Hello,
My frustration is that my wife is distrustful of me. She insists that I am having email affairs with other women, insists that I am having affairs with girls that work in dept stores, supermarkets etc. She says nasty comments about any girls that she feels looks better than she does when we are in public, at the mall etc. and accuses me of looking at them and wanting them. She constantly has to know for sure that I am at work and wants me to keep a chat messenger on so she can always be in contact with me. She recently got a cell phone with caller ID so that when she pages me and I call she can see where I'm calling from. I've done nothing of anything she has accused me of, I'm home when I'm not at work and I seldom travel out of town. When she is working on the weekend she constantly calls to see if I'm on the phone or computer and gets mad if I run to the store without her. She says that since I don't do these same things that I don't care about her. I told her I think it is more about her lack of trust and insecurities and has nothing to do with caring or loving someone. Prior to my envolvement with her she did have a live in boyfriend who cheated on her in the manners she claims I am doing. She insists that for her to trust me I should let her view both my personal email account and my work email account. And she says she wants me to tell her about every conversation I have during the day with everyone because thats sharing my life with her and she feels if I don't then she won't know anything about me. This whole thing is driving me nuts! anyone have any suggestions?

Marriage counseling and/or individual therapy? She must have some deeply rooted insecurities to be so suspicious of every move you make. She might also need some medication that might help with paranoia.<p>Yep, I think a trip to the medical doctor/psychiatrist for a medication evaluation and to the marriage counselor is in order. <p>This opinion and a buck will get you coffee at McDonalds.

I agree with diddallas. Your wife sounds like she is mentally ill. She needs therapy immediately.
I would assume she will claim there is nothing wrong with her and will refuse to go. Her illness will increasingly get worse and worse. You will have to take proactive measures to get her help or you will end up being a prisoner and an enabler to her illness. I gurantee you she will only get progressively worse without treatment.
Do you really wish to live your life this way?
Be kind and demand that your wife be evaluated.
You owe to each other. Good Luck.

I have a husband that is alot like your wife, and I can understand your frustration and hurt!! Unfortunately I don't have an answer for you and I am looking for an answer for myself. He too thinks I have some sort of email thing going, always has little comments, he has accused me of having affairs with the guys from work, with friends, with his best friends as well. I can't dance with anybody else at any of the hall dances without him getting jelous. It is so bad that when i am watching a tv show that has some sort of adultery in it he sits and tells me later that I am getting all nervous and it shows that I must of had an affair on him. Just before xmas he was so mad at me for months, after pulling it out of him he tells me that its b/c he saw me looking at his friends [censored]! Which I don't even remember!(and if I did which I'm sure I didn't, what the hell is the big deal!!!) The big thing with him is that when he gets a jelous idea in his head he will give me the silent treatment and get mad at everything and anything else for around a month, then this intial jelous thought turns into something huge! I then have to pull it out of him and its something absoloutely ridiculous, and he by this time has totally convinced himself that whatever situation he has thought of has to be true. We are right now in one of those push me away silent treatments, its been around 3 days now, he totally blew up at me and my 12 yr old daughter about the kitchen being messy, even though alot of the mess was his in the first place, even though he is home all day and I work all day (he doesn't work for 41/2 months in the winter) I phoned him this morning and I did ask him whats wrong and all he said is "the lack of respect" what ever that means, I know it all has to do with some stupid jelous thought and what really hurts is that my daughter has to be caught in the middle of it.
So this time I am not giving into him, I am not going to pull it out of him, over the years I have realized that this the jelousy thing is "his problem" and nothing I do or say makes it better. This kind of realization and philosophy for myself has helped some, I have had to not let these accusations hurt me so much as it would in the past.
Sorry...this is supposed to be about you! What do you do when she says these things, what is your reaction to it? I have swore to myself over and over, that the next time it happens I will just say "thats it, its over, I can't take it anymore!" but I still love the damn guy for some odd reason and I just don't have the balls to do it!I just end up crying. I know I haven't helped you in anyway, but thought that it would be nice to hear from somebody that deals with the same kind of crap!
I do believe it has alot to do with insecurity, do you know what it was like for her growing up? Is she from a divorced family?? I truly beleive alot of my H problems comes from his youth, he doesn't know his real dad, he left his mom when she got pregnant, his mother put him up for adoption but went back and got him a few days later, this is like a big secret and not talked about, he told me about once and only once, his half sisters (his mom married someone else) ask me about it, plus alot of other crap he went through. I do know the frustration of it, especially when you love someone so much and you are accused of such horrible things you have never done, it almost makes you think sometimes, I should go out and do it at least I would deserve all this crap! All i can say is you do have to realize that it is "thier" problem and I really wish i had an answer for it.

Thanks for the replies so far. each of you has added something of value. Fed Up....what you describe sounds very familiar to what I am going through. I guess insecurity and jealousy have no gender preference.