Hi, does anyone know about the big "B". This would be on my records for 7 years, correct? I would be a high risk person after the "B". I was at my cell group, buffet dinner tonight everyone brought a dish, we meet once a month to do something with fellow cell group members, and they are going to find someone for me to talk to. Just wondering if anyone here has ideas on the big "B".

I know that I am fighting for myself. I know that I am fighting for my life. Just falling through the cracks is hard being around 50 years of age, and no job. Worked for ex with no pay and nothing to show. Worked my butt off working for him for over 20 years, and many days 12 hours or more. This is what I get, the big "B" for being a good workers, wife and mother. Hard to take, and feeling the pressure.

Life sucks, and then you die. Feels like crap, when I have been an honest person, a good mother and a good wife, and then get kicked by my ex, deeply, bruised, and battered. And now this.

All the melodrama aside I will tell you declaring bankrupcy is not so bad. I had to do so when my ex left me with 30,000 dollars of debt and didn't take his share of it.

It's quick, relatively painless and no you do not automatically become a bad risk. In fact since creditors now know you cannot declare bankrupcy again any time soon you get offered credit lines within a few months.

It's not fun and most os us would rather avoid it but it's not the complete horrorshow some people make it out to be.

Faith -

I filed for bankruptcy because of my WH's A. He completely abandoned me and gave me no money. We were in debt way over our heads, which contributed to the problems in the marriage.

My WH is the spender in the family, but I did my share too. It got to the point where I ran up $2,000. on one credit card, because I knew he would run it up, if I didn't. So I am in part to blame.

But for years and years, I have spent my income tax return on paying bills, and WH would just run them up again. So when he left, and gave me no money, I filed.

He was really angry, because then he had to file too. But it really was not horrible. It cost us $900., but now we have no bills, no credit cards, our home, and even a Harley. And we get 5 or 6 letters everyday, offering credit, car loans, etc. But I throw them away, because I will NEVER get in that position again.

Ex wants me to claim bankruptcy. For he is ordered by the judge to pay the medical bills during the marriage and the injury ex did to me that I had to have surgery. He has not paid one of the bills yet. I have all the bills now. And he suggested this to me the day before yesterday. I feel he is suggesting this, because he doesn't want to pay the bills, and he of course doesn't give a crap about how I live. I have no credit cards outstanding. I cancelled them all, when ex was having his affair. And yes, the ex got really upset with me. That is one of the few things I did that the Harleys suggested. And paid them off. So ex wants me to claim bankruptcy, cause that way he won't have to pay the medical bills, and I will have the bankruptcy with me for the next 7 years. I finally, see, that ex is only concerned about himself. What is in it for him, and doesn't give one crap about me. That way he won't have to pay the medical bills ordered by the judge. My daughter graduated from the university today with a aerospace engineering degree. Ex took 8 of us in total out to dinner. He brought gifts for daughter, knowing that I can't afford it. And it hurt again. I do feed the kids here, I do provide them with a roof over their heads. I take care of the animals. But ex can come into the restaurant with gifts and that hurts.

Bankruptcy is on your record for 7 years. I did talk to my pastor today, and I will talk to someone else about this situation. Once I get the medical bills paid off, I have my lawyer to pay off. Which I was told, have to find legal advice, if I pay him X amount of $ per month, there is nothing he can do with me. Just have to talk to the lawyer I have and find out what I should do. Then the ex will be responsible to pay for the damage he did to me with my shoulder and the surgery and all.

I am not in a good mood. The weather is raining here and cold. And I am happy for my daughter, just sore and back is not in the best of form tonight. Take care.

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:51 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

laura_lee - I am not clear on what you are saying. Help me again, if you could. The ex suggested the bankruptcy to me. Yes, I have many medical bills that are to pay off. Judge ordered in the divorce decree that the ex is to pay the medical bills. All I want is my life clear and free. A good credit record. And to live my life.

Good night.

Instead of talking with a divorce attorney, talk with an attorney who can help those bills that your x is responsible for become HIS responsibility legally, meaning that the hospital can no longer harrass you for payment.

Read through Laura Lee's response to you on your other thread.

I can see why your x would encourage you to take out bankruptcy because if the medical bills are in your name only, and you take out bankruptcy, it would take away his legal responsibility to pay for them, and only you would suffer the bad credit from the bankruptcy - he wouldn't have to take out bankrupty.

So let's add up the balance sheet here.

You get to keep the emotional fall out.
You get to take care of the financial fall out.
You lose a majority of your income support because you worked for free.
You pay the price of a physical battle for the rest of your life.
What does he pay?
Nothing.

Unless you sue him civilly for non-payment of divorce decreed obligations, and while you're at it, pain and suffering!

Kaylandy - That is one ? that I was wondering. Where does ex feel he is responsible? He won't have to pay medical bills, and he is off scott free. The lawyer I have is not my divorce lawyer. I found someone else. Told her about my situation, and what the judge ordered ex to pay. When we were at court, the judge told my ex he was not being responsible with not having medical coverage. For he is self-employed, and had no medical coverage for his family. She did tell him that he was irresponsible. And she is the one that told him he is to get coverage for the family.

I know my ex has been using samantics around here and the rules have been distorted. I will talk to the kids living with me about what was ordered and why. And I am taking responsibility for my actions, now ex needs to take responsibility for his actions, and not distort the judges orders. Some words were said around here, and I know where these statements are coming from.

I do feel sorry for my ex, that he doesn't tell it like it is. I do feel he is sorry that he was not responsible for his family with medical insurance. Was one of the things that he felt the family didn't need 100% of the time. I agreed with him, cause he was the head of the household. But I look back, and now know that was one of the things that we should of had with a family of 4 children. I was afraid to go against my husband at the time, and I was afraid to voice my opinion. I realize that I should of spoke up and voiced my concern.

Bankruptcy - is not what I wished to do. Just when he suggested it, I thought about it. And then later realized the reason for his statement. Boy, life is really tough, when I am trying to crawl out of a hole. And the dirt seems to be thrown at me, and I do slide back. Just hard with the reasoning, that ex doesn't care what happens to me. All he stated here in his earlier threads on MB, that he would take care of me emotionally, financially, physically. I knew he didn't mean it at the time, but was wishing he did. Just like when he told me he didn't have sex with the other woman. I knew in my heart he did have sex, and I acted on his words that he said he didn't have sex. As a woman, as many women, we need to go with our gut instinct.

Will look at the other thread. Didn't know it was still active. All I want is my life to get together, wanting to move on with my life. I did have a wonderful time Friday night with the cell group at church. We met at a families house, had potlock, and I brought a pot of homemade bean soup and rolls. It was wonderful, we prayed before dinner, and the conversation was wonderful during dinner. We played games, was so much fun, and I learned some new words (mullock) old word from the 1800's. Then we played eukre. I had to relearn some of the tricks. But it was really fun. I ended up playing some hands that I should of passed, and the other team I helped. My partner was so nice and he said, you are learning, he said this is a game and that is what counted to have fun. No criticsm from him, just reassurance that I was a good woman and learning.

We in our cell group are planning something once a month. We are going to go camping, and so I told them I have a little tent, and I will go camping in a tent, while some of them have campers. This is going to be all the cell groups together. I will invite my kids to see if they would like to come. We will play games around the campfire, and sing songs, and praise the Lord. If the kids don't want to come, I will invite my nursing friend, for she loves camping and to play games.

Anyways, does anyone know what the word mullock means? I was able to use the word Saturday for I helped the church till noon, and Bill called the pastor on his cell phone and asked pastor to ask me about Mullock.