Am making it ok. Today would've been 8 years. But it's gorgeous outside and tonight I am going to a very nice dinner and meeting for local med society and am supposed to have the cute pa sit with me tonight..

So I have a new outfit to wear (a la audrey hepburn) and am going to do my darndest to forget what today was.

Don't you ever wonder if the XWS accidentally looks at their calendar, or even has a remote clue that something once happened on that day?

It's gotta be wierd for my x b/c not only is it first unniversary but he's already remarried and a dad again instantly.

Somehow this year, I feel free. Really free. I can say that I am happy and that I am a much better person having gone through this crud.

And the only thing that stinks about today is the fact I picked end of April for the day b/c according to rainfall tables, least chance of rain on that weekend.

So officially April 27 is Peachy's Unniversary and freedom day. Happy freedom to me.

I wish you each peace today and prayers to all here who find themselves suddenly on this board. It's not the board we wanna be on, but it's been literally a lifesaver for me. Three years ago looking back, I didn't think I could survive this pain. But I did.

It was unthinkable 3 years ago what was happening to me at the time. The affairs were in full swing and he changed from the man I once knew & loved into an abusive monster all b/c he couldn't understand or want to deal with the stress in his life b/c of some huge million dollar lawsuits.

Today I played my divorcetheme song, "In Th End" by Linkin ...long version on their remix album and thought about everything on the way onto work.

I have for sure come a long way and survived, but know I have a long way to go until I am completely healed.

If you would have ever told me that today I'd be all getting dressed up to go out and NOT celebrate what used to be my anniversary I'd say you were on crack.

But today look at me. I am happy, smiling, and going out to a fancy dinner and lecture among colleagues, friends, and one very ultra cute good guy.

Remind me after tonight to post the "little thing" this guy did last week that ACTUALLY MADE PEACHY'S PULSE RISE. Haven't had that rise in about 5 years and almost didn't know what it was.

Have a blessed evening and rest of day.

((((Peachy & Son))))

I don't need to say it but you've come a long way baby. Hope and pray that the good Lord grants you all the peace and happiness that you deserve.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Hi Peachy,

I posted this message yesterday to you on a different thread:

Justpeachy,

I've never posted here before, but I wanted you to know that I often read your posts and they are ALWAYS such an inspiration to me. You are a tremendously strong woman and I greatly admire your strength and your willpower to make a better life for yourself and your child.

I think that someday you will make a terrific wife to an even more terrific man and I'm looking forward to the day when you post those happy news to us. Until then, enjoy your dating life and keep doing what you've been doing. You may not know this, but I find you a tremendously inspiring and positive person. I have learned a great deal from you.

Kati

BS 34 (me)
WS 45
M 14yrs
D-DAY EA Sept. 2003


Please know that you are a fantastic person and you are doing so well. Please keep up with everything that you are doing because there are people here who really look up to you.

Kati

Peach...

I wholeheartedly agree with Kati. Your posts have been way inspirational for me as well. Especially this one.

I seriously would like to talk to you. I have this friend (well it's a guy) that had his final hearing in February, but has lived out of the family home since last April 21st (don't think last Wed. was a pleasant day for him). Anyway, I see in this guy almost a scary thing - where I was four months ago.

I'm fully aware from my own experiences, as well as from going to therapy and reading here on the boards that we all heal in our own time. All I can do for this man at this point is be an "ear" for him, and not being an expert, only offer what has worked for me in my sitch. I know I can't scoop him out of it and make it better. I know I can't rush him. He's at the "I'm ready to date....no wait, I'm not ready to date" stage. So, while we've been friends and talking things through, we have also hung out on a more personal level and watched a movie together a couple of times.

Did you ever have a stigma when you first started being "out there" that you weren't really ready for people to see you with someone new in public? Maybe that only works like here, in a small town. I know I went through that...went on a date here locally, and got a lot of thumbs up and "you go girl" type things from people. I appreciate that people are supportive of me and the fact that I'm OK now after the divorce, but sorta felt weird having a "cheering section" on a date. So, for a while, I don't even use the word "date"...it's hanging out. Less pressure.

Anyways, Peach, like Kati said....keep doing what you're doing...there are those of us that look up to you and aspire to be doing a fraction as well as you are!!

skip

Hey...

Bill! I love you so much buddy! I am so missing you and have new phone number and email private but it's same old email so email me ok before this turns into one huge gigantical, long runon sentence...lol!

