I have to disagree somewhat with Mrs. O. Yes, people can ultimately choose to have an affair. It is a decision. People are highly emotional beings, thus we act and react accordingly. People can fall into an affair with someone that they are very close to if that person is meeting their emotional needs. Dr. Harley explains this in his book "His Needs, Her Needs".

Yes you have to ultimately make the decision to do it. When you are very depressed and unhappy, this can cause you to rationalize that your marriage is over and you are not compatible. Later you decide that I will try to make the marriage work, but you have already committed the act. This is how a lot of relationships get into a mess. Emotions are like a drug, and they can be very detrimental. That is why there is so much research and medications to control the negative ones.

So I summize that people can fall into affairs, because their emotions can keep them from realizing what they are doing. There are however some people that choose to have affairs, but these people will continue to have affairs as long as they are not caught. Emotions have nothing to do with it...

Mrs. O - I agree 100%.

Yes, the betrayer is being fulfilled by someones words, admiration, etc. But does the betrayer look at their family, and see what they are doing to their family? That is the ? that so many ask here. As for myself, I don't believe my ex cared one way or the other. He justified his affair here on MB and at home.

INTEGRITY = adherence to moral and ethical principles, soundness of moral character, honesty - (According to Websters Dictionary).

How many experienced the opposite of integrity from their spouses? Count me in!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

ohhhhh ohhh.... I have to add:

"My ex WAS happy -- cause he had his cake and got to eat it too!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Elan - spoken from the counselors point of view! Perfect words. I was told that by the Harleys, and they were 100% right.