I am really struggling under the weight of all my circunstances. We are in the middle of a divorce and the reason we are getting a divorce is my wife is unhappy with my children from a previous marriage, which I have full custody. The middle child is the one that she is so focused on a blames her for everthing. We have been married for 5 years and she never had children, when we married. She came in and start making all of the rules in the home and my kids started to resent her. My wife had notes all over the walls stating her rules. My wife would not try and form any relationship with my daughter, but she was the first one to be critical of her or what she did. From the time my daughter was 12 up until now at age 15, has continue to call her a b---h to me numerous time and yelled it loud enough for my daughter to hear it. My wife has done other questionable things to the other children which i could not believe she would do. My wife takes no responsiblity in anything, but she always was justified in it. We have gone to counselors who have told her that these things were never right, but she was going to parent these children her way. This has been going on for the last 4 years and my daughter is seeing a counsoler about this and the counselor told me that I was going to have to do something or I would loose my daughter. Believe me I tried everyway possible to work this out with my wife. She only see things one way and that is her way.
Here is another problem I have about 7 mos ago between by my wife leaving and coming back, I got involved wth a lady at work, she new that I was having problem at home. (I know now that I should have been talking to someone else but had no close friends)So over a period of time what began as a close friendship now had become intimate. Now I having all this guilt about this affair and have tried several times to cut it off, but it is so hard. I have never done anything like this before and would not wish this on anyone else, it is eating me up inside. I am in counseling now, but I still don't know what to do, please help... My family and I need your prayers and if anyone has ever been in this situation I would entertain any advice

Did your affair start before or after you filed?
Not that it matters. You are doing wrong as you well know. Cancel the relationship with the woman at work. Write a letter that says you're sorry but you can never speak to her again. If you can, get a new job. I knwo this is incredibly hard. This no contact. However, "being friends" will be harder. And think of what your children will learn if/when they hear of the affair.

As for your wife.... I'm not saying it's hopeless, but I think children come first. You haven't said abusive, but that's what it sounds like.

The children need you to protect them. In fact, you have a sacred duty to protect them even from your wife or their own flesh and blood. I think you know this.

Just curious is the children's bio mom around at all?

greengables is right...you have to protect your children. A strict parent (or step-parent) is one thing but this woman is clearly at least verbally abusive. As the bio parent it is your job to take your child out of that situation.

My h also has no children and he really doesn't understand what raising a teenager is like (my dd is 15 also but I have two grown sons and I've been thru the fire before). He wants to be very strict but doesn't know that that usually just makes things worse. He's also resentful of anything I give her, my time, money, whatever. he's very selfish and jealous in this. Makes me wonder sometimes why I want to be with him.

anywho...

As for the affair, I think at the very least you should stop until your d is final. If you would like to re-open a relationship after that, I think it would be okay. Right now you need to concentrate on helping your d thru this hard time. 15 sucks!

I agree with the previous two posts in that your daughter needs to be protected from your W. The way she has treated your D is inexcusable and should not be tolerated by you. It sounds like your W is quite self-centered and spoiled.

I'm glad you and your daughter are in counseling. Make sure she knows that dad loves her always, unconditionally.

Love and prayers,