Just got back from a visit to Albuquerque. My brothers and I went down for my mother's 82 birthday. She hasn't been in very good health...but I was amazed at how much she had failed since I saw her in February.

We had a good visit. I got to just be with her and care for her for a few days. It was wonderful. My plane broke coming back--so I got to even spend another night with her...It was sad to see her so helpless.

I got home on Wed and she passed away Thursday morning. I feel such a huge void. I am going to miss her terribly.

It has brought such a feeling of loss back to me. I have lost my husband and my mom....and it is just so sad. I miss them both. Pat

MNM
I'm so glad you were able to spend some time with your mom right before she passed away. I know she treasured that time together also.

My mom died 6 months before my H had his "mid-life crisis" and subsequent separation. I miss her more now than I expected I would. And you're right, you miss them both, in unique ways, and each loss seems to be compounded by the other.

Hugs and prayers your way!

(((((((( MnM ))))))))))

I am so sorry for your loss. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Karen

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
I am so sorry. What heartbreaking news. My dad passed away during our split and subsequent divorce. There are times though that I could swear he was standing right beside me.

Thank you all for your responses....

Avondale25...how have you been? Hope things are looking up in your life. I do know she loved having us there...and it truely is a blessing she died when my brothers were still able to be there. We had a great visit with her.

Karen...thank you...We all have been on here for such a long time...it is time for some positive things to happen in our lives.

Elan,
I also feel the presence of both my mom and my dad. I sure do miss having them here with me tho. I am flying back to Albuquerque on Tues and we hope to have the memorial on Thursday. She was a great, courageous lady. I am glad her suffering is over. Loss is hard isn't it? Thank you for your post.

Gosh Pat, I'm so sorry. I felt your post.

I think God was watching over this and planned that you'd be spending that time with your mom in her last days. Thank God for a mother's love, and thank God for all the memories you have.

I know you must feel such a loss, and I understand how it brings up the loss/divorce of your H too.

Some day I hope for you, as I do myself, that the loss of our H and those memories, both good and bad, will find their place and no longer haunt us.

Please know that you and your mom are in my prayers. Especially today, Mom's Day. Hug your kids Pat, they're lucky to have such a wonderful mom too.

With compassion and love,
Jo

<small>[ May 09, 2004, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Pat,

I am so sorry. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I have not had to face this yet; however with parents who will be 82 & 81 within the month, I know it is coming.

Glad you were able to visit with her before she passed.

Thoughts & prayers being sent your way......

I'm sorry to hear the news.

My mom is 79 and no longer as independent as she would like to be. I love her and do not want to lose her. I lost my dad years ago. His health deteriorated over about 6 months and I think he was possibly ready to go by the end.

I am glad you got to have some time with her. I am sure that you will find comfort in that.

Pat - I am so sorry for your loss - but I am sure being able to see her again was very helpful... Stay strong...

I'm sorry for your loss.
God knew that her children should be with her and you were. That was a blessing for you.
Remember her well.

Misery - sorry for your loss. You were able to spend time with your mother, and she appreciated your presence. She loved you and knew this was a special time for the two of you.

I too, was dealing with my fathers illness during my ex's affair. Then when my father died, my ex was there physically, but emotionally he was gone.

I too, feel that my dad has been there for me. I talk to him, and visit his grave regularly.

Your mother, was a mom that you will miss dearly. Your time with her was the last. God gave you this opportunity to be with her during her last few days. You saw the deteriation and deep inside realized her time was short. Now she is resting in peace and with the Lord.

I am so sorry, God loves you, and will help you during this hard time.

Pat,

I am very sorry for your loss. I am glad that you were given the last few days with your mother that you were. Before you lose the tidbits of that visit write them down so that you have them to cherish in years to come and can share them with your kids and grandkids when the time comes.

Dawn

Pat-

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my father and watched him deteriorate before our eyes. You are right, it is very hard to watch. May you find comfort in knowing that your mother is in a better place and her suffering is over. With time may your sadness end and may you find comfort in all the wonderful memories you have.

Take care and God bless!
K

Pat, I don't visit here very often, but saw your post and wanted to offer my condolences. I know what you're going through. My mom died 7.5 years ago, one week after my last visit with her, 1.5 years before I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and 4 years before my H left.

