Just reflecting back of what happened to me in the last year, how many of you were blamed for everything?
Recalling my deposition for court (pre-trial) and
how my wife and her attorney raked me over the coals. Why did they try and portray in such a bad light?
They brought up stuff that was irrelevent, such as why did I quit high school for 1 year, how my first jobs when I was married were lower paying jobs, they were not careers. How they said I never tried to better myself. That I was not intereseted in church (we as a couple never found a church to suit us, we really didn't look)
How my wife wanted to stay home with the kids instead of me (which she did want to, but she made at least twice as much money as me). She has always held that against me.
She went as far to say that I was not a good parent, that I was "a good plaything for the kids, that he loves them, and they love him, but not a good parent"
You see for as long as we had had kids it was if she were almost an outsider, it was always me and my girls doing the family thing, and to this day she has not experienced the daily grind of taking the kids to and from school, taking them to practices, church, getting them to friends houses, etc,etc. Yet she has custody (which is a joke). You see she had destroyed me, had me backed down, had thrown a whole lot of untrue negative things at me at the time of our court.
Which instead of going to court, we settled, of course I was so beat down, I couldn't put up much of a fight. I guess I was also not trying to make her mad, because I wanted there to be hope between us.
But back to being blamed, why does a spouse feel they have to tear the other down, does it make them feel better?
You know what I said when asked if my wife was a good parent? I said she is a great mother.
I didn't say anything negative.

You know after I was kicked out of the house my wife said (in one of our brief conversations)
She said that she hopes she has helped me find God................Well I don't know how much she helped me find God, I know I turned to him after what all was done to me.......by her.
So I guess she is responsible for me finding God....just not in the way she thinks.

Thanks for your time

After almost 18 years of marriage (18 this Sunday actually)I found numerous out about numerous affairs and too many lies to count. I filed for divorce citing irreconsible differences and inappropriate maritial behavior.

My husband not only counter sued me, but admitted he'd had affairs with "justification". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

How's that for being blamed??!!!

Rustfirefly - I am blamed for absolutely everything - and let me tell you living with that - used to bother me alot - I would actually let it get to me... But as usual he is blaming me because my kids don't like the lady next door - the other woman - mind you - I have turned them against her... And now he tells me that her two kids don't like him either - because well get this her exhusband has turned her two kids against him - So it is so obvious to me that - four children involved do not like either other person - because well we are all neighbors - and both families broke up ... Yet the two people who are together now and the cause of it all.. Cannot accept the simple truth - That maybe the kids do not like the other people - because - well they broke up their families - but it is easier for the two WS's to blame their ex's -- It is all about being able to justify it in their minds... And it is sad that they cannot accept the blame - but I am thinking that will never happen... So blame I am thinking is always thrown my way because if he couldn't blame me - hell he might have to blame himself and that will never happen - because you know he did nothing wrong - and he deserves to be happy.... Whatever...

maw........
I got thrown the "I'm not doing anything wrong line also", of course this after restraining order filed on me to get me out of house and within a week of that having the other man at the house around my children....nothing wrong here.

I was told that everything was my fault, only because I am the man in the relationship. I did nothing right in her eyes.

She has been telling lies of alleged affairs, alleged actions, alledged thoughts, yes in her opinion, she knows what I am thinking.

Third parties have now joined the fight against me for a piece of the pie. I have been made out to be such a scumbag, that some of my own family is taking sides. I only asked them to please stay out of it. So much for asking.

Had I done what my wife did, go around town blabbing and crying the blues, I would have won the people over. Now that they have heard one side of the story, and their ears are closed, it's too late.

Adult kids should stay out of it. I dont understand why they had to get involved in something that didnt concern them. An agreement I had with them, is now being strong armed by another lawyer. I should just let them be ignorant in their ways and let the judge decide. It wont be my fault, when they get less than I told them i would give.

Would you base a verbal conversation, thats starts with..in the event of our death, we will give you X, and now because of a divorce, rather than death, try to hold me to that... in the event of my death idea?

There is no will, no written agreements at all. They have nothing. that is why they are scared. When you go against me, I might feel less generous, so stay out of it . Right?

ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!

Do you see the princess waving her hand and bouncing up and down?

Oh, yeah!! I heard that line.

We were seeing the same counselor independently. One day x asked me how much of my time with the counselor I spent talking about myself and I said about 70-80%. He said that should tell me something because that's how much of his sessions he spent talking about what was wrong with me. (I need a 'steam coming out of ears' emoticon.)

I told him that I talked about myself so much because I was the only part of the marriage I could work on. I didn't need to spend too much time talking about him because I couldn't do anything about him. I could only work on myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />