I signed the paperwork for dissolution/divorce with my WW about a week ago. She hasn't talked to me since then. I don't know if she has turned the paperwork in yet or not. She almost seems like she has dropped off the earth. She hasn't even talked to my youngest D this weekend. This is very unlike her. I'm just wondering what is going through her head. Any WSs out there that have gone to this point, either filing or close to filing, did you regret or rethink about divorce? Any WSs out there, have you regretted getting a divorce or is your life better now? Just wondering....

Just happened to see your post, and wanted to share something with you.
My D was final last December. My WS went into my atty's office, and signed all the papers, including the transfer for the deed to our house. This is a house we built on land that was handed down in his family for years. About a week late I got copies of all the paper work in the mail. I was devastated to see his signature on all the papers. To see him sign off on his family land was a huge blow to me. I was that bad. It was worth it to get rid of me.
Fast forward a few months later. We actually had a discussion where I got up the courage toa sk him how come it was so easy to sign those papers. How come I was so devastated, but he showed no emotion? He said that on the day he went into the office to sign the papers, after he signed he went out to his car and sobbed. He said he just sat there and sobbed for a long time.
I thanked him for telling me that. I appreciated hearing that I was not the only one who cried.
To answer your question - even though I was not the WS I think I can say that the answer is yes - they do have regrets.

I don't feel my ws showed any signs of regretting signing the paperwork. He still doesn't to this day. I am not the wayward spouse, I was committed to the marriage, but after he physically abused me,I did file. I cried when I went to the lawyer, and had to leave the lawyers office for about an hour just to compose myself. I know now, my ex felt nothing.

I would like to see if there are any ws who regret!

My WS did apologize. I guess in the best way she knew. She sent me an e-mail saying she was sorry.
I've accepted that and have forgiven her long ago.

Lost without her,

i find myself going thru something similar right now. There was, in this case, no infidelity involved. It was abuse and violence and mental illness that sounded the death knell of this, my second marriage.

FWIW, I was the WS in my first marriage which lasted 14 years and bore two children. My 2X and I began living together in June 2000. By July , 2001 we were married. I threw him out of the house by FEb. of 2002. Divorce is pending.

I filed for divorce from H2 because of violence and abuse in our home. Having grown up in that environnment, it was familiar to me but I knew I didn't want to live like that anymore and I certainly didn't want my kids raised in that atmosphere.

So now the divorce is days away from being completed. And I find myself mourning what would never be. We still communicate and see each other occasionally. He is now seeing someone -- we've been separated more than two years -- and I'm really happy for him. I don't want to see him miserable, alone and unhappy. He genuinely seems concerned about my well-being as well.

I'm single, raising my two kids and I find practically speaking the furthest thing from my mind is romance.

So to answer your question in a long-about way. Yes, I do have regrets about my 2 divorce. I know in my heart and intellectually that we just couldn't make it ... but that doesn't mean I didn't (don't) love him or that I didn't want it to work.

In my case, at least, the regret is for what will never be.

Take good care,
Francis

Last late June, we were in attorney's library with both counsels and the court reporter doing the final read of the agreement. When they got to "who gets the kid part and when" I teared up and silently they dripped down my face.

My x seemed stoic at first then came the tears and he kept looking away from me. He was crying.

Then it got to the part about "no overnight visitors of opposite sex in the home when child is in that parent's custody"...He stopped crying and asked both lawyers to "define overnight visit" (very reminiscent of President Clinton asking to define o#al sex). I quit crying and looked at the man and saw a scumbucket. I laughed an ironic laugh and said "hey everybody...he has a mistress..a live in mistress ok?".

Yea they have regret. For a second. But real change is if they stop what they are doing, turn around, and change the behavior and actions.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> Yea they have regret. For a second. But real change is if they stop what they are doing, turn around, and change the behavior and actions. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yup. My x-H has/had regrets....he even still says things like "if we were still married, blah, blah, blah...." when talking about what we could do with the house, how much money we'd be making or trips we could take together.

Weird. He did apogize, in his own way, but still loves and lives with the OW. To be honest, he would like to have BOTH of us. No thanks.....He's also told me that he still loves me (although I know that he's not in love with me.)

But real change of heart comes with actions.

<small>[ April 29, 2004, 09:02 PM: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</small>