Some of you know my sordid story, so won't repeat it, except to say that for the first 6-7 months after I moved out, I did everything I could to appease my wife, paid for just about everything, worked on the marriage, etc., etc. All this did nothing for my marriage, but sure woke me up.

Last week, I informed my wife that I had to take her off the medical, extended health, and dental plans (this was upon the advice of my employer - in writing), as she had been on the plans since we separated and should not have been. I was very sorry when I informed her, but she had been expecting it and handled it well. Note: for you Americans out there, please don't tell me about Cobra and all this stuff that does not apply to Canadians. I've heard it all before, but know it is within my rights, not to mention obligations, to take her off my plan if we are separated or divorced.

Anyway, I just told her last night that I am subtracting from the money I pay her the lawyer fees I was charged for legal advice after she changed the locks on our house. I have also informed her that, beginning in May, I will be paying fewer bills so I can afford my own place (I have been sponging off relatives far too long). Confess, I am feeling more and more vindicated. I really have a problem with anyone who makes the decision to separate/divorce, but still expects life to be as usual in the money department. Damn it, divorce hurts people, and is wrong. Just wish she would wake up. I would still take her back if she made the tiniest effort to work on the marriage.

Just need to speak my peace. No comments expected.

Shaken

I'm confused with all this "She Said" -- "He Said".

Man...too many posts to read.

Perhaps you all want to consider counselling -- including the 25-year-old daughter and anyone else who is enmeshed in this real life drama.

OOPSSSSSSSs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
^ that was meant for Faith4Me's post that's into 4 pages now!
Sorry 'bout that!

Shaken,

It sounds like your living by life but you are actually doing the things that I have not been able to bring myself to yet.

I just haven't had the locks changed on me yet.

I think you deserve alot of credit for taking the steps to keep yourself from being stepped on.

WIWH

Sbns,

It's called boundaries and we have to set them for ourselves. It takes a while to get there though. It comes from Love and Logic which is a form of disipline to use with kids. But works real well on x's. The first thing is to take care of yourself. You are doing that, and you are setting boundaries, not paying anymore. Good for you.

I do not believe that the one that intiates the divorce or seperation she still get all of the just desserts. They wanted out, they go with nothing in my book!! Specially when they were selfish enough to bring in a third party.

Just my 2 cents!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ut Oh.... I am the one who initiated because of her not wanting to help our marriage. Does that mean I have to come out of this with all my toys taken away? I feel like standing with my nose in a corner and think about what I have done. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />