My x and OW/W theory are right on target so far...

Had son extra 2 days this week as x called late on wed. to say that he was "going outta town on business" and asked if I could have son for 2 more days during what was to be x's time for visitation. So much for OW/W pretending to be the superstepmom thing. Also is a huge signal to me just like my family believed that they're having big time troubles. AFter all, if they're so happy, then there shouldn't be issues like that and she'd be happy to keep my son when x is outta town. Either he doesn't trust her or she doesn't want to. When x called btw...he was very very respectful and sounded..well, sad. Sadder than ever. Somber even. Very different from the Jethro I used to know. But I believe he's still in the fog and this time he dug a hole so deep (new affair marriage)this time he knows there's no way out. He sounded absolutely sad and it was very very wierd. Maybe the fog is clearing and he sees firsthand the destruction and rubble that used to be a pretty darn good life that we once had...

I am just happy for the outcome as week before, got son back one day earlier. Things by atrition, I guess, are starting to work themselves out. Thanks for keeping me and my boy in your prayers btw...

Next week is first un-anniversary since D was final. I know it will be wierd, but I have already lined up stuff to do next tuesday. Am going to a nice dinner and cardiology lecture. Take my mind off of it. The cute PA is going as well and then he's taking me downtown for dessert after (we're skipping dessert at the lecture).

If somebody told me 3 years ago that I would be almost completely happy by now, I'd say that they were crazy. You can get thru this too. And also, if somebody had told me that by now x would be remarried and a dad again, I'd say they were insane too. But look what has happened and sometimes I just stop and have to breathe when I think about everything that has gone down over the last 2 years. I know I'll think a bit about what could have been next tuesday, but I am by far a better and stronger woman than the one who began this journey about two years ago.


Spent tonight inside and did some work for the convention. Had to take a 2k pay cut this week as ceo said that guy I report to (does very little more than I but has been with company longer) was making four k less than I was. Am grinning and bearing it. Alas, the stress from losing almost 200 per month. But when your budget is tight, it's crucial.

Dating has gotten wierd for me. I actually enjoyed staying in tonight and am going to do alot of around the house stuff this weekend. Have a date w/cute resident (ortho) tomorrow night. Been seeing the cute PA as well. For some reason, HN (hilltop neighbor) has not been "getting it" for me and I just don't really feel a nything when I've gone out with him.

Am also seeing a guy who I knew in college and he's really nice. Telecom exec. I was flabbergasted when yesterday he showed up at my house armed with a gift certificate and then had to rush off to a late meeting...He said that he understood I must be really stressed out (he didn't know about work pay cut either I swear!) and gave me a gift certificate to Spa Sydell here.

It's amazing when you're treated with dignity and respect and the amazing contrast from how my xh treated me to today is something I still can't believe. Now what's funny is that I am having trouble imagining me settling down. I know I just had a birthday and that the bio clock is ticking and ticking...really loud..but I am having fun and am doing the thinking thing this time. Am weighing things carefully and am not going to settle.

I have to admit, it was a shocker to me that other guys would treat me a thousand times better as my xh used to. X used to say how he was a prince basically and that I didn't know how good I had it.

Had a nice house. Stayed home. Had nice furniture. But was utterly miserable last 2 years I was married to him after his downward spiral began. To be freed from an atmosphere of abuse and deprication is awesome.

justpeachy,

tell me honestly ... if someone tell you that you could go back and wipe out all the A and its residue from your memory and give you back your old M but you will have to live it for the rest of life the same way ... no improvement from your M. Would you trade today ?

I wouldn't !. I know this is just the beginning I know I will find fulfilling M as well as life.

Take it easy on dating ok ... make sure they are capable to fillin your need and you are too ... take your time to prove it.

-rh-

Hey buddy!

And to answer you...Ignorance is bliss. I didn't know thus I wouldn't know what happiness could be..I guess I would have gone thru things until I hit that breaking point and wanted out.

Am dating around and am just seeing how they and if they want to meet my EN's. But they can't do it completely as I am just dating for maybe four months now.

So far my EN's are much more met by guys I casually date than by my xh ever had done. Sad, I know. But I would have not known happiness or how much more and stronger as a woman and a person I could be unless I had gone thru this hell.

I was a naive younger woman when I had met my x. I had not lived with anybody before and put him on a pedestal believing he was this smart, handsome, charming prince who could do no wrong. He sure could make a girl believe it too. But all I used to know now I understand is just a huge fabrication...a lie.

Glad to hear from you and if you find my email addy, I will give you my new number here in Alpharetta <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Peachy,

You 've got mail <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

I would not trade today with my previous M even as painful as it was.

No one will be able to plug in to your needs as is ... they would have to change and maybe you too but until there is a commitment you should just take it easy.

Hey, probably I could get dating advice from you now ... lol!.

-rh-

Justpeachy,

I've never posted here before, but I wanted you to know that I often read your posts and they are ALWAYS such an inspiration to me. You are a tremendously strong woman and I greatly admire your strength and your willpower to make a better life for yourself and your child.

I think that someday you will make a terrific wife to an even more terrific man and I'm looking forward to the day when you post those happy news to us. Until then, enjoy your dating life and keep doing what you've been doing. You may not know this, but I find you a tremendously inspiring and positive person. I have learned a great deal from you.

Kati

BS 34 (me)
WS 45
M 14yrs
D-DAY EA Sept. 2003