NEVER EVER go to a friend, no matter how close, and disclose details of your personal life and think it would be just between you two.

I learned my lesson on that. I knew at the time it was wrong. Even stated to friend "I am venting" "You are only hearing bad.. There was good in my M and in my H...Please keep this to yourself.. I need someone to talk to otherwise I would not be stating this."

Now my H (in process of becoming XH) reputation is smeared because of me. It was already tainted in one area. But the part that gets me upset is that now it is because of my own actions.

Counseling is not only good for helping you work through problems, situations, etc. but it is also good for keeping private details PRIVATE.

The old saying "Loose lips sink ships" comes to mind.

I am sorry for you...I have the same problem. I am a talker and don't mind sharing most everything. It can lead to trouble...and I really need to quit. I'm gonna try.

Thanks for the advice.

One thing I learned a long time ago (and this comes to even typing on forums) -- remember that whatever you say or type (my posts were used in court on another forum) -- is PUBLIC. Even if said to the most nearest and dearest friend, remember that one day whatever you *could* say *could* come out in a forum.

The ONLY one I trust with my innermost thoughts and feelings is GOD. It's safest there and also the most sacred.

If anyone here feels the need to vent and purge what's inside them -- just someone to vent to -- put your thoughts (the good, the bad and the ugly -- the ugliest) on paper. Write it out -- then BURN IT. It helps you vent, and it releases all that anger that you feel. It's the best thing that I ever did!

I'm sorry that it's come back to haunt you. Remember that there is forgiveness. Reputations are built on actions. If people believed *she said* and *he said*, then they are not people you want to deal with. Worthy people don't listen to *words* and don't place judgement on something that someone says. If your ex has a bad reputation, I can bet you it's not just from what you said. Actions speak louder than words. I would bet he's burned some other bridges on his own.

Forgive yourself and move on. I learned long ago not to trust anyone with those innermost things. Having a good supportive buddy is great, but remember, whatever you say *could* come back. Trust in YOURSELF. Work these issues out YOURSELF. You will do just fine!