<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:38 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

First I just want to clear something up. STBXW's EA was over 8 years ago and I can't blame her due to the way I was at that time. However, she retained a sort of crush since then. It was a good friend of mine that I broke contact with to keep her away from him.

GnomeDePlume,

You're right. I have been enabling her and it all started by trying to reconcile. No LB'ing, Meet EN's and most of all it was because I didn't want to disrupt the lives of my 4 DD's. If I knew I would be where I am today, I would have stuck with my initial instict of "You want out then you leave"

If I force my way back home now it will cause nothing but more confusion for my kids.

Well daddy's back home but now we have to leave!

And if STBX doesn't leave, there will be to much tension between us because of her wanting to leave.

We are very civil with eachother and do a lot of things together with the kids right now. I don't want them to see that change.

Laura Laura Laura,

Of course my grandmother is right. I dare you to tell her that she's not.

You are right as well. But I did not give her my paycheck. I just haven't taken it away yet. My check is direct deposited into our joint checking account that is used to pay all of our(her)bills. I never made any changes to that because we never agreed on anything(POJA).

Well my MB efforts are done. Not that I don't still believe in the concepts, but to MB there has to be an M to B.

I told W, lets make that STBXW, tonight that I need to move from where I am ASAP. By this weekend if possible. She didn't have much to say. I told her that unless she came up with a better Idea, I would be looking for an appartment this weekend. She actually asked me if I had the money for it. So I told her that I would but she wouldn't. Any additional money that I need to live my life will be coming from what she has been living on.

I'm sticking to this, even if I have to take GG's 7 year plan. By june 1 I will have my own appartment. Of course I will do all I can to find the cheapest place I can and do my best to keep my childrens lives from being disrupted, but If she can't make the bills, she should have listened to me 6 months ago when I said we need to sell our house.


So am I being an A$$, Am I being unreasonable, or have I just had enough??

WIWH

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:39 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Thanks Laura!

That last copied post realy hit the nail on the head.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Now, Plan B IS all about you, the betrayed partner. It's about getting you out of and away from a situation that is horribly painful and, let's face it, degrading. Plan B is taking the stance that enough is enough and that although you want the marriage to succeed you will no longer be part of a triangle. And that you care enough about the marriage to know that you need to protect the love you still have for your partner.

Now, nowhere in any of that is the idea that the faithful partner needs to make life easy and comfy for the straying spouse!! No need to bend over backwards to be a doormat. Certainly no need to be afraid to trigger guilt!! Good god!! They should feel guilty!!!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">After 8 months of building up what I though was an ok plan A, I do need to start looking out for me. The triangle that I need to get out of is me, her and her fantasy world.

WIWH

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:40 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Laura,

One problem that I have is that I don't know if I want to be back with her or just the kids. I don't want to go back to being with a cold loveless W who has no affection for me. Seems she was never happy with me and doesn't think she ever can be.

However, I will do exactly what you said one more time just to see what kind of response I get from her.

This is all stuff that she already knows but doesn't seem to care about. She is stuck living in the past. She makes it sound like every little thing that I did to upset her over 17 years all happened yesterday.

Why don't foggy people ever remember the good things?

WIWH

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Well Laura, last night she got hit with the appartment thing and tonight I'm hitting her with the "I love you soooooooo Much " "I don't want to live away from you" treatment.

Even if she laughs in my face, I am giving it to her straight and making sure that she knows my feelings and long term intentions.

If she doesn't like it, I tried my hardest.

WIWH

Laura,

I didn't tell W that you said to get over it but I did tell her how much I love her and how much she means to me.

In short, I told her that she is the most important thing in the world to me and I love her more than anything. I don't want an appartment because I want to be with her so I can show her everyday how much she means to me etc.....

Put it this way, If anyone ever said to me what I said to her, I'd marry them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

She didn't have too much to say but I know I stirred the feelings a little.Now I just need to make them boil!

She did ask why I didn't say things like that to her when we were together and I simply said that I guess I've learned a lot since we've been apart.

I don't know her true feelngs about the conversation but I do know that she listened to every word I said.

She also asked me to come back tomorrow night to stay with the girls while she goes to an appointment. So I guess I didn't scare her off or she would have just had her mom watch the girls.

WIWH

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:42 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:43 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:43 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Laura,

You seem to be a little excited!

I've tried pushing this button in the past but it seemed more like an eject button.

I guess she wasn't ready and still may not be. I am afraid that I may start pooring it on too heavy but I need to take advatage of any opurtunity that is presented to me.

Of course I still have the fear of opening my self up to get smashed again but that is a chance worth taking. If I am going to need to recover anyway I may as well go all the way.

Perhaps I finally was able to get out of the negative in her LB and can make some deposits without the late fees and penalties <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Tonight may be my last chance to see her for a few days so I will make sure she has something to think about. I'll throw in something material with something nice to say along with it. Maybe just a card or a flower.

I wrote her a poem and gave it to her over a week ago and now I wish I had waited. I think it would have meant a little bit more now than it did then.

I hope you are right about her coming out of withdraw. I've been waiting for that to happen for 8 months.

Well there is only one way to find out and I really don't have anything left to loose.

At the very least you have done a lot to help me get my true feelings out in the open with her. The ones that Scare me because they open the door for just as much pain as they do love.

Thanks for the secrets <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:44 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:45 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:46 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:46 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>