Yesterday I signed the first papers for divorce. I am incredibly sad. My husband of nearly twelve years had an affair that began in 2001 and lasted about one year. He is still working with her and will still ocasionally go to lunch with her. We were separated last year and finally I asked him to move back to his apartment (that he maintained for a year).

I know we have both made mistakes in the relationship. I can be too much in a box and want God to fit in that. My husband, once a believer, now wants nothing to do with God or the church. We have two boys and it makes me incredibly sad for them, too. I pray he sees the winsomeness of a God who loves him and cares about who he is.

He has said for months that he doesn't want this marriage, but now that I am acting on that he seems mad. In no way do I trust him right now, though.

Please pray for him -- to see God as one who loves and pursues him -- not wants to shame him. Also, please pray for me. This hurts so badly.

I am scared to death of the whole divorce mess and legal battles. I don't want to battle him. I think he has bipolar II issues, though, and I am not always sure if I am talking to the rational husband or irrational one.

Thanks -- I pray this makes sense. It is so hard to summarize a lifetime.

I’m sorry you’re here, but welcome! It’s really scary when you sign those papers. And then…. nothing happens.

Your husband may have said he didn’t want the marriage, however, it’s very likely he didn’t want divorce either. When you filed, you basically said, “Hey, buddy, you ain’t the only one who gets a say in this!” and you took away one of his options. The option you have taken away is NOT the option of being happily married to you. The option you took away is the option to remain happily separated from you with many of the perks of marriage.

If you still want a happy marriage with this man, consider a protection letter/Plan B letter. Basically, you write to him saying you love him, you married him for life and would like to be married to him in a way that makes you both happy. You are sorry for helping create the conditions that made the affair possible. HOWEVER, in order to protect the little bit of love you have left for him and protect yourself from the hurt, you have filed for divorce. If he would like to remain married to you, he needs to stop ALL contact with OW and come to counseling.

If that’s not how you feel, okay. Scared and sad is a totally normal reaction even when it’s what you want and need. Guilt is totally normal too. I can’t tell you how guilty I feel whenever I have to see the school counselor and my kids are doing well compared to some. I’m also feeling incredibly guilty that I won’t take care of this man who says he needs me. Some of this you should be spared since your h. committed infidelity.

Hope--- We were separated last year and finally I asked him to move back to his apartment (that he maintained for a year).
what do you mean?

I will pray for you and your boys. I think shame creates such barriers in a person but God does have the power to break through strongolds. Your H will regret what he has done someday but will he be willing to right the wrongs? Only God knows this. Grow closer to God and be filled with His strength and power so that you will be able to STAND in whatever battles come in life. This life is a battleground and it pays to learn how to fight right (with love and persistents). Just remember, some things (like money, houses, cars, etc) are not worth fighting for.

TW

Hi. I'm fairly new here too & I just want to say I'm sorry you & your children have to endure this horrible road. The people here are great, the info is awesome, but most of all, if you truely allow the Lord to take you through this mess, you will be fine. Different, but fine. God's best to you and yours.
R1

Hope 92,

I will pray for you and your family. And yes, there is hope. My marriage looked dead to the world for a long time, way before dday in fact. But I found that my God is bigger than my circumstances. Here 's a website that helped me a lot in addition to MB

rejoice ministries


D.