I am divorced, for 6 months or more, I'm not sure.
When does one stop loving your ex.
She left me after 17 years, I guess that is as long as she could put up with me.
I know what I did wrong in our relationship, it is my fault, I am taking responsibility.
I tried to work on it, she didn't, she worked on it with someone else that wasn't happy with their marriage, now they are together.
Problem is when do you stop hoping that somehow, by some miracle that your family will get back together.
Is it a problem with me wanting that.
Everyone one I know says "how could you want to be back together with after what she did".
I do not know? Well I do know, having to shuttle the kids back and forth. Not having the completeness of a family.
The complete sadness that takes over me when, my kids leave, the sadness even while having them, knowing their mom is not with us to enjoy things.
It is just a sad situation from my perspective.
Maybe she sees it different? She must.
She didn't have much taken away from her.
She didn't have to move out, she kept all the possessions, she has the kids when she gets home,
she has her new man, really all she gave up was me.
Maybe someday the when the kids are on vacation with me, or she doesn't see them for several days, she might feel different, but I doubt it.
You see, I am the only one hurting in this breakup, my kids are too,(although they do not show it).
It also bothers me that she does not show any
regrets about this whole situation.
All I see is a broken family, and I am reminded of this everyday.

....it just hurts.
Having soccer today, seeing everyone going their seperate way. It just seems so unnatural.
Even though I have my kids today, I am still
hurting. Will it ever go away?
I didn't even get a goodbye from her (goodbye when I relationship ended, that is).
And I am not even able to express these feelings to her, she won't let me.

I guess I can use the Medusa method.
Just don't look at her (or I'll be turned into a stone). Or I should say just don't look at her, because it hurts me.
Of course she is faced with seeing me all the time to, I said seeing, there is no interaction, her choice, not mine. So maybe she has some of these same feelings too?

umm hard to tell... My husband and I are separated now and he wants a divorce. I feel that I'll never stop loving him even after the divorce. Maybe this feeling will be changed but I don't think it will be any time soon.

Someone told me that there are three kinds of love, just love, big love and great love.

People will get over "just love" in two months and "big love" in two years. But "great love" will change your lives forever. so I guess in two years my feeling for my husband would be over....

WOW...our situations seem so similar...I honestly understand where you are coming from. The only difference is that my husband is the one who went to another married woman instead of telling me how he was feeling, and now they are together...not living together yet...but I know that when he is not with the kids he is probably with her...and people think that it helps me to know when he is with her in public...why do they do that??? I don't take full responsibility though and maybe you shouldn't either. It takes two to tango and three is definately a crowd. How can you be expected to fix things by yourself. Just realize that you have tried your best and that what comes around goes around so to speak...Anyway......

I struggle with my feelings on a daily basis...I honestly still love him. And seeing him does hurt. But lately I have seen him unhappy more and more...I hate to say it makes me feel better...but for so long I was the only one who seemed devistated by all this. We are getting closer to "D" day now and I think the reality of it all is catching up with him...I can only hope he has regrets.

I still love him...but I don't know that I can say that I would be able to take him back knowing what I know now. I'm not sure he knows what love is.

Well...now that I have rambled on and on...

((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))
to you!!!

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

rufustfirefly,

I know exaxtly what you mean. I am in the same situation as you but without the OM.

The only thng that is different is that we do interact socialy to an extent and I decided that She had no choice but for me to express my feelings toward her.

I'm no longer going to hide how I feel about her just so things are easier for her. If she can't handle how I feel, that is her problem and she will have to deal with it as well as me.

WIWH

Thanks all for the words of encouragement.
Started to respond last night, but let me give some advice. Don't try to cook cinnamon rolls
while on-line, they tend to burn.
Anyway I had my kids last night, so I spent the time with them.
Normally I would have had them till tonight, but being Mother's Day they went to their mom's at
8 am this morning, so it has been a lonely day.
Sad thing is I don't have anybody to wish
A Happy Mother's Day to.
A month ago my mom passed away, and my kid's mom
wants nothing to see or hear from me.

Laura Lee, thanks for your confidence in me, for understanding what I am going thru.
You know I hope what you said about my ex is true, but to be honest, she shows no signs of any love still there, no signs that there ever was any love there.

In church today they talked about family, how you have your family to count on, and about
how you can rely on them.
I have been able to rely on my family, my family of origin, of course they are 2000 miles away.
My hurt comes from the family that I was brought into 18 years ago, my now ex-inlaws, and the abandonment I feel.

Thanks again for words of encouragement to a discouraged soul.

