The last time I posted this topic my wrists were "slapped" by all of the good advice. I need your advice again because it is still troubling me.

I have been dating a man that I love. We have been together for almost a year. I love him so much and we have a wonderful relationship. He has two children that I am close to and love. We have both been through divorces. I don't have any children yet.

Here is what is still bothering me. Please go ahead and tell me if I am a bad person. Tell me what you think because this bothers me and maybe it shouldn't. My boyfriend's ex-wife has a 12 year old daughter. My boyfriend calls this child his daughter even though she has a father that is good to her. I am okay that my boyfriend still loves her because he was there when she was growing up. However, he still has responsiblities galore for her. The ex-wife expects him to have the older daugher every weekend that he has his own so that the ex-wife can have a child-free weekend. He is expected to pay for her school tuition. He is expected to pay for her Karate lessons. I guess my boyfriend will be responsible for college tuition someday. When school is out, my boyfriend is expected to find her a place to stay during the day. Up until a few weeks ago, the older daughter would spend the night at my boyfriends house when he had the other kids. She now stays at my boyfriend's parents' house on his weekends. She fights with his kids and has bitten his son (he tells me this and I saw the bruise). The older daughter is always miserable and is not happy when my boyfriend has her (my boyfriend told me this). A few months ago my mother bought my boyfriend's two kids and the two of us tickets to see the Lion King. She didn't get a third ticket for the older daughter and the ex-wife went off because a ticket was not purchased for her. Where does this end? Is this good for the child? I haven't asked my boyfriend, but I guess he thinks I am going to call her my daughter too when we marry someday. Why does this bother me? Am I a terrible mean person who is going to turn into some wicked stepmother?

I know that it is not the older daughter's fault that this situation has occurred. I would and have never treated her any differently from his other children. I usually don't see her because she is with my boyfriend's parents. Therefore, we are not close. I don't expect my boyfriend to cut her off cold turkey.

Please tell me if you think I am a mean person. I don't expect my boyfriend to stop caring about this child, giving her gifts, etc. However, I think the line has been crossed a few times. If you need to "slap my wrists" please do so because I am just looking for some opinions on this. This bothers me and I don't know what to do. I am in love with this man and we plan to get married some day. I have been through a divorce and don't want to mess up again. Should I not be in this relationship because I am being such a witch about this situation?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> My boyfriend calls this child his daughter even though she has a father that is good to her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you think this child feels when her *adopted* father who treated her like his own, now refuses to have her and her mother has her with the grandparents for the weekend?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he was there when she was growing up. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How also do you think this child feels that the *brother* gets to be with *dad*, but she's not good enough, to be with him?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The ex-wife expects him to have the older daugher every weekend that he has his own so that the ex-wife can have a child-free weekend. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you KNOW what the ex-wife *expects*? Why should the children not go together? If you have no problem with child-free weekends, perhaps you both want to have the 12-year old on opposite weekends to the son?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A few months ago my mother bought my boyfriend's two kids and the two of us tickets to see the Lion King. She didn't get a third ticket for the older daughter </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When did this 12-year old, who by the way is loved by your boyfriend while she was growing up, not become important? Sounds to me like the adults here are using this CHILD and yes, she's a child and STILL growing up, as a pawn in some game of theirs.

Sorry -- but this is a kid. A child that your *boyfriend* took responsibility for and helped raise. Now, because of the split, this *child* is the one being punished because she is not a *blood* relative.

I know all about the money bullsh*t and the like. When will you start looking at the long term effects of your actions on another human being? Sorry, but you two could have purchased another ticket for her. Here is an adult that she most likely loved and grew to trust as her mom and b/f were in a relationship, now, she's not even worthy of a *visit* with the two of you because she's "not his".

No wonder we have screwed up kids in this world.