanted at all but she didnt seem to care about the marriage or putting anything into it. I'll admit that with all that was going on I didn't have time to concentrate on what was important, that being our marriage.
We talked about divorce plans then we both moved back to FL from MI in 2001. She went back to work and left me to fend raising our child by myself basically while she worked, made new friends, partied wildly. We lived together for 1 year before seperating. When we moved back to FL I really thought it would be our opportunity to work things out in a new environment and re-focus on us, she had other ideas. I really wanted to talk things thru with her but she was never there to talk to, if we would have then we would never have seperated, we both agree on that.
Year 1 of seperation she didnt want anything to do with me or our son, she was more focused on partying and having a good time, she got back into pot and alcohol big time due to the influences she was around (her roommate didnt help either).
Trying to balance raising a son and holding a job at the same time had a lot of rough roads and I went thru 4 jobs in 1 year due to daycare issues and whatnot. I did make it a point do continually stand by her even though she completely detested me.
Meanwhile she has had the same job and NO parental responsibilitys for over 2 years.
Year 2:
The anger has subsided somewhat and we are getting along better as good friends but she keeps hanging around bad influences and people that keep telling her to "remember all the bad things that broke you up", and people who are ultimately affecting our relationship and her relationship with our son.
I have made it clear that I do want her in my life and want to raise our son together and work on every aspect our marriage as a team.
She says I have hurt her too much to ever come back, and that all the past bad stuff will just repeat itself and she cannot go thru that again.
I want my marriage so incredibly much and I want my wife so incredibly much and I have done a lot of private counseling to better myself and our marriage and what I want out of it IF we get back together but this time apart not working on us is slowly destroying everything we can have and is affecting our son very very much. He wants his mommy but she doesnt want to take time to care.
We both have agreed NOT to divorce.
I am considering a job move to another state and she said "your taking me with you if you do go right?, cuz I'm not going to be without my son" Naturally I said yes.
<small>[ April 10, 2004, 08:16 AM: Message edited by: HunterFox ]</small>
