I am happily married and want to stay that way. But I have fallen in love with a man, who is also in a committed relationship. We really enjoy each others company and care for each other but are committed to our relationships. Can we ever be just friends again? We've never touched but we've told each other how we feel...We're not seeing each other right now, with the hopes that my feelings will dissapate...will they ever change? Will I ever be able to be friends with him again? Can we be friends with people we have romantic feelings for?

ASHIRLEY,<p>I think this situation is a disaster waiting to happen. Once you have decided you 'love' someone, it just takes a little push for the unthinkable to happen. <p>I think it is your best (and his) interests that you end the relationship now. If you are not already close friends with his SO, then I suggest ALL CONTACT be ended. If you and your h are friends with him AND his SO, then I think you can still be friends but you MUST NEVER be alone together or talk on the phone. <p>You have lost nothing yet but if you continue this 'friendship', you can lose everything, including the most important thing---your self-respect.

And just in case you are wondering why I think I'm such an expert here is that this is exactly what happened to me. And it completely destroyed my friendship with his SO, a very good friend. <p>There is a saying in some cultures "when a man and a woman are alone (that shouldn't be alone together), the third person there is the devil." Think about it. It seems very true.

Thank you so much for your thoughts, I really appreciate your input. This has been the hardest thing I've ever taken on. I still have a really hard time accepting that we'll never be able to be friends, but I suspect that you're right. The thing that makes it so hard for me is intellectually I know that we will never be together for numerous reasons; but my heart still wishes that we could be together. I can't get my heart and mind in sync.

P.S. Diddallas, if you want to tell me what happend in your situation, I'd love to read.

I had a friend--a good friend, the kind that would call you at 3:30 and say 'come on over, we're having meatloaf tonite'. We enjoyed watching tv together, learned to read tea leaves together, all kinds of stuff. And this friend had a 'husband'-they had been married before but divorced for financial reasons but still lived together. He had left her several times before.<p>In December of 2000, my husband left me for an emotional affair with some foreign chick. I had no clue, he was never late coming home, never went out alone, never got 'strange' phone calls but lo and behold he left me for someone who 'understood' him and cared about him. She had never witnessed him punching holes in walls, putting his foot thru my car window in a drunken rage, throwing food and breaking dishes all over the kitchen in a tantrum. She didn't know he'd been thru 22 jobs in less than 3 years. That he lied about everything about himself and his life. He hadn't ever called her a fat pig and told her his one night stand was better than a whole year with her. Wasn't I the lucky one to be able to share all that with him? Soon after he left she was deported. (She needed a green card but I'm sure that had NOTHING to do with her attraction to an American citizen.) At this same time, the friend and her husband had a physical altercation and he moved out. We girls decided to move in together.<p>Before a month went by, I reconciled with my husband and she with hers. And when I moved back to this side of town, we started hanging out again, just like before. My h had an auto accident in April and he became moody and depressed and withdrawn. I spent more and more time at her house. Her h and I would joke about not getting SF often enough and one day she said out of the blue "I wouldn't mind if you two slept together if it would stop your whining." She said this several times in different ways over the summer, even told my h this. JOked about her h being my boyfriend.<p>The tension increased and by end of summer, we had rented a motel room and done the dirty. She became suspicious immediately. A battle royale ensued with cussing, name calling and hollering. He moved out within days. Not because of me but because he had been unhappy for a long time (she's bipolar-undiagnosed and untreated)and had just had his fill. The rule going in was that it was not to interfere with our relationships at home and that it was only for sex. It continued for a couple of months until I really couldn't stand what I was doing, the lying, the sneaking. I called OM and told him it was over. He agreed and that was that.<p>I decided that I had to re-build my marriage. I now try to think of the things I love about my h instead of what aggravates me (it;s a struggle tonight, though, he's in rare form). It's work but I had stuck by my guns to try not to love bust and to meet his needs if I can. Things are much better and hopefully, will be more so as time goes on.<p>[ February 25, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

oh, and of course, the wrinkle is that h still considers OM a friend and so do I. I really and truly love him like a brother (isn't it too Jerry Springer?) and we are still friends but we will not be seeing each other alone at any time.

