I'm not sure if I am even in the right place. I am 36 and I have a daughter who will be 17 next month. I have just recently found out that her and her boyfriend are now engaged. I am having a hard time dealing with this. <p>They have only been "going out" for about 6 months. He has given her a ring and proposed, he too is 17. <p>My daughter has ADD and has struggled her whole life, she is very guliable and naive. She has plans for as long as I can remember to go to college and become a teacher. We have put her off getting a job because we wanted her to put full concentration in school. <p>Since being with this boy, whom we do like, she now revolves her entire life around him. She has no friends, and waits by the phone for him to call. He on the other hand has plenty of friends that he has outside of the relationship. I am so terrified of her making this huge mistake. They are planning on moving out as soon as they each turn 18, then geting married at 19. They think they have it all planned. They will go to school during the day, and work at night, and be happily ever after.<p>We are by no means trying to prevent this from happening, I know it will only push her to him more. I just want to know what I should do to discourage her from marrying so young. <p>I was married at 18, and had her right after turning 19. The marriage lasted 12 years, but I had missed out on so much, that is what broke us up, I do not want her to make the same mistake. <p>We have told her that now that she wants to make adult decisions, she will have to start acting like an adult. We told her we now expect her to get a job, and buy her own car to get back and forth. We are going to have her do some research on apartments, schooling, etc. and find out what it is going to cost them every month for all the necessities (?) in life, food, clothing, etc. I will not stand in her way, but I will not help her either.<p>Anyone have any other suggestions????

Hi momtoteen,
Being the father of 7 I've been where you are. If they stick to their plan of marrying 2 years down the road then that will prove their love. If it's true love it will last. If not it will die before they get there. But you're doing right in making her grow up now. Show her what the real world is about and that you can't live on love. God Bless.

Thanks Jerry

You might also check out the before marriage and early years boards...

You might also check out the before marriage and early years boards...but you really have no choice other than to let them live their lives because they're going to anyway. I so clearly remember standing in my son's room and cautioning him and his gf about birth control 3 years ago. Now I have a lovely 2 year old grandson. Of course, they assured me they always used condoms.<p>Much like God gives us free will even though He already knows how our lives will turn out, we have to do the same with our kids. It stinks.