Just an update for all who wonder how often these relationships do fall apart.
this weekend my ex called our 2 boys becuase he had something he needed to talk to them about.
He and the OW have finally split up. D day was June 25, last year. Today is April 25, 10 months later, and it is finally over.
I am divorced now, and actually quite happy with my life. I am not interested in "taking him back". But I am interested in helping him to rebuild his relationship with his boys. They have not spent much time with their dad in these past 10 months.
I believe the relationship is truly over. There was no big blow up - it just fizzled. In the end she told him that she has "too much going on her life right now to be in a relationship with him" I actually suspect she has all ready replaced him. And her D is still NOT final.
But I saw my ex several times this past weekend. he looks much happier. He is looking for an apartment. I offered to give him furniture to help him out. I want him to make a nice home for my boys to visit. When ex lived with OW her kids had the 2 bedrooms, my boys slept on the floor. They only went over a couple of times, and then made up excuses when he wanted them to visit.
But the boys are happy now. They never liked the OW.
I want to say something to anyone who reads this post, and is still hoping to save your marriage. It can be done. I am not trying to save my marriage any longer. Too much has happened, and I have made a nice life for myself. But I can tell, right now, that once he and the OW finally seperated, there would have been a chance to repair the damage. He has become friendly again, I am starting to see signs of the man I once knew.
But I can't forget how he left me crumpled on the floor last summer, sobbing, and devastated.
I can't forget all the football games he brought her too, knowing that it was killing me.
I also remember his bad temper, and his obsession with porn. No thanks. Not me. Not again.
But......if you are still trying, and wonder if there is hope, I want you to know that there is hope. I can tell by the way he calls me now, just to chat, that it would not take much effort from me, and he would want to come back. But I do not plan to give him any encouragement. Earlier today I called him to talk about older son, and he chatted about thing she did this past weekend, told me he is taking Wednesday off from work, and is working this Saturday. He never would have shared these things with me 2 weeks ago. These are things we would have discussed as a married couple - but not now.
Hang in their MBer's.

WofF,
It sounds like you are in agood place.

God Bless!

Hi W-O-Faith----

I couldn't help but smile when I read your post!
To know that your X's relationship with OW had fallen apart is such a shame!!
I hope too, that someday my X's will too!

I would not take my X back now either.
There was plenty of time for that, but the hurt and pain has gone too deep for me. Trust?? Not an ounce!

Take care of yourself! Thanks for the update.

K

Glad it's over but sorry it's too late. I understand how you feel.

It's amazing how much havoc WS wreak and don't consider the real "costs" of the divorce and when it's all said and done they have broken apart a family forever. They think they could come back and that things can change but when stuff like this goes down, there are fallouts and outcomes that the foggy people just don't care about or don't think about until it's too late. Their desires for their own needs and for the affair partner clouds their good judgement and when it's over, a family is suddenly gone in a puff of smoke.

I am sorry he was an idiot. But I am glad you are doing so well. God bless you and the kids.

Hi womanoffaith5

I see you say its over between your ex and the ow. You said it is easier to go to kids events now that the other woman is not there.
I wish I could say the same for me, I know if the other man were gone (even if it didn't mean me and my ex being a couple), it would be a lot easier to be parents.
What a shame it is for my kids to see the division between us.
Tonight at my oldest daughter's recital at school I had to sit alone while my ex and om, plus my 6 year old sat together.
After the recital my ex didn't even send my daughter my way so I could congradulate her, I had to go towards them and get my daughters attention for them to come to me. (and that was but for a brief moment).
I don't know why she does this to me, she knows it must hurt me, does she enjoy that.
She seems to pretend that I don't exist, she doesn't even acknowlege me.
This all hurts me very much, is this man this much better than I was? She sure seems to think so.
It almost seems like she is under his control.
I know you can identify with the other person being involved where you think they shouldn't be involved with (your kids).
What does she have to gain by treating me this way, she has got to realize she is treating the kids this way also.

I agree with just peachy. I am glad you are in a good, strong place. In my case the other woman, married, and my husband had to make me a non-person to justify thier actions. There are real costs to a divorce, which I am getting, which some needy, greedy people aren't capable of understanding. I hope to forgive, someday, but never forget all the lies that continue even now. I want them to hurt more than I do and live with it. It's too late for me, but maybe others will have better luck. It's great to know that you have made a good and happy life in such a short time. Bravo!

bastille

I agree about being the non person, I am the non person, I'm the person that I guess in her mind really never existed, it was just her imagination that we were ever married, and if she doesn't have to see me, it is like we never were....too bad for the kids though....to see their dad treated this way.
I guess if she doesn't have to see me, she won't feel guilty....(that's what restraining orders are for aren't they?)