I could not believe what came out of my Husbands mouth last night! He has been emotionally distant from me, down right cold and pushing me away since sunday, I finally pulled it out of him and I could not believe what he said! He said that he was tired of me making jokes about the size of his you know what! My god! I never even did!!!! He then goes "i know its an on going joke with you and your friends" which is totally untrue, I have never talked about his size, I have never joked with them about it at all!!! I just don't get it!! (obviously hes very insecure and he is NOT small!) When we went over to my frieds for dinner my husband asks me "how many inches in a foot?" (a couple of hours before when I was helping my daughter with homework I asked him and he was laughing at me b/c I didn't know..yes I am measurement challenged!), I say I don't know 8, 10 or 12", so our girlfriend starts laughing and says isn't that what you told her a foot was 5 or 6", this is a joke she and her husband also joke about all the time.
He got so mad at me! When I didn't even say anything!!!! Its obvious he has absoloutely no freakin self confidence! He tells me you are always making jokes about me, just as the another instance he has accused me of the same thing which haD absoloutely nothing to do with him! My girlfriend and I were singing and laughing b/c we were singing it a few nights before when we went out with the girls "who let the dogs out, and who let the puppies out, who who" well my paranoid H gets all mad again and is convinced that I am singing this song about him! MY GOD! I had no thought of that whatsoever!!! So he still isn't talking to me, he slept on the couch, I cried all freakin night out of frustration!but I realize that he obviously has no self confidence, and there is nothing I can say to him that will make him see that he is wrong, he is convinced of it! I told him last night even though I have no idea why I was apologizing only to hope to end this ridiculous thought of his, I said "i'm sorry if anything I said hurt you, and what ever I said was in no way intended towards you or to hurt you, i would never want to do that!" well he just started in saying I'm just full of bullshi** you can't you don't mean that
I am so tired of this! He also is a jelous person that constantly accuses me of wanting something else. I am so tired of this and I so want to just lay into him, tell him to stand up and get some damn confidence in himself, its so hard to be attracted to someone who is not confident in himself and doesn't believe in me!! What do you say to a person like this?
Part of me just wants to walk out on him and say this is just too much freakin work!!!!! especially when I'm the one that has to sit there and be accused of things that I don't do and don't feel!!! It is like a kick in the teeth!
This has been a huge vent, I don't know if ANYBODY could help me on this one!!! I have come to the conclusion he has so little self confidence and I can't give that to him. It makes it really hard to love him! The wierd thing is that he is a very very good looking man, and many women are attracted to him, I hear it from so many people and this just blows my mind to think that he thinks these things like that he isn't good enough for me, that I'm going to leave him, that I want something else. He just won't let me in, we have been married for 13 years! and he still doesn't believe in me! My god, he should know after all the crap I've been through with him that if I didn't love him I wouldn't be still here!!!