I'm in the same mess! I have done the stupid and insane thing of falling in love with a man I work with. Here I am trying to make my marriage better, and out of nowhere, this friendship springs up, then the attraction starts (for me for sure) and we're off. We talk on the phone 2, 3 times a day, EVERYDAY. We have never been physical and keep everything "friendly", but the tension is awful between us. I believe he is attracted to me, too, but he has never admitted it. I on the other hand was stupid enough to admit to him that I had romantic feelings about him. Since I did that, the friendship has become more intense. I saw where Dr. Harley said that was the worst thing to do. Unfortunately, I read that AFTER I told OM about my feelings. H seems to sense that something or someone has interrupted our life together. H is very intuitive. I love my husband and don't want anything selfish and ugly to happen, but I feel hopeless to pull away from OM. Pray for all of us!

Caran,
I got a pit in my stomach just reading your email. I&#8217;d love to know how you're dealing with iton a day to day basis. I had to change jobs, to even have a chance at ending my romantic feelings for my friend. I met him in April 2000 we immediately liked each other and began to meet for lunch each day. By May, my husband thought we were having an affair ( I made the mistake of telling my husband that I had a crush on him) and wanted me to quit seeing him. I didn&#8217;t want to, didn&#8217;t see why I had to, and wouldn&#8217;t. In Dec. I told him that I really liked him a lot and that my husband wanted me to stop seeing him, but we continued. In April of 2001, I was offered another job, and took it bc I knew I couldn&#8217;t work in the same place and stop seeing him. In May 2001, I told him that I had fallen in love with him, but we were both in committed relationships (me 21 years of marriage and 2 teenage sons). We stopped seeing each other but resumed an email and phone relationship. All the while me falling more and more in love. (He never said he loved me, we just got along great, he enjoyed my company, thought I was wonderful, etc., but didn&#8217;t want to ruin my marriage or his relationship. I really tried in earnest to quit communicating with him in the fall. I told my self that if I still felt in love with him after three months of no communication, I would re-evaluate (mean while I am trying to work on my marriage.) I actually couldn't stop communicating with him, we did talk and email each other in the fall, but I tried to control my contact. In January, I felt that I had to leave my husband to see if my friend and I had any chance for a relationship, but I didn&#8217;t want to do that, unless I knew for sure that my friend was interested in pursuing a relationship. (Over all these months, my h doesn&#8217;t know I&#8217;m still in touch with my friend nor does he know what torture I was feeling.) My husband is a great person, we are very compatible, we really like each other, I just felt passionate about my new friend. <p>Anyway, in January I met my friend again, face to face, to find out if he thought we would have any chance..he said no, he liked me, he thought we&#8217;d been playing with fire for a long time and that one of us was going to get burnt; that he was attracted to me, but that he was in a committed relationship (and so was I).<p>So we decided that we couldn&#8217;t be in touch at all. I haven&#8217;t heard from him since January 8. I miss him terribly; I&#8217;ve written him several emails, one set after we terminated our friendship, just processing; and a few this month, but nothing heavy, just short friendly notes. Not seeing him and not contacting him has been the hardest thing I&#8217;ve ever tried to take on. <p>I want him in my life, he&#8217;s just an amazing person&#8230;I don&#8217;t have many friends, and he was a true friend, I just happened to love him as well&#8230;<p>I suspect that we shouldn&#8217;t be in touch, but I still haven&#8217;t internalized that. Intellectually I know that I want to be with my husband and kids, I love them and enjoy them; but my heart still wishes I could be with my friend. I just want to know if I&#8217;ll ever be able to be friends with him&#8230;we never even touched. But I don&#8217;t want to continue the heart ache that I&#8217;ve felt, really since the first day I realized that I loved him but couldn&#8217;t be with him. I want to be able to control my emotions, my feelings of love, but can&#8217;t seem to. It&#8217;s just so frustrating and makes me feel so sad.<p>My marriage is going much better. My husband is attentive and wonderful&#8230;truly amazing, but I often yearn for my friend. <p>Any advice?

I must agree with other replys, this is a disaster in the making. If you want to have ANY future end this stupidity now and completly.
Good Luck.
Onager.

Caran,<p>Is there any way for you to change jobs? I know it's a drastic step but I think you need to do it if at all possible.<p>If not, then you must avoid contact with him as much as possible. I believe that your h is intuitive. Debora was onto us the DAY we first did the sex thing. THE DAY! There was no reason for her to suspect...but somehow she knew! It was scary. <p>Just think of how hurt your h would be if you had an affair. It's not worth it, I promise. You can get the sparks back with him...it just takes some work.

