My husband and i have decided to separate after being together for 16 years. I did ask for the divorce. I elt that he chose his best friend( a man) over me, even though he said he did not. He is a very good man and we have 2 children. I told him and his parents whom i think i'm pretty close, that i will never take the kids away from them. I am even planning o get an apartment near his parents so it'll be easier for the kids. Last Easter, they warned me that they're inviting my husband's best friend to the party and if i can be civilized about it. I never caused a scene or anything that would make them think that, so i was kinda surprise and told them that it is their house therefore the make the decision . Mother's Day is coming and i know they will invite this friend again and i do not want to be there.We haven't filed for divorced yet but i'm worried that they might use this against me. We're still living in the same house since I am a homemaker, So i am planning to get the children dress and send them with their dad to the in laws and just celebrate Mother's Day with my 2 children when they get home that night. Any input about this is greatly appreciated. My heart is aching and i can't think straight anymore. i know i need to keep the relationship with my inlaws for the sake of the children , but i don't know how to deal with this Thank you.

iyamontero,
Welcome to MB! Sorry you need to be here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Mother's Day is coming and i know they will invite this friend again and i do not want to be there.We haven't filed for divorced yet but i'm worried that they might use this against me. We're still living in the same house since I am a homemaker, So i am planning to get the children dress and send them with their dad to the in laws and just celebrate Mother's Day with my 2 children when they get home that night</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So let me get this straight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

You want to send YOUR CHILDREN to spend MOTHERS DAY with your Mother IN LAW

Let H go see his mother and tell him that you would like to spend the day alone with your children. Tell him that that is what he can do for you for Mothers day.

Have yourself a stress free day doing something that you and your kids will enjoy doing together.

WIWH

iyamontero,
I don't know. I think it is fine to send the kids with the dad to the in-laws. If you don't mind doing so and would like the free time, then let them go and plan something special to do when they get back.

iyamontero,

I'm confused too. You say you're close to your in-laws. Do they know the reason for your divorce? I can't imagine that they would invite the man who destroyed their son's marriage, over on Mother's Day, knowing their daughter in law was invited????? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> If this is really the case, then I would sit down with them and explain to them that you want to keep your relationship with them and you want your children to keep the relationship with them. However, due to the circumstances, it is just too painful for you to see your husband's friend. While not trying to tell them what to do, I don't see anything wrong in suggesting that they spend time with him when you are not in the picture.

If you want the time alone, that's one thing. I have a feeling that's not the case. It makes me sad that you're willing to send your kids to your in laws on MOTHER'S DAY. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Let your husband be with HIS mother. Your kids should be with YOU. They can see Grandma and Granda the day before or after to celebrate.

*** Just as a side note: I have no idea where you're from, but most states, in the custody agreement, specify that the kids are with Mom on Mother's Day and with Dad on Father's Day. Just some food for thought.....

Best of luck to you.
Sarah

I guess it's tough for them(the inlaws). The situation is this. The friend used to be married and discovered his wife was having all tese affairs with others. Since they got divorce, he became a part of our family. his kid is now going to school ,in the same class as my son(this is on the insistence of my husband which i fought because i didn't think it was a good idea) He lives 45 minutes away from us. For the first 3 months of his divorce , he was always at the house evn weekends. I felt that he was taking my place in my husbands life, he 's always with him. I've voice my feelings already and my hubby didn't think it was valid. Then my huisband ask him to go on board with him, since hubby owns his own business. Then i start noticing that most of the time i end up picking his son along with my son and taking care of him while my hubby and his friend work. Ijust really felt like second to him. They go to Thailand a for 3 weeks and whn they came back, the guy was here everyday for a week, halftime sleeping halftime working, due to jetlag. He can't go home because of his son being in school. My husband is pretty heavy that he can barely walk with a cane without panting. I think Tommy has become his "go get boy". My inlaws also work with my husband so basically everyone in his family is into his business except me. I asked him before that i don't Tommy in the house anymore and hubby complied but was really angry at me because he had to get another office, more expenses and that he said i'm contolling his life. I am a stay home mom with an 8 year old and a 2 1/2 year old. Before this divorce issue, hubby asked me what can he do to fix this problem(me being mad all the time, i am ,because i so neglected and i end up shutting down emotionally.} I said let go of tommy , and he said "tommy is here to stay" Right there i tought ok, then that's it. My father inlaw asked me the same thing, gave him my answer and he said the same thing like husband said. So really, I think It's because they all work in my hubbies business and they can't afford to lose Tommy, even my mother in law works for husbands company. It's just so hard for me, because I really felt like being left behind about everything. Sorry if i'm kinda not clear, i see not hope in the future for us and him being the first man i've with and being with him for 16 years, i feel so hurt. By no means i am a saint, I cursed and put him down and everything. he said he will never go back again to that, but He also said things to be that degrade and hurt me but not in as colorful words as i do. I think we do have problems and with this Tommy thing , I think i can't deal with this. The guy knows that he is one of the major problems and yet he's still here, I guess because my hubby is his bread and butter.

I am so very sorry for your situation. But please consider having your kids w/you on Mother's Day if that's what you want. It doesn't sound like your inlaws are very close to you if they think they should have your kids on Mother's Day, while you sit home. They are choosing this "family friend", not just your H. It's espcially evident if they are inviting him to family functions even though they know you don't get along w/him.

Do you have a separation agreement? Stating clearly when (and what holidays) you get the kids? If not, you may want to do this to protect your rights to have your children too.

I wish you all the best in this difficult situation.