I have been separated for 6 months. I have no intentions of going back. Yet I grieve like he has just died. He was abusive for most of our thirty year marriage. You'd think I would be running to the lawyer. I have the papers, I just need to turn them in. Why can't I? Why is this so hard?

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 02:44 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

It’s completely normal. And most people don’t understand why you’re hurting when it was your choice, your decision and what’s obviously the best for you. At least what I’ve observed in my own life.

It takes a while. It got better once I had a routine. But I was only married for 8 years. So, can you break down the pain? Is there some fear? some guilt? some disappointment? some bitterness? some resentment? some other emotions?

Dear friend- "Third Day..." does pique my curiosity. Christ himself overcame 30 years of "abuse," choosing to suffer the confines of humanity, permitting temporal elements to affect his eternal glory, and submitting to humiliation, rejection, anguish and a torturous death. When He came out of the tomb on Resurrection Sunday, He defeated sin, death, and the grave. In the garden, He asked Mary a provacative question which I will repeat to you today: "Why are you crying? Who are you looking for?"

I cannot say that I understand the pain in your heart, but I know God does. He Himself described marriage as a "one-flesh" relationship. Intertwined, woven like a fine tapestry. Wouldn't you be in distress if someone came in and ripped a chunk out of your living room rug? Certainly, because it's supposed to all go together. The same is true, only much more so, for marriage. It's more like a surgical procedure without anesthetics to remove an arm or leg or your very heart. Your pain was not part of the design God has for marriage, but it is also not something you just have to "get used to."

I encourage you to seek the Risen Christ, first and foremost! Your husband with his pain and suffering will never be able to alleviate your pain because he himself is broken. Only the Lord of Life and Love can fully heal your broken heart, and then restore you to a place where you can fully, completely love others...including your husband.

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 02:43 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

ThirdDayFan,
We don't know a lot of details about your situation. I have been married almost as long as you and I certainly don't want to burn any bridges behind me after such a long marital history. Could you give us some more background information to help support you?

I am also a Third Day fan (assuming you refer to the band). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> If that's the case, then I think Familyman makes a good point. Perhaps the reason it seems so difficult for you is because it's just not in your heart to divorce. Ending a marriage, especially after being married 30 years AND only being separated for 6 months, is a pretty serious step. If you are still in the grieving process, then let God have time to work on you and your spouse. What is He trying to tell you, and to work in you, during this period? Third Day has an old song called "You Are Not Alone". So true <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 13, 2004, 06:29 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Yes, I am a Christian. I know and admire Dr. Dobson, but haven't read his book, Love must be tough. I didn't know that he addressed abuse in this book. Thank you for letting me know. I'll try it. To answer your inquiry, yes we did try counselling. Several times. But he continued to be abusive. That is the reason I left, the abuse. I was afraid for my life. I have left 4 times. This time I cried out to God to come and take me from my husband and he did miracleously. I have spent weeks fasting and praying and seeking Godly counsel. I feel confident in this decision for divorce, I just can't proceed. Perhaps this is just a period for grieving before I can proceed, I don't know. I feel better just talking about it with you and others. Thank you.

btw: Third Day Rocks!

Yes, I am a Christian. I know and admire Dr. Dobson, but haven't read his book, Love must be tough. I didn't know that he addressed abuse in this book. Thank you for letting me know. I'll try it. To answer your inquiry, yes we did try counselling. Several times. But he continued to be abusive. That is the reason I left, the abuse. I was afraid for my life. I have left 4 times. This time I cried out to God to come and take me from my husband and he did miracleously. I have spent weeks fasting and praying and seeking Godly counsel. I feel confident in this decision for divorce, I just can't proceed. Perhaps this is just a period for grieving before I can proceed, I don't know. I feel better just talking about it with you and others. Thank you.

btw: Third Day Rocks!

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 02:43 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

I am a 47 year old grandmother of 6 that loves Third Day Music. Their music is ageless. It speaks truth.
This is the 4th time I have left my H. About 2 1/2 years ago he was saved so I came home and thought things would be different. Well things were different but the abuse continued. He is suppose to be a Christian. However Light and darkness cannot live in the same body. I have cried, waited, prayed, fasted, and counseled. I have not entered into this decision lightly. It has been the most difficult decision in my life. As a matter of fact I have argued with God for three weeks about filing for divorce. One day I am strong and the next weak. One day I think he has changed and the next I am shown that he hasn't. But two weeks ago he made the statement that "he doesn't think in his own mind that he ever did anything to scare me to death". This was a slap in the face for me and a stark reality that not only has he not made any progress while I've been gone, but that he has actually re-gressed. Now this is after he has had 9wks of anger mgmt and lots of counseling. I cannot go back to being afraid for my life. God took me out of that situation. Why would I want to go back, and yet I sometimes wonder if I am doing the right thing.

ugh.... this kind of thing just depresses me even more....

meh... I think 3rd Day is alright.... I like Project 86 better.

Boy, ThirdDayFan, I can relate to your grief, indecision, and longing for things to change. I have been separated 1 1/2 years and am again struggling with wanting back everything I left.

2 things have triggered these feelings, I think. I am also trying to make a decision to file for divorce and my son moved from Mississippi to Tenn and never told me. I am feeling so insignificant, alone and suspended in mid air. I too have not made any decision to end my marriage lightly. This is definitely a ripping and tearing of something that has feeling and nerve-endings.

I think Third Day rocks, too!!

TW

Third Day, you know God took you out of that situation. Doubting you are making the right decision in staying out of that situation means you’re doubting God’s wisdom. Now, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t do that!

Do you have legal separation in your state? That would be a good thing to pursue.

I don’t know what your denomination teaches you, but my church teaches that Christ made the supreme sacrifice to end all sacrifices. Because of the Christ, we do not need to make sacrifices to God. That includes sacrificing ourselves.

In contemplating staying with this abusive man who has been unable to change, you are sacrificing yourself to something the institution of Marriage.

And while God could work a miracle and suddenly change your husband into a gentle man who is rational and protective all the time, He’s had ample opportunity. This may be one of those times when God says “no.”

We are part of a divine pattern and as mere mortals cannot see the whole pattern.

This has nothing to do with your post....

...But did you know there is an internet music station that plays Third Day songs only, all day long?

Go to www.live365.com and sign up for their free player (or become a preferred member). Then once that's installed, go back to the website and do a search for Third Day All Day and add that station to your favorites. Enjoy!

I like them alot too!