I agree with diddallas, about changing jobs, I could have never quit seeing om if I hadn't changed jobs...even doing that, it has been the hardest thing I've ever done...and we never even touched.

Let me tell you all the remainder of this story...<p>First of all, I can not change jobs. I am in a high profile position of many years and my company would fight me every inch of the way. Beside the fact that it would be financially devastating to our family (with kids in college!). <p>I tried to stop communication with him during the last 3 months of 2001 and felt that it was successful. My relationship with my husband improved and I felt quite peaceful and certainly more in control. Then, both of our schedules changed to a point that it seemed were were constantly in eachother's company. That is when the torture really began. I have since found out, through another source, that for many years he has been in a very unhappy marriage, even separating for a short time a few years ago, but reconciling for the sake of their children. Do I think we're playing with fire? Absolutely! I'm an educated woman. I know that meeting for coffee and depending on multiple daily phone calls to get my "fix" is like any other addiction. Although he has never admitted his feelings for me (and I'm honestly glad!), it's obvious that he is deeply attracted and needs me as much as I need him. Right now, we are both aware of the ramifications and we are keeping ourselves "in check". We both continue to hide behind the guise of "friendship" and I sometimes can even convince myself that it's possible. But deep down inside, I know it's not. Friendships between men and woman are few and far between, for obvious reasons.<p>I don't for one minute believe that there is ANY future for us with one another. He has chosen to remain in his loveless marriage for his children and that is his choice, and a good one I believe. I, too, have made my choice to remain with my husband and work on our problem marriage. I believe there is enough good in it to do all I can to save it. THE DIFFICULTY, as all of you know, is that our hearts aren't quite as logical and practical. I believe that we meet many people in our life that we can fall in love with beside our mate. The only thing that separates us from an animal is our values and standards of living. I will not hurt my husband by having an affair....so I choose to hurt myself. I really have no other choice. If I could stop loving this man in the next minute, I would, but try as I might, I can't do it.<p>I really don't know the answer for any of us. I know that my life has been changed forever because I met this man. He truly is a kindred spirit and I consider him a sincere friend. The bottom line is that I cannot separate the friendship from the romantic love and because of that, I can't be his friend. THE PROBLEM: I'm not THERE YET. In that place where I have the guts to walk away from a person that obviously values my friendship and companionship.<p>I so appreciate each of you baring your souls and your stories for all of us. There is a relief in knowing that I'm not the only lunatic out there that has done such a crazy thing. Just so you truly understand, I started this attraction with thoughts that it was a crush, or infatuation. I now know that it isn't, but it doesn't change a darn thing.<p>God Bless all of you, and again, thank you!<p>Caran

Caran,
I can so identify with your dilemma. It is so incredibly hard and I wish you good luck and strength….because it will take both.<p>Like you, I wasn’t sure how my friend really felt about me. He was so responsive and so kind, but he never crossed the line between friendship and romance. I knew that he liked me a lot, but I didn’t know how much. I didn’t understand why he wanted to be friends with me if he really didn’t want to have an affair with me, and I felt at times that he was giving me mixed signals. In the end, I didn’t think I could live the rest of my life without knowing if we could be a couple, so I pushed the issue. I told him that I would leave my husband and kids if he felt we had any chance. He told me that he valued my friendship, was very attracted to me, and flattered beyond belief of my feelings of affection for him but that was committed to his relationship. <p>I felt I needed to tell him that I fell in love with him (talk about feeling vulnerable) so he’d understand why I couldn’t see him or talk with him anymore. We cared about each other so much and liked each other, I just couldn’t be cold or off-putting to him. I fell totally in love with him…even though I’ve been happily married for 21 years and have two teenage sons…I still couldn’t help myself from falling in love. In fact, I pretty much have thought about him 24 hours a day for nearly 2 years. And still think of him far too much.<p>The only way I have been able to stop seeing and communicating with him is because he is the strong person. We decided that we can’t be in touch right now…so he won’t respond to my emails…and I won’t call him. We last saw each other Jan. 8. I have emailed him since then, but I know that he won’t respond…we agreed that he wouldn’t…eventually I think I’ll quit trying to reach out and connect with him. I won’t call him up, because I know that I shouldn’t do that. I know that I have got to let go. But it took him telling me that we had no chance for me to finally begin to let go. I’m slowly getting there. I am so grateful that my friend is a man of integrity and didn’t take advantage of me and my vulnerability. <p>I didn’t cause irreparable damage to my marriage, thank god. I love my husband…he’s wonderful, he makes laugh, and he makes me feel good. He is trying so hard to be attentive and responsive to my needs.I want to stay married to him…but it continues to be a struggle between mind and heart.<p>Does your husband know about your friend at all? Either way, it's hard. Good luck.<p>I have felt so alone through all of this. It’s not something you can share with very many friends or family…it’s just too close. But it's so hard carrying it around. So thank you for sharing with me (us), I really, really appreciate it….I’m still struggling and trying to do the right thing.

