My wife and I have been married for seven years, together for nine. We have been trying to have a child over the past year or so.<p>Since September, my wife has been somewhat down or depressed, and she started seeing a therapist. One night she came home and said that she loved me but wasn't in love with me any more. She said it felt like we were living like brother and sister. She also mentioned complacency when describing our relationship.<p>After my wife shocked me with her revelation, she decided that we should separate, and she moved out. I still doesn't make sense to me. How can you go from trying to have a baby to separating?<p>In addition to her individual therapy (she has lots of other issues including being the child of two alcoholics), we started seeing a marriage counselor. The counselor had some great insights about our marriage and our pasts. Unfortunately, my wife found the therapy "too intense." She decided that she needs to work on her first, which I agree with.<p>I am hurt, sad, angry, and lonely. I know I can survive without my wife, but I just can't give up.<p>I love my wife. She is the only person I want to be with. I am trying to be patient and give her space. I don't call and beg her to come, etc... <p>Has anyone ever gone through something like this before? What does "I'm not in love with you anymore" really mean? What can I do? What shouldn't I do? HELP!

I'm refusing to give up! My husband recently told me (just 2 days before our 19th anniversary) that he loves me, but is not "in love" with me anymore. Frankly, I made a promise to stay by his side until death do we part -- and I intend to do everything in my power to keep that committment. I just found this site yesterday. After reading through some of the pages, I can definitely see myself doing some of the "love busters". I, too, am trying to be patient and understand what he needs. Although he keeps saying that I'm a wonderful wife, obviously I'm not fulfilling his personal needs. He's not been able to tell me what it is that he needs, but I'm hoping that my calmness and desire to work things out and by using the questionnaires here will open him up to start feeling connected again.
I've ordered a couple of the books from here -- can't wait to start reading them when they arrive. I keep reciting the Serenity Prayer. It gives me some peace during this VERY disturbing time.
I know this doesn't answer your own questions, but I thought it might help to know that someone else is going through the same thing. Take care.

Thanks. I does make me feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one going through this. At the same time, it makes me feel somewhat hopeless.

Are u sure she has not found someone else>>>??? So far you have mentioned some of the first signs of an affair. I love you but not in love with you.. bring up past... moving out... not willing to work on marriage. etc. No doubt she was withdrawling from you a little at a time... etc. Just a thought... although I would hate to plant that idea in your head if not true... but thats what happened to me.. I didn't believe it but I found out my worst nightmare was reality. Even if you ask if there is someone else... they will deny it to your face and make you feel like you are the NUT.

Yep, Wife hit me with "not emotionally connected to me" just a few months ago. Will not go to marriage counselor, but goes to Personal counselor. Has admitted that she has her needs for fun meet with other people. What other needs are being meet? Who knows? I continue to try but I am just being confronted with resentment at every turn. So I know what you mean. I get so frustrated with the whole thing I could just scream. But I don't. We are still in the same house same bed. No sex. I still want it she doesn't understand why. It's a mess I just want it to go away. It won't. I pray for some kind of change everyday. So far nothing works.