I'm at the point again where I hate STBX.

It's been over 7 months and I thought, for a while that I was doing better.

Know I hate her more than I did when this all started.

I hate her because she took away everything that we have worked for and everything that I always wanted. My home, my family, my dog, my cat, my fish, my etc..............

All because she wants something different or better. I don't even know why for sure anymore.

How can I get over hating her and move on when she has removed me from my life?

GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

WIWH

WIWH,

I am not arguing with you that you hate your stbx, but having been through it all and having some experience, may I suggest an alternative? I suggest that you don't really hate her--because if you hated her you won't care one iota...you'd be indifferent. I suggest that you are very, very, very angry with her. She hurt you in the deepest way. She took away your happy illusion. She thought only of herself and didn't think of you at all. She took everything that was dear to you: from the concrete "stuff" of your possessions; to your idea of a family; to your identity as a man, father, husband, businessman...all of it!! She wanted to be loved and just got it elsewhere. She took your youth, your fidelity, your ALL and it was not enough!! You were faithful to her and doing what you THOUGHT you were supposed to be doing, and now you find yourself thrust into a "life" that you didn't want and didn't plan for. You're living in a strange place, with half strange furniture, and kids only half time AND THIS LIFE ISN'T YOURS!!! Your life is the one with the wife, kids, home, and dog that loves you!!! Where is that life?????

I remember very well going through this period of my healing. I kept thinking, "Where is all this anger coming from? I'm not an angry person, so who is this weirdo living inside me who is so angry?? This isn't ME!!" Sometimes I felt like I'd be washed away in just feeling so MAD!!! Plus, it wasn't like I had anyone around who cared about how angry or hurt I was feeling so I had no way to express it (other than writing here of course).

You can get over hating her and move on with YOUR life by facing this anger head on and getting through it. Don't deny it...don't stuff it...don't pretend it doesn't exist. Be ANGRY!!! Deep, dark, pitch black ANGRY!!! (Not at her or your kids though--it won't help.) Fight with it--wrestle with it--drive down the freeway with Queen full blast on the stereo and SCREAM!! It's normal. You'll get through it.

Also, I'd suggest taking back your life. Oh, not the "wife and kids and dog" life--I mean the one you are living right now. Take it back. It's not hers to give you or force onto you. Take YOUR life. Paint your walls RED because you have always liked red and she was a beige person. Bunge jump. Do the things that make your life YOURS and claim it for yourself. Create one ritual that separates this old, "my life was taken from me" life and the new, "I take back my life and claim it for myself" life.


CJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How can I get over hating her and move on when she has removed me from my life?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You cannot live your life in anger, that is why. Are you miserable or are you happy? If you're miserable - change what you are doing. If you are happy hating her, then keep on.

IMHO, you should quit valueing your life on what you were and what it was when you were with her. Start finding your own things to do. Get your own dog, cat, fish, etc. The other stuff will come in time. Just give it more time.

Derar WIWH:

Yes, me too. You may have felt like me even a couple of months ago when that hatred wasn't there, but now it is raising its ugly head with a vengeance.

Yes, my wife has tried to take it all away as well. Yes, I miss my dog. I miss my bed. I miss easy access to my things. I miss having a key to my home. I miss all the hope and energy we once had for each other. I miss the sex. Most of all I miss the everyday relationship with my children.

I feel the anger building more each day. But this can't be healthy for any of us. We should both do ourselves a favour and not let the anger and the hatred consume us. If it does, our ex's will have won. Even if we end up with it all, but still harbour the animosity, they win. See what I mean.

Let's both be bigger than this and know that we will always take the high road and do the right thing. If not for our children and our families, at least for our sanity.

God bless.

Shaken

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> I'm at the point again where I hate STBX.

It's been over 7 months and I thought, for a while that I was doing better.

Know I hate her more than I did when this all started.

I hate her because she took away everything that we have worked for and everything that I always wanted. My home, my family, my dog, my cat, my fish, my etc..............

All because she wants something different or better. I don't even know why for sure anymore.

How can I get over hating her and move on when she has removed me from my life?

GRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

WIWH </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I go through my bad days as well, but I usually get through by feeling sorry for the lost person she represents. Every time we are near each other, she blasts out at me. We cant have an exchange of emails as needed to dispose of our marital property without her turning it into a pissing match. I wont let her do that to me anymore. I am ready to get a moving truck, drop all the crap off at her house and say, ok, you deal with it and I want a copy of a signed reciept from the person you sold it to and a check made out to me with copies sent to my lawyer. That is how she is demanding things be done. No I am not mad right now.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Faithfulwife,

You explain how I feel better than I do myself. I don't hate STBX. I just hate what is going on.

Movingon

Fortunately, I'm not living my life in anger. It comes in waves.

I do bring the anger here and keep it away from home. Bringing it home just makes it build more

Shaken, I swear we are living almost parrallel lives.