Ashirley,<p>I feel that it is a profound blessing to have found another person with such a similar situation as mine. I truly understand ALL that you are feeling. I really can relate to the feelings that you had from your OM, especially the "mixed signals" he was giving you. I get those too! I think that it is the struggle they feel for their feelings for us and the commitment to family that is always there. I don't know if your OM is in a happy relationship with his spouse, but for my OM, his is a lonely compromise that leaves him unhappy most of the time that I've known him. He has convinced himself that he can make his life happy for and because of his children. He remains with her and I suppose will find a way to live through the happiness they share with their children. As for his feelings for me? I am his friend. He has actually been down this road before, having had an affair with a co-worker several years ago. I don't know the circumstances of the ending, but I know that he is familiar with this scenario.<p>I know that the more distance, the better. I just haven't reached your "January 8th" yet where I will be able to distance myself to the point of little or no contact. Sometimes it's hard waiting overnight! He is ALWAYS on my mind.<p>Please stay in contact and I will avail myself to listen first, suggest after. I ask that you do the same if the opportunity arises.<p>God Bless!<p>~Caran

Caran,
Thank you for your message. <p>My friend was unhappily married for 30 years; had an affair in the last year of his marriage. She went back to her H; he got divorced. He is involved with a woman who is separated, but not divorced…it's messy so they can't be in the open about their relationship and they can't see each other very often. But he is committed to her and hopes to marry her. One of the major problems I had was I didn't even know she existed for 9 months. Then, he never talked about her, or mentioned her so I really didn't think she existed. So I let myself fall more and more in love with him, and lived in my fantasy world. The first time I asked him how he felt about me he evaded the question and said that he didn't want to interfere in my marriage. I figured that since he had done the affair thing and it hadn't worked out, he wasn't interested in doing it again with me…I didn't realize that the real reason he didn't want to have an affair was because he actually didn't want to ruin his relationship, not that he didn't want to jeopardize my marriage…but I didn't get that (I probably just wouldn't hear it) until Jan 8…nearly two years after I realized that I had fallen totally and completely in love with him…I just feel lucky that during that time, I didn't fall out of love with my husband. My husband handled the situation so incredibly well, I know that 98% of marriages wouldn't have ended up in tact, and even strengthened.<p>I think I became addicted to the adrenaline rush you get waiting to see, talk with, or receive email from a special person. I also am a hopeless romantic and I built this elaborate fantasy world where I could escape…especially when my teenage sons were being jerks and driving me crazy, or feeling neglected by my husband. My husband has a high powered job, tons of meetings each day, and some travel…he has so little time during the day to write me or call me…he does when he can, but my friend was always so quick to respond and attentive. (My H us 120% in love with me and will do anything to make me happy, he is totally faithful…he just works really hard!) <p>One of my biggest problems is that I not only love, but really like my friend, he's so interesting, smart, kind, etc. I am the kind of person that just has one or two close friends so when I meet someone I really like, who also really likes me, I want them in my life. Because we never touched, I keep on thinking that someday, we can be friends…That my feelings will change from those of romantic love, to those of friendship love...but I don't know if they will. I keep telling myself that I can call him on April 8, because that will be three months since we saw each other. That I can't contact him between now and then because I need to prove to myself and to him that I can disengage and move on…In my heart of hearts I know that when April 8 comes, I still won't be ready to talk with him, and I don't think I will contact him until my heart says I can handle it. I don't want to go back to square one where I was essentially incapacitated I missed him so much. I want to function, I want a happy life with my husband and children, but I also want him as a friend…someday…thinking that perhaps that can happen, keeps me trying to be strong and refraining from contacting him.<p>I'm sorry to take up so much of your time. You are so kind to listen.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ashirley:
I am happily married and want to stay that way. But I have fallen in love with a man, who is also in a committed relationship. <hr></blockquote><p>Well, the first thing is that you are fooling yourself. You are NOT happily married or you would not be falling in love with another man. And secondly he is NOT in a committed relationship if he is in any way participating in any sort of relationship OUTSIDE of his SO.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
We really enjoy each others company and care for each other but are committed to our relationships.
<hr></blockquote><p>Are you really committed? If so this relationship stops right here, right now.<p>
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Can we ever be just friends again?
<hr></blockquote><p>NO.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
We're not seeing each other right now, with the hopes that my feelings will dissapate...will they ever change? <hr></blockquote><p>Who knows?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Will I ever be able to be friends with him again?<hr></blockquote><p>NO. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
Can we be friends with people we have romantic feelings for<hr></blockquote><p>NO.<p>The only way I could respond to you was to be direct and to the point. So the short "No"s I gave you are the only answers. No need for explanations or justifications.<p>Do not risk your marriage. Turn the focus away from this other person and focus on your marriage. That's the only way this will work. And forget the other man. Don't look back.<p>Love,
Clear