So often I wanted to talk to her about both those crises in my life and I sometimes do talk to her still in my head.

I was closer in some ways to my MIL and "lost" her over the past few years to Alzheimer's Disease. My dad will be 97 in one week. He lives 3000 miles from me, but I talk to him frequently by phone. I know my time left with him is brief. I hope to visit him soon, though the divorce process, not to mention work, is keeping me pretty occupied.

Take care. I'm so glad you got to spend time with her before she died.

I will join this thread too.
My mom passed away suddenly almost 2 months ago now. It is hard to believe.
Really the last almost year and a half has been hard to believe, I guess I'm just in disbelief.
(hope that made sense)
She too was 82.
During my most of my marriage of 17 years I lived 2000 miles from her. I talked her to almost everyday and of course she would visit or we would visit every few months.
She had only 4 grandchildren, 2 older ones and my 2 young ones. She was very close to them,
to them she was Granny.
People tell me it was a blessing how it happened.
I had gone back to see my parents on spring break. It wasn't even "my year" to have them for spring break, but 2 weeks before my ex called to see if I wanted to change years. Of course I agreed. Then had to make hasty plane reservations to get back to my parents.
We were with her 5 days before it happened.
Matter of fact the night before it happened all 4 grandchildren were together with her.
It was good for her to see them.
But then the next day she had a massive stroke and died a couple of days later.
She was unconsious the whole time, on life support.
It was good for her it happened so fast, but it was hard on the rest of us.
There were so many things I should have said, that I wanted to say, that I had always planned on saying.
And you know, the only person I knew who could comfort me at a time like this was....my former wife.
I called her to let her know, she offered her condolances, but it seemed empty to me.

I have had such a hard time dealing with the falling apart of my marriage, my divorce....now
this. It doesn't seem quite real.
My mom used to call me everyday because she was worried about me, she knew how depressed I was, a lot of times I didn't feel like talking to her
and just sort of brushed her off. Which I regret doing.
She knew how much I worried about my kids, about how down I would get not seeing them.
She told me that is the reason she was always calling me, because I was still her child and she worried about me too.
So it is a double whammy for all of us going thru divorce or seperation then to lose a parent, a person who truely does love you unconditionally.

Oh my....thank you all so much...I arrived home tonight from Albuquerque and just feel so unsettled and your posts have really helped raise my spirits. I truely appreciate all your support and comforting words. I know we have all gone thru hell and back. I feel like I have lost my one true supporter.

I was doing pretty well until everyone started to leave after the funeral on Thursday. Now, I have to admit, I am really down in the dumps. I feel like I have just lost too much lately...and I just want to lay down and cry.

I had to stop by my ex's apt on the way home from the airport to pick up my son. The closer I got to the apt...the more uncomfortable I felt. He walked out with my son...and I couldn't even talk to him. I resent the fact that he wasn't with me at this time. I just feel so empty inside.

When I got home, I opened mail from the last week, he sent a condolence card that was so artificial....and then he had the nerve to have her write in it. Ohhhhh....sorry it just seems so disgusting to me. She said she could empathise with how I feel....and she really doesn't have a clue.

Well, I am sorry I am so down in the dumps. I have to pull myself back together...have to get back into the end of the year rush at school tomorrow. And I still have to get this house ready for my daughter's graduation party and graduation this weekend--I will need a lot of prayers that I can get myself together for this. I would really like to just crawl into a hole for a few days and get myself together. Better get going to bed. They lost my luggage tonight...fun, fun, fun. Take care everyone. Pat

Pat - OK well today is a new day - and you are going to face it with a smile.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> OK???? You know what - would you really have expected anything more from your ex having her sign the card... Frankly they are not even worth the thoughts that we continue to have about them from time to time.... Our ex's suck - that pretty much sums it up.... But we deserve better...And someday we are going to look back and think why did I let them bother me so much.... I for one hoping that - the day comes sooner than later.... Wow you have a busy week - a graduation and a party.... ??? That will keep you busy and probably pull you right out of the dumpy mood.... I hope you are feeling better today...