For Christians here.....once your divorce was final, did you feel like you were no longer married in God's eyes?

I have this odd feeling like I still did make a covenant with God to be faithful to my H, and I am not Catholic, so there's no requirement to go through the church to get the divorce recognized, but it's odd, I have trouble reconciling how a divorce decreed by the local courts means a marriage that I agreed to with my exH and God has come to an end.

Did anyone else here have these feelings?

Right now, my regrets are outweighing my relief about things being final.

Jen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Hi Jen,

I am also a Christian, but really didn't have any feelings of guilt. I don't know why your divorce happened, but my ex wife had been cheating on me. It specifically says in the bible that adultry is one of the only ways that God would approve of a divorce. I think because of this, it made me feel a whole lot better about it all. I am very happy and am living my life for God, trying to please him.

Hi lucky7, thanks for sharing your perspective.

Why did my divorce happen? Well, I cheated on my H, and that resulted in our separation. I had 2 drunken ONS with OM. I ended the A with d-day. I wanted nothing more than to save our M. My H demanded a separation, then asked me to move out a couple months later. He cheated on me during our separation with a woman who he had been close friends with (and too close, it upset me to the point where I made the foolish choice to sleep with OM, since my H was giving all of his attention to her anyway). He didn't come clean about his cheating until AFTER I filed for divorce, even though I'd gone to 100% honesty post d-day. Duing our separation, he treated me like a 2nd class human being, and wouldn't recommit to working on our marriage, wouldn't give up OW as a "friend" (really, she was his lover), wouldn't go for counselling (even though I was going alone), wouldn't spend time with me doing anything more than having secret sexual encounters.....I could go on, but in the end I filed for divorce because my H wouldn't make a serious attempt at working on our M and wouldn't treat me with love, care or respect.

Some extreme right wing Christian MBers went at me months ago for considering divorce, but I tried my hardest to do what I could to save the M for over a year and a half, with very poor treatment from my H in return. I filed b/c I deserve better. I don't have a particular scripture to back that up, but it was the healthy choice for me.

It just does still feel odd though.

Jen

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 08:52 AM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>

I am about as conservative as you can get, but I am not going to "go at you" for what all your marriage went through. I would imagine after your husband found out about the ONS's, he felt betrayed, used, and awfully hurt. I know how I felt when I found my wife had cheated on me, fortunately I turned to God and didn't do things to kind of pay her back. Nothing can really justify either of your actions, you just have to ask God for forgiveness and move on. You seem like a really sweet person and very sorry for all that took place.

Jen

I'm sorry to hear about your heartache. Must be tough.

I just want to encourage you that God still specializes in picking up the broken pieces and putting lives back together.

I know this has to be a difficult time for you now, but you don't have to become a prisoner of your past. God can write the last chapter of your life, and he likes happy endings. :-)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For Christians here.....once your divorce was final, did you feel like you were no longer married in God's eyes?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No...her divorce was final September of last year. Today, while healing quite well I still think that my marriage to her is what God wanted and desired. Still do

But because of the free will that He gave us she opted for the divorce.

As many have already told you, God writes the final chapter. Do nor let your past nor the actions of your former spouse hold you back from obtaining the gifts that He would like for us to have. That is only between you and Him.

Praying for you

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 12:52 PM: Message edited by: Trusting Him ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jen Brown:
<strong> For Christians here.....once your divorce was final, did you feel like you were no longer married in God's eyes?

I have this odd feeling like I still did make a covenant with God to be faithful to my H, and I am not Catholic, so there's no requirement to go through the church to get the divorce recognized, but it's odd, I have trouble reconciling how a divorce decreed by the local courts means a marriage that I agreed to with my exH and God has come to an end.

Did anyone else here have these feelings?

Right now, my regrets are outweighing my relief about things being final.

Jen <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Jen, first I'm VERY sorry for your life pain. God didn't ever want any of us to "have the knowledge of good AND EVIL"!!! That's behind the forbidden tree command.

And behind the "God hates divorce" command (Mal.2:16) is His supernatural knowledge as our Creator of what will devastate & torment our souls. And DIVORCE does that! You & I are living proof as are millions more.

Jen, that's what you're experiencing now it sounds like to me. The ambivalent feelings when one of God's ordained institutions comes to an end. In the words of Jesus..."from the beginning, it wasn't so" (speaking of divorces).

Now there's also a psychological phenomena of nostalgia and regret and rehashing/replaying that goes on as we all go through the grieving recovery process. That is normal and also a God-given means of restoration.

But Jen, it's SOOOO important for you right now to grasp the spiritual dimensions of what is transpiring within your life. You need to reach the Phoenix stage and rise again from the ashes of this.

That takes place through personal soul-searching, honesty before God, confession and repentance. No short-cuts here.

I'm a fellow pilgrim alongside you Jen. Let me know if I can help any more. I also may need your shoulder to cry on too. This is indeed most painful is it not? Good news! Jesus heals pain!!!!

High Flight

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Jen Brown:
<strong> For Christians here.....once your divorce was final, did you feel like you were no longer married in God's eyes?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">((Jen))

Sure, why not. Actually, I got wrapped up in this scripture and that scripture. I convinced myself that "scripturly (sp)" I was divorced, as well as legally. In reallity I was hiding.

I don't care if you're the WS or BS this is tough stuff and I guarentee my mommy never told me life was going to be this hard. Well for me, it took a lot of soul searching, praying, and time to finally feel free in God's eyes as well as the courts.

Plus, I was sent an angel from this site to be my spiritual leader through the trials of divorce and years after. The funny thing is that when things began to get better in my life she struggled and I was able to be there for her.

Best of luck to you and don't be afraid to lean on people during these times.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers