Hi,

To cut right to the chase.... my husband and I have been separated for a month. I'm having a very hard time adapting to this new situation. He acts like we're still a normal married couple with the exception of him having a different address (10 minutes away). He calls me multiple times a day. Each call ends with an "I Love You" from both of us. He tells me his every move, and asks me mine. We aren't arguing anymore. However, we also aren't connecting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I've told him a few times already that I'm having a hard time trying to figure out this new relationship. He seems so content with things as they are. I'm miserable without him here. I'm also terribly confused. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I will not live my life as a married woman with my husband residing at a different house! That's too goofy!!

While there is no fighting going on.... there is no connection either. For example, last week, even though I talked to him every day, several times a day, I didn't see him for 1 week. When we finally did see each other, he didn't even give me a hello kiss. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I felt like I was meeting a "friend".

Our respective children get along great. I almost feel "used" in that when he has his kids (they live with their Mom and visit him EOW), he wants to spend time with me and my kids. His main goal in life is to provide entertainment for his kids. Yesterday, we went to a show, got something to eat and came back to my house. The kids went their own ways playing together. My husband and I sat in the living room......... he in one chair and me in another on the opposite side of the room. He seemed perfectly content. All I wanted was to hold him and have him hold me back. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

The point of my post is that I'm torn on what to do here. We are currently in marriage coaching -- with high hopes that it will bring us back together. However, in the interim, I'm miserable. Completely miserable. When we are together, I want so badly to hold him. He seems to have no desire at all for that. He seems perfectly content to just be with me..... with no intimacy going on at all. It kills me. It hurts sooooo much!

I don't want to make our problems worse..... but I'm seriously thinking of telling him not to call me or see me until he really WANTS to. I'm afraid the multiple daily phone calls are just routine to him. I don't want a "routine" phone call.

I guess I should add that I'm battling my own demons on having patience. Being a very recent cancer survivor.... I have a very hard time relaxing, and waiting for things to work themselves out. EVERY day is precious to me. I can't help the feeling of urgency that I feel with this time that we are spending apart. My life is too precious to me to waste a single moment.

Any advice out there? Am I making a big mistake in requesting that hubby not call until he WANTS to see me?? Up to this point, I have been completely available to him. When he calls, I am there for him. When he wants to get together, I am available. I do NOT want to start playing games. But, it really is so painful for me to see him and feel nothing more than a platonic relationship.

What should I do??

Sarah

Sarah,

I'm realy sorry that you are in this situation. I have been going through the same thing as you for the past several month. It makes it very hard.

I even told my STBX tonight that I cannot stand being so close to her anymore without touching her and holding her(plus a little more that is in my own post). That too was a very hard thing to do. I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. I can tell you that you're not alone though.

I suggest that you bring this up with MC before going into it on your own. Thats the best I can recomend

Good luck and I know how you feel right down to the bottom of my soul

WIWH

WIWH --

Thank you for your response. I'm sorry to hear that you're in the same situation as me. Not a fun place to be........ that's for sure!!

Is it me.... or do you also find yourself obsessing over it all? When we were together and living under the same roof, I could actually sit in the same room as my husband and not think about why he wasn't holding me. Now, if I'm in the same room with him, my mind won't think of anything else! How frustrating!!!

Sarah

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is it me.... or do you also find yourself obsessing over it all? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All Day Every Day!

This is why I am trying to cut down contact with her. I need to think of me more and not so much of her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Is it me.... or do you also find yourself obsessing over it all? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All Day Every Day!

This is why I am trying to cut down contact with her. I need to think of me more and not so much of her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OMG -- I had to double check to see if "I" wrote that post!!! So sorry for what you're going through. But I feel better to hear that it's not just me....... Let's hope and pray that things work out for both of us.

Hugs,
Sarah