Hired Help, It sounds like just assiciating with her can ruin your day. I am happy to say that not everything about her p!sses me off.

I wish I could do more for myself to take my new life but it is financialy impossible right now. STBX's lack of interest in working on financial agreements to help me get on my feet is what got me started on this to begin with.

Thank you all

WIWH

No answers. No suggestions. Just hugs.

GG,

I think thats just what I need!

Thanks

My situation is actually quite different from most on MB, but as far as the anger issues go, I find that I don't have so much anger (hate) towards my stbxH as I do pity.

Yes, I still mourn the loss of the M I thought I had and wanted to have.... but much of that was fake, and never real to begin with.

I found that the man I married, really didn't exist at all. He was an illusion; a character played out by a very selfish and in-denial person. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The anger/hate I DO feel, seems to focus more on the IL's, as opposed to the spouse. Strange? Maybe? I don't know. All I know is that it's there.

I find that the source of that pain is incredible hurt. The anguish of having loved these people so much, that I gave up even my OWN family to be with them, to please them, to be accepted by them, etc... all for what? To have them drop me like a hot potato after I did the RIGHT thing, by leaving an abusive M, and protecting the children from their father's wrath.

I'm rambling more than anything now. I'm sorry I don't have much advice to offer... just a bit of empathy.

My last ditch effort to heal from this will be to contact the "Dr.Phil" show. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Maybe that'll work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

I too am having a hard time with this anger, coming in waves, but the tide seems to be getting stronger. My psychologist told me it was because understanding the amount of abuse he put me through has been sinking in. I have also been suffering from post traumatic shock and that seems to be acting up again, probably because I am under huge amounts of stress with working full time and going to school full time.

Have you been under any more stress than usual lately?

Faithful wife is correct in everything she said..but you have a new life now. Not the old one, but all yours, and yours to do with what you want.

Ill give you a great big hug too {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{WIWH}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am home..but it still sucks LOL

P.S. My daughter found a little tiny kitten who needed ahome last week...SOOOOOOOOOOOO tiny and SOOOOOOO adorable, I would have given her to you if you had mentioned it earlier!!LOL too late, I found her a home

Topie, I know exactly how you feel. My ex was abusive (he even raped me at the end of it all), multiple addictions that spanned his entire life, and I know majority of his problems were generated from the dysfunctional family he grew up in. Our marriage counselor even told my ex that he hated his mother, and that is not acceptable to hate your mother, so he treated me the way he wanted to treat his mother, but cant. I never had a chance at a normal marriage

and LOL...his crotch cricket wont have a chance either <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> revenge is sweet...sometimes

I too am still in that dreaded hate phase. I have no suggestions. I talk to God and ask for the strength and will to forgive so I can find peace. Every day gets a little better. But then there are those days where you feel as if you are back at the begining.

I am keeping active and taking up new hobbies. I have gone on several dates. Just friendship at this point. When I start to feel down I get out of the house and go somewhere. Visit a friend or family. Then I come home and feel better.

I have really had a back track the past month. Ex is getting married to OW this month. It is very hard for me but I am not sure why. I no longer want him back. But it just hurts a little more. I will be so happy when this hurt all goes away.

Right now I have a problem with lonliness. I don't know how to get past that. I miss a relationship. Ahhh! so much fun.

At least all of us are here for eachother.

Here is hoping we all have a better tomorrow.

First I'dd like to return the hugs

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Well HH and Shaken, you guys can skip the hug.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> that I gave up even my OWN family to be with them, to please them, to be accepted by them, etc </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Topie, I know what it is like to give up your own family to become a part of another. However, IL's still like me. In fact when this all started, they sided more with me than STBXW.

Sunrise, I love cats but can't dopets right now. MAybe someday.

Yes I am under a little more stress than usual at work. Extreemly busy right now and on the edge of a corporate restructuring by investment firm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hoping, I too miss the R and the companionship that was always taken for granted. Lonliness sucks and tomorrow better be better, it's friday!

WIWH

I myself have been waking up at 2 am every day. Unreal. Why? Who knows. Today instead of laying awake, me and the dog watched a movie. I think I heard her laugh once. I went back about 4:30, slept a little, got up at 6, took a shower and went to work. As the muffler pipes dropped from my car and it began to make alot of noise, I thought about it and laughed. It is a beautiful day, I am driving a piece of crap, and I was on the way to work. You know what I dont have though? Someone telling me how to fix it, or that it isnt a big deal if i have to work on it again. It is just mine and me. Nobody else telling me anything. What a great day this is. I have to go do some painting but it is still a great day for all of us. Anyone see the movie...Don Juan Demarco? It was about how we choose to look at something. An office wasnt an office to Don Juan, but a Villa. Lets all see what kind of alter vision we can have for ourselves today and enjoy what we still have. I am starting to have future visions, where I have never been able to have them before. Someone else told me what my vision should be. Have a great day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />