I could really use some advice on my situation. I am currently separated from my husband. We've been separated for the last 8 months. He's 10 years older than I am and we've both been married before. He was married 12 years ago for a year and I had just divorced right before meeting him.

I have two children from my first marriage and he has four children, by three different women and is a notorius lady's man. We have been together for the last four years but married only two of the four. Our entire relationship was up and down and off and on to say the least. At first he was very, very attentive and affectionate and then in his own words, "the newness wore off", but I'm madly in love with my husband though everyone tells me I deserve better.

We both could have been a whole hell of a lot better to each other to say the least. Everyone said I shouldn't have married him, because he's a dog (including his family) and everyone says leave him alone now (including his family.)

We've gone through a lot together and through it all we always seemed to wind up together, with the past not forgotten or forgiven, just simply remaining in love until the next time. My husband is determined to get off of the rollercoaster ride we've been on, although he's caused at least 85% of the reasons we were on the rollercoaster to begin with.

My husband is adamant that he no longer wants to be married. Before we split we tried counseling for a whole day and went to a seminar for a couple of hours and my main problem with my husband is that though we had our problems I don't feel as if he really gave us a shot.

Now, I have to accept the fact that he doesn't want to be married. However, we talk daily and constantly, he asks me continuously for sex and is still basically my best friend as I am his. Everyone is telling me that he just calls me and keeps me close because he wants sex, but my husband is a very nice looking man who has it going on and can get sex from anyone honestly. He doesn't have to use me for sex. I keep trying to accept the fact that it just simply didn't work out, but talking to him constantly makes it very difficult.

Then everyone says just hang up on him, change your number and don't respond to his emails. When I cut off contact with him he calls me at work and asks me why I cut him off. Then when I tell him I need some distance in order to get over him and on with my life he seems to understand but never stops contacting me for more than a couple of days. He'll then ask me for sex daily for weeks until I give in to him. Afterwards we're still cool, it's not like I don't hear from him again afterwards, it's just not going anywhere, he doesn't want to be married.

So my problem lies here. He doesn't want to be married and swears up and down he's not sleeping with anyone else, although we're both meeting new people. But we both feel as if we don't want to be intimate with anyone else, we would rather have sex with our spouse. I feel the same way. I don't want to just sleep with somebody else or meet somebody else, I love being with him. But then that may be keeping me tied to him. The last thing I need right now is a new relationship or a new man so I wind up giving in to him eventually anyway. I do have a toy..since that's what everyone says... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> but I miss the intimacy we had together.

We have a much better friendship now than we've ever had and I am still hopeful that maybe in being friends maybe we can get back together. I don't know what to do. If I should just cut him off cold turkey like everyone says or should I just remain friends with him, pray on it and hope for the best?

Although we had our problems we didn't have an abusive marriage or anything like that, we just seemed to want two different things. I was family focused and he is focused on being in the streets and not putting family first. I know my message is LONG but ANY help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

<small>[ April 29, 2004, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: 2 Steps Forward, 4 Steps back ]</small>