To Clearview & Ashirley,<p>Clearview, you are RIGHT on every quote! Same goes for me and what's worse is I know it. Your points:<p>1. Happily married? I have a good husband who loves me and I him. HOWEVER, there is obviously something MISSING or my attraction to another man would have started and ended within the first minute of the inception of the thought. I haven't deluded myself otherwise and I don't think Ashirley has either. She states she loves her husband and I believe her! Ones capacity for love is far-reaching, especially when you have a history with eachother.<p>2. Is the OM happily married and/or committed? Well, mine isn't. Only he knows what he really feels. If I had to guess, I would say it's the same thing I feel. HOWEVER, everything in life is a choice and his is to try to make his marriage work for the sake of his children. It's noble and right. Whether it works or not will be determined on how bad he wants it to work. He'll get no interference from me. I respect his decision. As for Ashirley, I think that a man that lived in a 30 year marriage, unhappy or not, is the kind of person that, when his heart is committed to another, gives it his all and wants to remain faithful for as long as possible. I'm sure that down deep he knows that his relationship with this OW that he had the affair with is probably "dead in the water", thus his attraction and "friendship only" with Ashirely. My question for Ashirley's OM and mine is "Why are you attracted to women that are as unavailable as you?" I think it's an excuse to keep their lives exactly the same and not change their unhappiness unless there is something or someone waiting in the wings to pick them up.
3. Can you be friends with them. You are so right! NO. If I continue my friendship with him, I would be lukewarm and that never works. I'm either friends with you or I'm in love with you. It's not a little of both. I am in love with my OM, BUT I'M MARRIED ALREADY AND MY VOW IS TO HIM. I know that I must end this friendship, and while hard, I am getting closer to that. Ashirley is lucky because she has already started down that path and it will become easier and easier. Ashirley, whatever we feel for these OM is a passing thing. It can never be anything because it's the wrong time and in the wrong way. One can never "create" or "force" that that makes life between two people worthwhile and good. A relationship with either man will never be good unless it's handled correctly from the beginning.<p>I think that we are all intelligent people. We know right from wrong. When things become tough in our marriages and we find that we've grown in a different direction, we need to think back to a time when our spouses completely fulfilled us and know that we can try to achieve that again. AND, IF WE CAN'T, we will know that we handled ourselves appropriately and our spouses with respect and dignity. <p>Talking with all of you has helped me immensely because it reminds me that I'm a good person WHO KNOWS THE ANSWERS ALREADY. I don't need anyone to tell me a truth that I already know in my heart. It's up to me (and Ashirley) to figure out what's missing in our marriages and work like heck to put it back together again. I'm a romantic, too, but romance doesn't walk the floor with you and a sick child or pay the bills at the end of the month, or sit by your bedside when you're having surgery or pat your back when your heart is breaking because of the death of a parent. Those are the moments you have to remember when the "romance" flame burns out. That is what I am desperately trying to remember. I love my friend, but I LOVE MY HUSBAND THAT MUCH MORE.<p>God Bless!

