You all know about the Dr who won't commit to anything until I have been physically away from my ex-h for a year. I like him, I would like to pursue a relationship with him - but since that won't happen anytime soon, and he wants both of us to keep our options open - I am still dragging up dates with other men.

No responses needed - just want to vent a little - more of a pity party than anything else.

I was on one online dating service and decided that one was a little too meat markety (after I ran across some pretty suggestive pictures - is anybody watching what people are posting - I don't think they are), and joined one that requires a personality profile and a lengthy questionnaire to be filled out before they match you with someone who would be good for you based on how you answered the q's. That is fine - I am good with that, and yes I have to say that the few men I have gone back and forth with do seem to fit what I want/need in a partner.

So I had a date this afternoon - we met over iced tea - and you know, my first impressions are he is a thumbs up, he is handsome and very much a southern gentleman. He is tall and I love that - but no spark like I felt when I met the Dr. We had a nice enough time, good conversation..but no big boom..

And I drove home - feeling crappy about myself. And - even though I know the answer - I wondered all the way home - when will someone like me and want to take that next step? - I mean a good, healthy person who really is a nice match for me - physically, emotionally, all that stuff we all want - one who doesnt' think I need to wait a set amount of time before I just jump right in to another relationship - and honestly it has been 8 months since I moved out of my house and away from the ex-h.

I do much better in my life when I have a man to share it with. I have had enough me time - I am doing things socially, I am working, I have a dog that needs my time, love and attention, I don't care a sh.. less about what my ex-h is up to, I don't miss him...but I miss having a person.

I miss affection, and love, and kind smiles, and being touched in a sweet way, and the phone call in the middle of the day just to say Hey I am thinking about you - wanted to hear your voice.

I want to walk into a room and be greeted with a hug and I would like to, well...

I don't feel damaged, but I do feel like there is a big scarlet letter on my back - that would be a big "D" for divorcee not "A" for Adulterer! And I want to know when that will fade away - and men won't get all freaky. And when I will find a big boom again, because I just don't have much hope for this "thing" with the Dr.

It takes time. And that is the only answer and I know that and when it happens (and these things can't be planned now can they?) all this misery I am putting myself through will fade and I will forget that dating sucks even more after a divorce than when you are and have always been single.

I was told by the counselor, that once you are divorced there is a stigma that goes with the BIG "D". At least I don't have the BIG "A" to go with it, my ex does. A divorced person does have a harder time, just plain simple, harder time. There is the flawed thinking, that something is wrong with you. That is why the marriage didn't last.

I wouldn't concentrate so much on finding that special guy. I would just have fun, do things that are fun for you. If you work too hard at it, you are putting all your effort into that one speck of your life. Look at all the other specks, and work on them. Exercising, going to classes to improve your health, yoga, biking, joinging a church, religion, how about habitat for humanities. So much that you can do, and take your dog with you. I have a dog, and I am going to take her and my bird with me. For the animal does create a way of introducting oneself.

I do think that you are obsessed with this Dr. If you were to just work on other things, and who knows, maybe that right person will come out, then great.