Today is my 5 year wedding anniversary. My wife wants a divorce. I had a brief affair 2 years ago. We've been through counseling. Learning a lot about what led up to it. Learned a lot about ourselves. I have not done anything since to give her doubt, though she says she does not trust me. We go through cycles of 2-3 good months, 2-3 not so good months. Now that she wants a divorce, she says that the good months were not good and she was doing and saying things to make me feel good and try to repair things but it hasn't changed the way she feels. She does not have respect for herself for staying. But I have more respect for her than ever for staying. We do not fight with each. Even in the bad times we get along well. We don't have a miserable marriage. But she says she's not happy. We have 2 young children.

It seems as though in marriages that survive affairs, couples have been married for 10+ years before the affair happens. Is there anyone who has been married less than 5 years, had an affair, and was able to rescue their marriage? If so, how did you do it? There's nothing I want more than to regain my wife's love.

I'm not proud to admit this but my h had an affair (two actually) in the first years of of our marriage and so did I. The marriage recovered from those problems.

We are now separated and probably headed for divorce and the a's have nothing to do with it. It is rather a basic personality problem and the inability to deal with conflict in a non-destructive manner.