Does anyone have any opinions on using a mediator or filing for divorce or legal separation thru an attorney? My WH says a mediator is cheaper. Do I have the same type of protection if I use a mediator vs. an attorney or are we supposed to agree on everything? How does this work? Experiences? Good or bad?

Mediation is far cheaper. In my state, many mediators are attorneys. However, I was advised that people need their own lawyer to review the mediated settlement.

Or you can start drawingup a parenting plan and property settlement agreement yourselves, and use a mediator only for those items in dispute.

The book Mom's House/Dad;s house has good ideas on settlements.
Mediation will only work if both parties want it. If there is a power issue, a good mediator will stop the proceedings.
At the end of mediation, both parties typically feel they gave up something - and what they gain is a fair agreement.
Good Luck.

I am currently going through a Mediator although slowly,to start filling out the forms.I was also told they are much cheaper and you can come to an agreement easier and with less involvement by the court system which may or may not rule in the ways that you would have liked had you gone through a mediator.

So far,my Mediator is very nice,answers all my questions and appears to want to help me and my WH settle everything reasonably.And I also agree that another Lawyer needs to evaluate the forms and make sure you understand your rights and if the settlements sound fair.By the time you get to the court,hopefully everything has been "solved" as to who gets what and where,etc and the judge has little else to do but inquire as to your knowledge of the settlements and then grant them.

I heard that judges really appreciate when couples go through a mediator.It says to them that you are trying to be amicable and look out for the best interests of the children instead of a costly,drawn out process in court.

Just my two cents.I am still new to all this as well.

O

<small>[ April 22, 2004, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Does anyone have any opinions on using a mediator or filing for divorce or legal separation thru an attorney?
They are two different things.
A divorce will go through a judge.

Mediation is a process where you “legally” agree to (whatever), prior to going into court.

If you want a divorce , you still must file for divorce.
If you want a separation, you must file for a separation.

A mediator may be used in place of the judge to agree to the division of assets, visitation, etc.
This is MUCH cheaper than using lawyers.
A judge still approves it

My WH says a mediator is cheaper.
Yes.

Do I have the same type of protection if I use a mediator vs. an attorney
Yes. The judge will approve it all during the divorce/separation proceedings.

or are we supposed to agree on everything?
You can agree on as little or as much as you want. But things will get sorted out one way or the other.

If you can have an agreement with each other without a mediator, then it will be far cheaper still. The judge will look at the agreement and see that it is equitable. But you should have a lawyer review it to make sure that no one is getting screwed over.

My question is would a mediator or judge approve a settlement that favors one spouse over the other, even if both spouses personally agree to it?

My question is would a mediator or judge approve a settlement that favors one spouse over the other, even if both spouses personally agree to it?
If both agree to it & it is legal, then it would probably be approved.

That's good news since my WH is probably going to agree to give me half of his father's estate money that he will be recieving in a couple of months. I know he doesn't have too but I have convinced him that it is in the best interest of the kids that mom & dad have equal standards of living.