Clearview and Caran,
Thank you so much for your comments. I really do appreciate your directness. I agree with Caran, you were right on all points. When I met OM my marriage was at an all time low. I didn’t really know how low. So I met this friendly, responsive, interested OM and I let my guard down. We saw each other at lunch every day and began to seek each other out, etc. I had no intention of falling in love, it just happened before I even knew it had happened. I was in denial for a very long time on that topic…I thought that we just liked each other a lot…it was my husband who brought it to my attention and told me that I had fallen in love with OM and I had better quit seeing him. <p>I agree with Caran, I know the answers to my questions…I just don’t like the answers. So I keep on trying to find the answers that I want to hear. <p>I have worked really hard trying to identify the things that were/are missing in my marriage that I was getting from OM and working hard to get those met. My husband has been great and is really trying hard. I have made a lot of progress and each day I am getting further and further along. I am still deeply troubled by the fact that even though I’ve known for a long time that OM and I would never be together, why couldn’t/wouldn’t I let go. I really didn’t want to let go..And I don’t understand why didn’t I want to let go? How could my heart and mind be so out of sync? I just don’t get it. That’s one of the reasons I keep on thinking that I should be able to be friends with this OM. I want to be friends with people I love and care about…But why do I have romantic feelings for this person when I love my husband and want to be with my husband? I just don’t get it.<p>Anyway, thank you so much for your thoughts and concerns…I feel lucky to have stumbled upon such caring people. And Caran, I really do feel like our situations are so similar…I really appreciate your sharing with me (and all readers!) Thanks.<p>P.S. Caran, are you now both equally in pursuit of each? Are both of you trying to refrain from seeking each other out, or is it you that's trying without his help and/or knowledge?

Ashirley,<p>You know it's funny that you should ask about who is pursuing whom. For the longest time, it was me (like a lovestruck teenager - ugh!)who made most of the advances. As I told you, I was getting many "signals" that something was there between us and I think that I pursued out of curiosity and a need to know if what I was thinking was correct. Then, right before I told him my feelings for him, I noticed that our "friendship" seemed to be more MUTUAL. Then, he did something very out of the ordinary, and honestly, quite "flirty", and it WAS THAT that brought me to the decision to tell him of my attraction to him. <p>Since then, our relationship (friendship) has become more intense and our conversations, mostly by phone, more frequent. Neither of us works at a "traditional" sit-down job and we're on the road most of the time, therefore, these phone conversations are at various times and usually by cell. AGAIN, he seems to be now pursuing as much as I do. In fact, if a certain period of time goes by and I haven't called, he calls for sure. The conversations are becoming more personal in that we are talking about parents, siblings, growing up, etc...background stuff. We rarely bring up our spouses and in fact seem to go out of our way to avoid it. We don't talk about personal marital stuff anymore (we did in the beginning of the friendship when we both admitted our marital problems to one another) because....I'm not really sure. Whatever this is, we talk frequently during the day, sometimes up to 3-4 times and the length of the conversations gets longer and longer. Since I told him my feelings for him, instead of shying AWAY from me, as would be NORMAL if a person realizes that someone has a crush on them and the feelings are not mutual, he has GROWN CLOSER to me...much like Dr. Harley talks about.<p>I can't believe that your husband knows your feelings for your OM!!! If that were my husband, he would be gone! The knowledge of that would absolutely devastate my husband and rightly so. It's bad enough that he already knows something's wrong...he just doesn't know what it is. How could I tell him something like this? How do you explain it? I now understand the term "Emotional infidelity". I think in some ways, that is more serious than the sex. It's a nurturing thing that get's taken from the marriage and I think it's the "life-blood".<p>I am confused and scared, as I'm sure you are too. You sound like it, even if you're not. This is exhausting and futile, don't you agree? So much energy spent on something that is going absolutely nowhere. That's why I said that we need to re-focus on what's important and good and real; not a Harlequin fantasy! You realize that's all it is, don't you? Maybe you and I are just "thrill-seekers" or we are both just looking for the impossible...I don't know. I know that I have to deal with whatever is inside of me that needs to jeopardize the good things in my life. I feel like I sabotage myself all the time. This thing that you and I got into really has nothing to do with these OM....it's about what's going on inside of us. When we figure THAT out, then we will have really made some headway. <p>Write soon and share your thoughts!