A quick review: 2 years ago I left my abusive husband, got a no contact order, and filed for divorce. During the custody battle, we discovered he had spent time in prison for molesting young boys before I met him; so he is required to have supervised visits with the kids, which he declines; so he hasn't seen them in 2 years. However, he does write letters to them and me.

In June, the no contact order expires and I have no real reason to extend it. However, the restrictions as far as the children go do not change. I know I need to put boundaries in place to keep him from weaseling back into my life; but I"m not sure what or how and could use some advice. I already know he won't be allowed on my property, but there's the issue of phone calls, "chance meetings", etc. It just seems he knows how to "push all my buttons" and get my upset and I don't want to live with that insanity again.

Why is he writing to you? Is there anything in his letters that could be used to extend the no contact order? I seem to remember threats ... manipulation.

I worry about you. You say, "I already know he won't be allowed on my property" but without the order, what can you do about it?

oh, he writes about seeing the kids.....but won't do what he has to.

He's still trespassing if he comes on my property and I don't want him here, just like any other unwanted person at your door. If they don't leave, you call the police....

but I'm worried about me too......that's why I'm asking for advice.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He's still trespassing if he comes on my property and I don't want him here, just like any other unwanted person at your door. If they don't leave, you call the police....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If they don't leave, you call the police....no, no, no! The second you SEE them on your property, call the police.

I'm sure your local police know the situation, but if they dont' call them and inform them of it.
They can be very helpful, and let you know if someone is lurking, and if necessary - put your house onhouse watch.

Get a tiny camera installed on your porch, we have one. It shows everybody that comes to the front door on a little TV in the home wherever you want to place the TV.

That way, you do not answer the door for ANYONE who comes to the door who you do not recognize in the TV screen. You can also hear what they say on the audio. Teach the kids not to answer the door also.

Then whenever you go out, wear a disguise. (I am only half kidding here)

I hate the fear and pain that you may in fact run into him. I am so sorry. Can you move?

I'm getting married in Sept, and we are house hunting, so we'll be moving. And I"ll have a large strong man to protect me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

A co-worker of mine has a similar situation.
She has no idea where X is now, and the kids worry about when & if their "father" will approach them. However, given their large stepfather (a great dad to them) X has never been around (nor paid CS).
It's always a concern, but they (and you) can't live in fear.

Your X has a choice in seeing his children. If he wants to see them, he must comply with the courts decisions. He brought this upon himself.
Stay strong, and don't obsess.