This makes me sick!

FOC ordered that STBX H have supervised visitation... this is good. But they are giving it to him every Wednesday from 6:30-8:30 pm... The kids bedtime is at 8pm!! And he gets them for 4 hours on Sunday... I hate this! How can I possibly go 6 hours every week without my babies, knowing they are with THAT man???

How do you deal with it??

Scuba,

I understand your feelings, but visitation isn't only about the parent's right, it is about the child's right to both parents. Yes, the children does have some rights too!

I know you are angry and hurt right now, but there was a time when you chose "that man" to lay down with and make babies. There are consequences involved when we make life choices, and you are going to have to find a way to deal with it.

You are going to learn to hate the word time, but for most of us, things do heal in time, and we are able to make our adjustments for the best interests of our children.

Ok, first... "that man" was not "this man" when I met him, married him and had children with him. This came out later. Secondly, this all bothers me because he IS "that man". He is abusive and angry. (I have a restraining order to prove it.)How can that POSSIBLY be in the best interest of the children. They don't know him. My 4 month old hasn't seen him since she was 2 months and has NO clue who he is. (H not seeing them was his fault, not mine.) How can THAT be in their best interest??

Does anyone else have any advise that doesn't include "deal with it"... cuz I already know I have to do that. HOW do you deal with it is what I want to know?

OK, you've vented. Now think about it.
You need time to heal and get things done. He only has 6 hours a week with his kids, and no overnights. That is far less than most fathers get.
And it's not Visitation, the new term is "parenting time".

You are still so angry and the hurt is so raw.

Remember that you need help to heal and time to get that help. I hope you are seeing an individual counselor because helping yourself heal will be the best thing you can do for your children.
I also suggest you find a local divorce support group to help you through this. Online is good, but real people who are in the same situation helps alot.

scubed,

I'm sure that those 6 hours are very long for you but be thankful that it is only 6 hours.

I go for days without seeing my children and it is pretty tough at times.

I'm sure that he is no longer the same man that you married and it really must suck to have to expose your children to him.

Give him the time to screw it up for himself and maybe you can put an end to it.

WIWH

Thank you for the responses. Sorry if I seem short. I don't mean to be. I just hate this whole situation. I love my kids and I fear for them so much with him.

Maybe during these times, I'll go get a manicure or something... something for me. (I don't ever do anything for "me" anymore.) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Remind yourself that these are supervised visits and your children will be safe.
It's good you didn't internalize the comments.
You will find that you will benefit from the time away from your children. Time for you.
Keep healing.

I am totally empathetic to your situation scubed. And to be quite honest, I'm surprised that any judge would allow visitation for a 4 month old, when the mother isn't present!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If you breastfeed, especially without bottles, I would highly recommend finding a new lawyer and going against this judgement.

I remember back when I first found MB, I had just had my twin sons, and was trying to do my plan A and allow for visitation (I was not in fear of my life at that time... that came about 1 1/2 yrs later when I left for a shelter). Anyways, I was looking into visitation guidelines, and came across some that gave standard suggestions based on the ages of the children, and their average EMOTIONAL capabilities at the time.

If you can tell me the ages, I can try and find what this paper said, and copy it on here. The only catch, is that I cannot guarantee I have the paper handy, and I am away from a computer until Friday night.

I'll go see if I can find the paper now (my only hope is in my file box.... if it's not there I haven't a clue where to find it), and if I can, I'll come back and post what it says for the baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

((((((((( scubed ))))))))))

Karen

I couldn't find the paperwork... BUT I found the info online!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

http://www.sc.co.pima.az.us/domestic/Visitation_Guidelines.htm

I am in Ontario, Canada, and this same document was given to me from a canadian family law lawyer, and he explained that these guidelines are pretty standard throughout North America, even though they originate from AZ. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope it helps.

Karen