Hi! First time to post REALLY needing somebody out therE to hear my plea for help.I have been married for nine years.Most of the 9years me and my mate has done nothing but argue,it seems almost easier for us to fight than to not fight The only sad thing about this is that we have an 7 year old little boy who has had to live in a screwed up home life for 7 years it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it,and to top it all off I found out i am pregnant with my second child.I am very happy about having another child but I am very sad about my marriage.My husband says things that really hurt me he screams at me calls me names ect. IN the begininng he use to physicallly push me or throw things at me he stopped after some counseling but sometimes I am afraid he will again.We have been to counseling it helps short term and then we are back to square one shortly after counseling stops. We fight about family mostly he is an only child and his parents are obsessed with him I dont mind that. ITS WHEN HE IS around his family when he comes home he acts as tho he is very angry at me and like I am trying to control him and usually he starts acting violently angry,so I try to prevent interaction with his family as much as possible,because I want peace in my home is that wrong?I use to think I was crazy for thinking that his personality changed after visits with them until years went by and it happenned time after time. ANYWAYS I love my husband but i am very depressed living with him I am pregnant and i wonder if I can be pregnant and handle a divorce how weird it would be to get a divorce while I am pregnanT.I have given up on things changing I know my husband will not change because he does not think he is wrong. So the questin rolls over in my head do I stay and remain miserable basically paralyzed in a bad relationship for the rest of my life or do I opt out raising my son and baby to be alone.SO much pain so many years I think over and over what to do,what to do? I mean is the grass really greener on the other side are you really happier once you divorce and you dont have that spouse to fight with on a daily basis? I would really appreciate any advice given maybe some of you have been where I am and can help me resolve all of my feelings. I have friends and I have family but if I try to talk to them about this they seem to shy away.SINCERLY DOINMYBESWT

Doinmybest, only you can answer these questions. I stayed in a unhappy marriage to provide stability for my kids and I worked hard to make things as normal as possible. I do not regret it for one minute. BUT my H was not mean-spirited or rageful----he was more passive-aggressive with mounds of indifference. Days went by when he was involved in our family, then he would just get lost for hours and come home drunk. Because of his alcohol abuse, he made some real poor choices. Would I do it again? I don't know the answer to that....

Is the grass greener on the other side? The grass is the same with new kinds of problems. There is no clear cut answer to marital/family problems. Are you in counseling?

You definitely need to protect yourself and your children. Why don't you get connected with a Women's Shelter just in case you need to escape in a hurry one day.

Have you read the articles on this site? You can get great insight and clarification to help you make decisions about your marriage. You can learn what you need and even learn some things that your H may need. It will help you grow as a person and you will be a better person for it.

TW

Thank You for responding to my e-mail.We are still in counseling but it does not seem to help much it is very hard to be married to my husband. I know I need to keep trying and I will for as long as possible.THANX AGAIN