Kati,
Thanks so much. You are going to do fine and make it as well. I just wished somebody had told me earlier that I would. Glad to have another buddy who will make it here. For sure you can and will I guarantee. You must decide to become stronger than what's placed before you.

Skippie,
I understand where you are too and can say that maybe it is small town stuff but I had no problem with being seen in public after the divorce as I wasn't the one cheating and felt that it was cool for people to see me actually living and breathing and somehow getting on with it. I could honestly care less about how or what x thinks btw..

And ironically x called 2x on unniversary to say stuff about lawyer stuff (another lawsuit) and talk a bit. It was awkward and wierd but he was nice and respectful and that was again wierd.

Lecture went really nice and cute PA and I went out afterwards and got some dessert. Only problem now is the rumor mill at the practice. I am contracted privately thus I am not legally their employee and my company is who I answer to. Nobody seems to say anything really but last night Rick (PA) went to another meeting with the docs and they kinda let the cat outta the bag. Knowing that we don't want our business being everybody else's business, he said he wouldn't confirm or deny that he and I are somewhat dating now. It's wierd b/c we don't even see one another much at all at the practice. He's usually in ER or at hospital seeing patients and I see the patients inhouse. And when we are around there's nothing to give it away so we're both baffled although he said that people have "noticed" that we always sit by each other at a lecture or that he accidentally comes by my department and that he texts messages alot in the ER. But hey...they are bored people and this is fun for them and we're not going to add unfortunately to it. And no job conflicts as we don't make it an issue...the dating part..so we will I guess kinda be like James Carville and Mary Matalin and just keep it very low key until people get something better to talk about.

So that was/is going good and just like I need to stir the pot even more...the cute former neighbor that lived in same subdivision with me and x (no, not HN, the other guy)...the one who wanted the firm committment about a month ago...Just got back from Columbia and Australia on business and dropped by for a minute today after work to try to talk to me.

When it rains it pours. Just when things are going well for Rick and I, then the other guy I really liked showed up.

Tomorrow am going outta town for a wedding. A former BS and one of my best girlfriends back home are getting married. My date is my son btw..We're going to have a blast. Am going to last minute surf in a bit for web fares to see if I can get outta the five hr. drive home.

I hate this stupid dating stuff. It's wierd. I wished there'd be this magic brick that would fall onto my head and knock some insight asap into me...I can't decide who I like more...either the guy who went to college with my sis and bro in law, Rick, or the old somewhat bf. Somehow I am leaning towards Rick though.

This stinks. I want to get on with things and have a life again but can't decide for the life of me who to pick or if I should pick at all. And no, I am not juggling. I believe when we're older, say in thirties or more, that you either have a committment (engaged or married) or you don't and you're free ( what I am now). Dating when you're older really isn't that structured as I see it and why label something until you're ready for a real label? Just my .02 cents ok?

Peachy,
How cool is it that your big dilemma these days is ... which ultra-cute, sexy, well-heeled man do I want now?
You go girl!
hugs on the anniversary date thing ... but you are doing EXCELLENT!
Have a blast at the wedding.

Peachy - yep its hard. But look at your ex, he doesn't seem to be happy. Yeah, he has someone that he has sex with, BIG DEAL. He has a baby that came into this world, with lust. The baby, bless its heart, God loves this little one. But this child didn't ask to be here, and was created out of lust. Through your posts, he seems to be a very unhappy man.

You are moving ahead. You seem to have a great job, new place to live, and a beautiful son.

Your anniversary, will mean the creation of your little boy. Without this day, your little boy would of not been created. My anniversary, is a gift from God that my children were created. They were conceived with love of my heart to this man I chose to marry and have children with, committment to God and to my husband.

Now I will look at this day with sadness. But I will also look at this day with great gratitude towards God for letting me have 4 beautiful children. Even though the once upon a time husband hates me as a woman, I still love my children.

My counselor told me as the years go on, the day of marriage will disappear. I do believe it will happen, just hard to see now. Also, she said to make it a fun day for you in anyway you choose to do so.

Your are doing so well peachy, with all that you have gone through, and you have survived.

Peachy,

You seem to be having a blast! I always love hearing your dating stories.
I used to work in a Hospital.
Of course, I was married then, but the potential if you were single, was there for sure.
Reading your stories, almost makes me want to go back!
But, then again, I was younger then, so maybe the potential wouldn't be the same for me at this point in my life.

I read something that Skippie said. About feeling weird in public with a date.
Oh how I relate.
For me, I feel ashamed.
Like I did something wrong.
I have been separated for a year now, and divorced for 4 months, and I still have this huge cloud over my head of shame. What is that all about????

