Well, ok, I guess I am an old-timer;)

I started posting on MB 2-1/2 years ago under the name LoveHerStill, its been quite a while since I last posted. I changed my screen name because it no longer fit my situation. My M is over, there has been to many things that have happened, too many incidences that have shown me how far apart me and WS are. I am ok with all this, I am in a much better spot than I was way back then.

I am posting to see if there is anyone here that is in Colorado and can point me to some legal groups that specialize in fathers rights. I am trying to get as much information about the divorce laws here and what rights fathers have without spending a bunch of $$$ consulting attorneys. I need to get my D finalized but have gotten all sorts of conflicting advice.

Thanx in advance for any help.

HOLY SMOKE!!!!

I can't believe it! Another person out here in Colorado!! I stunned and thrilled.

Okay--onto your post and your request. I am DEEPLY informed about divorce law here in Colorado because I actually took the time to read the actual laws. Here's a link to the actual statutes: Colorado Revised Statutes-Divorce Law Title 14, Articles 10, 10.5, 11, 12, 13 specifically 14-10.5-101

Here are some general info sites: La Pas Online Resources for Fathers

Governor's Fatherhood Initiative

Colorado Child Custody

Those are just a few links that might help, but I'll put my ear to the ground for specific men's rights groups here in the lovely state.

My general impression after reading Colorado State Statutues was that affairs were not taken into account in determining custody...that both parents have equal, reasonable "rights" to have the physical custody of their kids...that judges tend to assume joint parenting time and joint physical and then need to be persuaded otherwise...and that unless someone has been a convicted child molester, they will get some kind of custody (and even convicted felons get supervised visitation).

I'd recommend documentation, documentation, documentation. The judge can not take the affair into account, but if WS put the kids in danger with the OP or if she consistently put the best interests of the children aside in order to pursue her own best interests (often features of an affair) then THAT can be taken into account, but it has to be documented. Document your parenting training, classes, books etc. Document the time you spend with the kids and the times you spent with them pre-D. Document that you are responsible and will put them first, that you have the means to care for them in a better way, that you are thinking of their longterm best rather than shortterm or selfishly thinking of yourself. Document that you have a plan by which their other parent will be active almost daily in their lives, whereas the other parent's plan is driving you out of their lives.

Is that helpful??

If you need more, you can email me at faithfulwifecj@yahoo.com. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


CJ

Thanx for the info FaithfulWife, I'll check it out in the next few days.

I have come across quite a few BS's from Colorado during the last 2-1/2 years on this site. Guess the horrors of infidelity know no boundaries.

I see in your profile that the XH is bi-polar. I was wondering if that had much of an impact on your chances of recovery and decision to divorce. Although never officialy diagnosed with it, I know STBXW is bipolar too. It was one of several definite roadblocks to any chances of restoring the M.

Also try www.fathers4kids.org

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Rainy Day Person:
<strong> I have come across quite a few BS's from Colorado during the last 2-1/2 years on this site. Guess the horrors of infidelity know no boundaries. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Whoa! I only know of one other MB Coloradoan, so I'm mildly encouraged to know I'm not the only wild west gal out here. However, I guess I'm also saddened to discover there are more of us out here too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Well, shoot, maybe we should have an MB get-together of our own and show those east-coast folks how the west was won!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I see in your profile that the XH is bi-polar. I was wondering if that had much of an impact on your chances of recovery and decision to divorce. Although never officialy diagnosed with it, I know STBXW is bipolar too. It was one of several definite roadblocks to any chances of restoring the M. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmmmmm...well, bipolar disorder DEFINITELY has a major impact on relationships and recovery in general. In my specific instance, my exH is a hyperactive manic, followed by going over the edege into raging mania and paranoia, followed by a depression that lasts just a couple of days during which time he can get nothing done and feels unloved and lonely--rapid cycling. It was impossible to predict his moods so it was constantly like living on a foundation of warm jello.

To be frank, my exH was diagnosed with bipolar, BPD, General Anxiety Disorder, and sexual addiction, and I knew it would be a rough road, but I was willing to stand by my vows and stay with him and encourage and support him as best as I could, if he would deal with his issues and seek treatment. He refused. His solution was to take "pills" and they cured him, so any time I brought up the topic of being moody, or a mood swing, or "mania" he would fly into a rage and scream "THIS ISN'T BIPOLAR!! YOU (BLANKETY-BLANK) (SWEAR WORD) (NAME CALLING)!!!"

In the end, the impact on our recovery is that I felt we never had one. He continued to have affairs blaming them on his mental illness and lack of control--but simultaneously claiming he was cured and needed no treatment. He continued to rage and abuse at will, and made no effort to chart his moods or look for a pattern or protect us from himself. He did not need ANY kind of psychiatric treatment...or MC or IC for that matter...or anger mgmt. classes (to quote him, "It was so BORING! I could TEACH that class!" why being physically abusive behind closed doors). It was just denial from one end to the other--either that or blame!

So, when the day came that I discovered his 13th affair (sexually explicit cybersex email) and his plan to meet the OW after his birthday party when everyone had gone home...well, I cried for 3 days and I cried because I knew what it came down to was not being able to trust myself to protect myself anymore. I tried every which way but loose to help, make, encourage, cajole, or scold him into dealing with his problems, and he just wouldn't even though he knew it was harming me to keep ignoring it. Soooo....it had to end.

My decision to divorce came after he moved out. He actively pursued his cyber sex lifestyle and worked 90-hour days and was a mess--but for us the house was a little more peaceful and steady. Then came breakins--refusal to leave when asked peacefully--refusal to leave when police were called--waking up and finding him sitting in my room a few feet from my head--damaging the house--sneaking into the house to take stuff--snooping on my PC when I was out at the movies...scary stuff like that. I mean SCARY because the "right mind" wasn't there and I felt like I could not tell what he was capable of--and given the right circumstances I was pretty sure he was capable of anything! Divorce was the only way.

So, I think bipolar DEFINITELY affected our recovery and the decision to divorce, but sadly I don't think it HAS to be the death-toll of a marriage. If he dx'ed partner is willing to do the work and do their best, and the other partner is committed and supportive and learns too, I think it could be "doable." Sad, isn't it??


CJ