son school got letter from dad. they turned it over to me, gave it to son. birthday card, inside was letter. mostly saying how bad X feels that son wont come see him. still calling himself "daddy" like he is a little boy, makes son mad, he is 15. you would think X was talking to a small child. nothing about M to OW or that they are together, come see both of them. X knows how son feels about her. son is going through depression now this long sad letter. it was always about him, no one else matters.stated how his grandparents wanted to see him, when we lived in town, they only came over once a yr, and then X had to make them.

it also ask how did he like his computer dad brought to the school. when we were in court a few months ago for X calling our home with threats, told the judge that son never opened the package he just traded it to another classmate. X went on to tell him what was inside the computer he had dell put in for him. mailed X a letter to his house months before Xmas telling him that I bought son a 4600 dell and a list of items son wanted. son did not want the cheaper computer dad bought.

dad also said our D had nothing to do with him. son was mad, saying yes it did, dad missed his home up having A with MOW. now he wants this whore to be his stepmom!

son said he wanted his last name changed, no part of dad. he does not want my maiden name or his brothers name. Son has so much hate for his dad, afraid what will happen when they meet. son has said he would hit OW, and show OW kids copies of our D that named her as the OW.

son has Dr appointment in may, hoping he can help put peace in my son life. when I ask son what would he like to hear dad say, its Im sorry for the A & the D. we both know that day will not come. X parents sent a check for his birthday, son refuses to sign it. son is afraid dad will use his signture and take his money out of his account. X is not a bad guy, its only when he opens his mouth that you see how stupid he is. Im sorry but I needed to vent.

I'm so sorry for you and for your son. In some ways, I'm so glad I didn't have kids. I would have just died if I would have to watch them go thru the same cr*p (or worse) that I did.

Just one thought: If your son really presses you about the name change issue, maybe tell him that, in one year, if he goes to counseling and if he still wants to change his name, then he can. I think he should first agree to counseling (is that the Dr appt?) to deal with his anger over the situation, etc. before he makes a decision like that.

But he is old enuf to know what his dad did and even tho the counseling will help with the anger, he may STILL not want to be connected to him.

Just a thought.

As if the teen years aren't hard enough on a kid... but then to have him dealing with the pain of his parents getting D'd b/c of an A! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I am fortunate (???) that my situation occurred while my boys are so young.

Your title caught my attention, b/c the name change thing is something I've tried to leave open for them. They all have hyphenated surnames... mine first, followed by the stbxH's. I want them to have the options when they're older, to change it if they want to, or drop one. Of course, if what they want to drop is my name, then they'll have to pay for that themselves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do hope that your son is receptive to counselling. I cannot imagine the pain he's in at his age. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Karen

All 3 of my sons have at one point wanted to change their last name. When I remarried, my middle son started using my new H's last name at school. This only last briefly because I explained to him that H's name was not his name. He's ok with that. My youngest wants my new H to adopt him. I doubt that this will happen. Not because H doesn't love him but because ex would never allow it to happen (even though he has nothing to do with the kids). My oldest son wants to have my maiden name. He says that my dad has been more of a father to him than ex ever was. I told him when he is 18, he can do that if he wants. (my oldest is almost 15).

Mitzi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

we talked, after therapy if son wants to change name, then he can. its a shame, son is the last one to carry on his dad name. taken out insurance at work for son, X pays but wont pay court order co-payments or RX, or last yr. school. he owes me $2000. son does not want dad to know when & why he goes to Dr. policy in dad name I cant get any information to son account with BCBS.

enrolled son in another school & son doesnt want dad to know. dont want next yr to be as trashy as this yr. son does not want dad showing up with OW or calling, no more mail at school. wont be easy, we had to cut cable down to basic. changed from fast internet to a lower cost one.

job will let me make overtime. wont be easy at 50 working 16 hrs nights, but my son comes 1st, his well being & mental state means more to me than anything.

today is his birthday, son is 15. he has grown into a nice looking youngman.