Anyway,
I too get alot out of your posts.
I'm living through you!! Wishing I had a couple men to choose from.
I have one that really likes me, but I'm in a weird spot. I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship. To share my life with another man yet.
I used to think I wanted alone time, but I'm coming out of that thought.
I think I would be lonely if I didn't have this man in my life, but, at the same time I'm not ready for a life time commitment.

Keep having fun!!

K

Wedding went great. She looked beautiful and was really happy.

Ran into couple...he was my x's old roommate during his single days and I introduced him to his now wife...they too have been married 8 years, together 10 as me and x wouldn've been. They were so nice and he said "I wish I could have told you about him...but back then you wouldn't have listened." They apologized to me and said that they were so glad to "see me back being my old self again".

Was great! Son had a blast and he danced and was a dancing machine on the dance floor. Some of my old coworkers had never seen my son before and they were so excited! After the wedding, my best girlfriend from back home went out w/son for a steak dinner. Visited family as well and can say that it was so great to have that breather. so what if I am tired and exhausted? It was worth it for the attitude adjustment.

And thanks Renee! Am having more fun and when you finally let go of something you CANNOT control, you learn to live again.

Faith my bud,..that is the key. You gotta let go of what you CANNOT control. Then you can breathe, think, laugh, and live.

X did call a few times on the unniversary and it was very wierd b/c I was so businesslike.

Over the weekend got a few calls from Rick and also from the cute resident and old neighborhood dude. This am at work got text from Rick and an "miss you" . That was very wierd but kinda good.

Bill writing to you in a bit btw.

And skippie, karona, and kati...it's coming for you guys too. I swear it is. Takes a bit longer than some. I first started going thru this in 2001 so it did take me some time to get here and I waitied to get life going again until it was legal...that meaning it being signed.

My theory on dating...

Don't date until you can get really excited about going out with yourself alone. Don't date until you find that "unexplicable reason why you feel happy" in the morning one day.

What I've found is that there are plenty of people out there to date. Really. And I am amazed. From all the singles out there, why in the heck do some people wanna hook up w/married people? I don't get it. It's so stupid basically. Besides the morality problem there, it's just stupid and not good for dating logistics. Unless people see it as a "challenge" to get them away from their SO or family or something.

Oh yea...got asked to go to Vegas w/cute former neighbor (not HN..the one who asked for committment and really cute and one I used to like alot). For this weekend. Not sure what I want to do. I kinda need to do yardwork.

New dating mantra: "If you have "it"...they will come".

Meaning, that if you are confident, happy, can laugh at yourself and at world around you, wear matching clothes and deoderant, occasionally leave your house and go to places people are known to congregate at...then odds are you too shall meet somebody. Just get "it". Find that "it". For me it took searching. Being really honest about me. REading "life strategies" about 1000 times over and over.

Yep, I have to move forward. Just things get me down, when ex suggests to me that I go bankrupt. This is hard to take, and I wonder why he has to be such a [censored]. He is living free, leaving on airplane to go to his biology experiment in Arizona this week. Staying for a week, probably in her condo.

He asked this morning is there anything that he needs to get done while he is gone. Why now, when he does nothing around here in the past. The kids do things, not him. Yeah like he really cares, sure, he leaves tomorrow, and he is now asking. Just to show me that he has the money to fly, and travel and be with his biology experiment.

When ex moves out of state, will be the best thing for myself and his mother.

He is late on his alimony and childsupport. Three days, he wanted to change it to pay me direct, and here it is 3 days overdue. I have the feeling that I will have to go back to the courts and get this changed. The judge told me that I could if this doesn't work out. So I have written in my journal, 3 days late. And will check to see what date me put on the check. If it was dated back, won't accept. Only will accept with the correct date. To show the judge.

I hate fighting everything with him. I hate that he is so unthoughtful, and manipulating. But that is who he is and that is who he will be.

Hey...you're writing about HIM again. And so what? HE sees the former OW. She's nothing to you and you need to work towards indifference. To HIM especially.

My x threw his new white gold (could have been plat) rolex in my face last time I saw him and I could care less.

And it's NOT his job to do a single thing so don't expect anything or ask for anything from him except for what's legally allowed. So quit it! Stop it! You're doing it again. Stop with the "about the x" crud and get onto good stuff with you. Go get life strategies by dr. phil and get to reading girl...it helped me a ton!