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

No rolls in the oven right now, just late for a church event with a friend of mines kids.
It's funny how you brought up the song home on the range, I sang that song many of nights to my youngest daughter when she was a baby.
OK, I'll check out the anti-depressents........
Really the only thing it seems I have left of my family life is my memories, and I guess only time can steal those from me.

See Ya

talk to you later

<small>[ August 09, 2004, 08:46 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

5:45 pm
Kids mom/boyfriend just picked them up at the curb.
Just need to make thru till tomorrow morning, when they come back.
Kids come, we go to school, we come home, mom picks them up at curb (I stay in house).
This is a very tiring cycle.
Will it ever get better?
Will I ever have a family again?
If so what kind?

The sadness that escapes me is quickly replaced.
This is not the life I wanted, this is not the life I had.
It has been more than a year since we were together. Their affair was supposed to fall apart. This is not the way life is supposed to go.
So I keep going, I don't know how, I definetly don't know where, but I keep going.
I am more involved in church, when church is over, they all go home to their families. I just go.
When will it get better, they say it takes time, how much time?
(no I am not crying while I am typing this, in case you were curious).

I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong with my marriage, was it preventable, the divorce that is, what could I have done differently.
Why did she end up hating me so much?

I can hear her now, why? why? why? why?
That is something she said to me while we were still married, when I was asking why she wanted out, why she didn't want to work on it
She was mocking me at that time too, with her why,why,why,why response.
How can someone that was your wife, become such a enemy? How can they not care about you?
There are so many unanswered questions, I may never know.
I thinks she enjoys seeing me suffer.
I guess I should not let her see that, even when I suffer.
Maybe I should paint a clown face on me?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rufustfirefly:
<strong> 5:45 pm
Kids mom/boyfriend just picked them up at the curb.
Just need to make thru till tomorrow morning, when they come back.
Kids come, we go to school, we come home, mom picks them up at curb (I stay in house).
This is a very tiring cycle.
Will it ever get better?
Will I ever have a family again?
If so what kind?

The sadness that escapes me is quickly replaced.
This is not the life I wanted, this is not the life I had.
It has been more than a year since we were together. Their affair was supposed to fall apart. This is not the way life is supposed to go.
So I keep going, I don't know how, I definetly don't know where, but I keep going.
I am more involved in church, when church is over, they all go home to their families. I just go.
When will it get better, they say it takes time, how much time?
(no I am not crying while I am typing this, in case you were curious).

I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong with my marriage, was it preventable, the divorce that is, what could I have done differently.
Why did she end up hating me so much?

I can hear her now, why? why? why? why?
That is something she said to me while we were still married, when I was asking why she wanted out, why she didn't want to work on it
She was mocking me at that time too, with her why,why,why,why response.
How can someone that was your wife, become such a enemy? How can they not care about you?
There are so many unanswered questions, I may never know.
I thinks she enjoys seeing me suffer.
I guess I should not let her see that, even when I suffer.
Maybe I should paint a clown face on me? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rufustfirefly ~ Very sorry to hear of your pain.

What things are you reading right now?
Why are you reading it?
Where do you want to go with your life?

What music are you listening to right now?
Why are you listening to it?
Where do you want the music to take you in your life?

What words do you allow to "play" in your mind right now?
Why do you allow them?
Where will they take you in your future life?

Hang on! God never wastes our sufferings!!!
Don't let go!! He has a "future & a hope" for you.
Grip tighter!!! But only to Him....
Now Relax your grip....more....more....then let go of any sort of control of your WW! You aren't supposed to "hold on" to her anyway. Only to Him. God sees your future. Let Him guide you into it. He knows the address of your future happiness. Let Him take you to it.

Your brother in Christ,
High Flight

<small>[ May 11, 2004, 10:26 AM: Message edited by: High Flight ]</small>

Wow. High Flight, you're profound.

RufusT... I waited to respond to your thoughts. I'm glad I waited and High Flight shared.

I feel for you. I don't feel sorry for you, I just grieve with you.

Love in Christ,

Laura

Thank you

Thank you for your thoughts and understanding.

Right now, I just get by day to day.
It is hard to look into the future too far.
I know I can't keep going on the way I'm going though.
I am developing a church family, but it is not the same as a real family, or my own family.
I'm actually off right now to a divorce care
group.
So bye for now
Thanks Again

Hi RufusT,

Good for you!! I felt in my heart before... as I wrote the most previous post... that a divorce recovery support group would be so good for you and was going to ask. We must be on the same "wavelength". Cause you answered the question and I didn't even have to ask. You are doing the things you need to do.

God loves you.

Laura