Here goes...

X calls today to say that "I can have son for MOther's day" (it's in the agreement) and despite fact Mother's Day is also Jethro's Birthday (says in agreement we can have child on our birthdays as well) that he'd let me have my son on MOther's Day. But...there is a kicker. He in turn asks for Memorial Day with our son so that he can take son to OW/W's son's birthday party at his dad's house. Yea, my son is with me over Memorial Day weekend and my x asks to have the following monday and to alter any travel plans I might consider for his wistress' son's birthday party.

I say that I will think about it but that it's not often I am off work for a three day weekend and have the holiday fall like it does for Memorial Day. He didn't get it and thought I was "keeping my son from attending the party" and was freaking out. He began yelling and swearing at me and I hung up.

Later on at 11 pm, he called and left scorching vmails on my home and cell and declared me the "worst mother in the world" and went on to say that "the teachers at my son's school say how uninvolved I am" (damn lie) and how "I don't do anything for him at his school" (another lie) and how I deliberately do not acknowledge his new W and how I should embrace her and her family and that we should all get along and I should "get over my jealousy". He said all those warm and fuzzy wayward sentiments while yelling at the top of his voice and swearing at the same time. Meanwhile I heard the wistress in the background agging him on.

He called a second time to say that "she spends more time with our son than I do" (lie) and that "she is a parental model and should be treated as such". Yea, I said she's a model...practically a porn model but with stretch marks she may not get as much work this time. I also told him that "positive parental role model types don't shack up and move in and get pregnant by a married man and a father". He then went on (this maybe took two minutes total) to say that nobody would want me and how awful and horrible I am and that I should be "glad she wants to try to be a part of my son's life and that I should be such a good mother as she is".

I did something I have never done before. I told him to f off. Then I hung up. Actually I told them to f off. I am astonished but it is so predictable now. When he wants something, if it is to his benefit, the xWS, they will be nice. If we don't give them their foggy little way, they will throw an unbelievable fit to get it. He did all of this to get his way for a child's birthday party.

I have the conversations taped and the vmails recorded as they are clear examples of his abusive behavior and I am keeping them for future court references.

Oh, I also mentioned to him that our son told me that she again spanked him and that he should deal with her in his own household and if it is reported to me again the DSS will show up on their fancy little doorstep and we'll see how good a stepmum she is administering corporal punishment to some other person's child for she does not have my permission and I consider it an assault on my child.

Arrrrgh. When they want their way they will throw a huge temper tantrum. Gosh I feel sorry for the woman he married. She has to be around him all the time and has a new baby with him so she's stuck. I don't want to personally be around anybody like that anymore.

I cried a little because hey, mom's day is around the corner and here's this idiot who did everything bad he could do to his wife and family now completely attack me in the only way he can do now...as a mom.

It is a blessing and a godsend that I am and have been freed from being with such an abusive and cruel man.

Sorry for the vent but I can't believe anybody would wreak such havoc all because they want to have their child attend a birthday party. And honestly...how many people throw a birthday party on a holiday like Memorial Day when families and kids are outta town at the beach or something? Everybody I know will be outta town btw. Not smart if you want to plan for alot of kids to attend it, but hey what do I know...I am a "horrible mom" who wouldn't know...lmaorotf.

I am past indifference, I am at nausea with regards to my x.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong>Gosh I feel sorry for the woman he married. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why sorry ? she is bringing it on herself. You should be happy & lucky that you are not that woman no more.

-rh-

Wow... it's sounds like you and I are in nearly the same situation. Men like this should be put on an island somewhere together without any boats.

I do want to thank you for saying something...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I cried a little because hey, mom's day is around the corner and here's this idiot who did everything bad he could do to his wife and family now completely attack me in the only way he can do now...as a mom.

It is a blessing and a godsend that I am and have been freed from being with such an abusive and cruel man.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been trying to put into words where I am at with my x and this is it exactly. The only way he has left to try to hurt and control me is through my kids, and to try to knock me down as a mom. No more. I know I'm a good mom, as I'm sure you are too. We are both very blessed to be given another chance at a happy life without the abuse.

Would you be able to say to him, "If you yell or start swearing, I will hang up. You can call me back when you are ready to be civil." If you can, maybe you can stop the further verbal abuse, and maybe even take back some control!

God bless you. You are an inspiration to those of us who are just starting down this road of... divorce. Thank you for being here. And HAPPY early MOTHER'S DAY to you!

Peachy,
Stop engaging.
I've just taken to writing it down in a letter which I fax to him. My proposal for you is below.

J,
Per our agreement, I will spend Mother's Day with our son, and pick him up at xx am at (location).
I have also made plans for Memorial Day weekend, which is during my parenting time. Therefore, son will be unable to attend the party you wish him to attend. (Our agreement says that 30 days notice is needed for vacations - what does yours say about this? I'd consider this J taking time - not trading). As for trading Mother's Day for Memorial Day, the agreement states that Holidays supercede parenting time, meaning that son will spend Mother's Day with me.

In the future, if you wish to change dates or plan activities during my parenting time, please provide sufficient written notice. I will be happy to work with you on effectively coparenting our son, however I ask that you refrain from the verbally abusive language which you have used in your recent telephone messages.

Keep on taping! I was going to advise you to do that. Good job. Look at the bright side.

Just think, the more he yells, the more good fodder for court! It is like GOLD! Keep him yelling if you can more and more so he sounds positively CRAZY ANGRY on tape!

Remember, your goal on the phone is to KEEP HIM YELLING in an irrational and angry filled way.

The [censored] will then have made plenty-o-court records for you.

I agree with the other good advice regarding the kids also, but for now, remember, KEEP HIM YELLING!

Recording him... do you live in a state where recording is against the law unless you get his permission? (It is in my state, and it is aggravating... he's on his best behavior then!)

Just be careful with it. In some places the tapes aren't even admissable in court.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Written by Peachy:
Later on at 11 pm, he called and left scorching vmails on my home and cell and declared me the "worst mother in the world" and went on to say that "the teachers at my son's school say how uninvolved I am" (damn lie) and how "I don't do anything for him at his school" (another lie) and how I deliberately do not acknowledge his new W and how I should embrace her and her family and that we should all get along and I should "get over my jealousy". He said all those warm and fuzzy wayward sentiments while yelling at the top of his voice and swearing at the same time. Meanwhile I heard the wistress in the background agging him on.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In the instance above, Peachy did not tape XWH. He voluntarily left voicemails on her phones (both land and cell) which she, Peachy, legally owns.

It is not illegal to use answering machine messages or voicemails which have been intentionally left for the owners of those electronic devices in a legal situation such as court hearings. Operative word here is Owner.

I used both as evidence (answering machine and voicemails) in my anti-harassment order against OW and was within my legal right, and I won.

Jo

<small>[ May 04, 2004, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>