Okay, you know who you are. You are the people who rope me in with your story. I post numerous times to you. And then, you disappear for days or even weeks.

And just as I'm about to stop worrying, couldn't care less, Poof! you appear again.

I fully acknowledge that you all have lives. Full lives. And I acknowledge that you are not here for my entertainment or to fulfill some latent maternal urge.

But, please, when you get a chance, tell me how you are. Otherwise, I'll worry and wilt and wither on the vine.

LOL. Mostly I'm joking.

But I'd love to hear from people.

And in the words of the immoral Pepys, And so to bed.

PS: this does not mean Newly or Wish or a few others with whom I regularly communicate. You guys are off the hook.

Ok, I know you are talking about me. i was about to post an update today since I am feeling good, all my ducks in a row so to speak.

Aside from normal annoyances of having two teens in a house that are close in age, things are going pretty good.

We are two weeks away from our trial.

The New law Guardian has made an appointment.

The kids are eager to get this over. The constant when you come to live with me crap that mom tells them every time she see them, and emails me or the. It is just constant. My daughter told me what her mother said to her the day she left. That she knew it is what my daughter wanted, and It is her fault that this has come to be. Can you believe a mom would put that on a kid? I couldnt and asked her why she didnt tell me that before now.( It has been 4 months next week) She said she just knew it was the way her mother was.

I had a simple two line statement I gave my adult daughter and she was apprehensive but I think she understood what I was saying. She even sent food down for me from her BBQ day. I felt it was positive. I dont want my relationship with her to be over because of the lies her mother has been spreading.

I am a different kind of man than most. I take my home life very seriously. I loved my wife the best i could. I tried to make everything a happy experience. I am sensitive (sometimes too much) and faithful to the end. My wife was the only woman I have ever been with, no affairs, no emotional affairs and after twenty years with one woman, she thinks that I have had multiple affairs through the years. It really hurt me to read that email, knowing then that my wife has never really known me. She only let me be the person she wanted me to be. She didnt know how faithful I was. I have not been with anyone since her departure. I wont for a long time. I am just not that kind of guy. I only want one. She is out there somewhere. If I never meet her, so be it. I have my kids, my life and now my own dreams.

HH, I’m checking your name off my list. HeHeHe.

I’m glad you’ve come to a safe place. You must know you are doing what is right given your daughter’s story, and her response, “I knew it’s just how she is.”

I know I’m going just on my own experience – that’s how I reacted to my father for years. “It’s just how he is.” Even as an adult, I let him walk all over my boundaries using that as an excuse. I only wish my mother had divorced him earlier.

Good luck with the trial.
Here's to the father's of this world.

Hiya GG,
Yeah I am one of those you described earlier.sorry... I am doing so so I guess, just trying to live day to day. Not much to tell on the Home front.. We are still together in the same house , but I am finding myself losing whats left of my feelings for her ever so slowly. An agonizing slow death as it were. What does it mean when you start to get to the point where you lose your libido towards your spouse? I have always had a high drive, but findthat lately I could care less.. It is really sad in one way, but ok in another. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I have managed to start to handle the finances, it is taking longer than expected to get a game-plan situated. The Mrs. Daughter is staying with us while she is waiting for next semester in collage to start. The girl is going to be 19 in a few months and is still painfully un-aware of what the real costs to live are. She is already trying to get her mother to pay her for work around the house at an outrageous dollar/hour figure. I will have none of that! She was supposed to get a job before her internship, but "this is not good enough or that is not where I want to work" etc.. When she is at the house my stress level is elevated ten fold, will be glad when she goes abck to college. Enough one her...anyways <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I suppose that I am just reluctant to be aware that I will try to make things work for another 5 years, then see what I'll do next.. One thing is for sure...If I finally lose the rest of my feelings for the Mrs., I WILL NOT seek comfort in the arms of another under any circumstances. I would go celibate first! I have learned at least that much from this web-site.

I am going on a mini vacation alone at the end of this month. Looking forward to it so much. 5 days of it is all about me.. Long overdue <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So not much of an update, sort of tredging along, thank goodness for gardening, and wellbutrin!

HO

Thanks, HO.
Sorry things aren’t better. Have a great vacation!
Oh, and if you do lose all feelings for your wife, you can find solace in the arms of another AFTER you get a divorce.

My lilacs are beautiful this year. I'm rooting lilac suckers in order to spread more beauty next year.

Hello, dear GG!

Update?
I learn to live with my son, and for sure am getting better.
Bought all new furniture, very nice (and too expensive for my pocket :-)), also all kitchen accessories (I took from Xhome just my personal belongings&#8230; couldn&#8217;t stand "reminders"&#8230;)

It still hurts (but MUCH LESS) when I think of us, him and ow, or my son growing 'without' father&#8230;
Also, I&#8217;m ready for my own life&#8230; in a while&#8230; when I get rid of 'the package of my past'&#8230;

X is better for me than ever has been when we lived together&#8230; he&#8217;s better dad too &#8211; spends more time and money on our son than he ever had (because he wasn't spending any <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )... he also takes me out for supper (stopped doing that 2 years prior to D), buys little gifts from time to time (when lived together it was just for Xmas&#8230;)
I guess he&#8217;s aware what he lost&#8230; He wants us back together... (and these suppers and gifts would disappear if I go back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )... looks so alone and depressed I feel sorry for him, (and glad ow doesn&#8217;t make him happy, doesn't look at all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) feel sorry for all of us actually, but it won&#8217;t prevent me from moving forward&#8230;
Sometimes I nag (old habit is difficult to change <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and ask him about &#8216;her&#8217;&#8230; he still denies everything, lies they are still &#8220;seeing&#8221; each other&#8230; but you know what &#8211; I don&#8217;t believe him telling me he loves me nor I believe he loves her too either&#8230;
just think he lost and he&#8217;s lost&#8230;


The most common question is &#8216;do you feel regrets&#8217;&#8230;?
I do &#8211; that I didn&#8217;t do that after one month seeing his (wrong)doings&#8230; every day of a life is worth, i.e. none is not worth of wasting it on hurts, unhappiness, misery&#8230;

I have some invitations to go out, from quite nice guys&#8230; <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> but I have no wish!
(I guess they should be much more to awake me as a woman&#8230; <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
And it&#8217;s OK, I need this time, to reorganize life, for my son and me&#8230; I&#8217;m just fine&#8230;

Every morning when I open my eyes and see my son smiling at me&#8230; I forgive my X for everything and thank God for giving me this most precious gift&#8230; and again think how X&#8217;s an idiot (oops) &#8211; what's more worthy than your child&#8217;s smile and family (happiness)!??&#8230;

Yes, life is beautiful!
Yes, it brings pain and sadness&#8230; yet it can brings sunshines too &#8211; that&#8217;s up to us what we are going to choose&#8230; And, so far, the sun is so warm and breeze is cuddling and my son and I walk (and will always go for!!!) just on the sunny sides of life&#8217;s streets&#8230; <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> PS: this does not mean Newly or Wish or a few others with whom I regularly communicate. You guys are off the hook. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'll give you an update anyway <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Decided not to get up for work today! slept in, strolled into work about 11 and really couldn't care less about anything today.

I think I may leave early and go fishing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We need to post an update on the 5/22 gettogether. Any ideas on locations yet?
I'll try to call or email soon.

Okay, I am definately guilty of this. Unfortunately I posted an update of my own early this morning before I saw this so if anybody needs to see it you'll have to check there.

I do need to get better at staying consistent with this, but life just gets busy and goes on. I commend you guys who are faithfully here handing out your words of advice and encouragement to all in need. Your words have gotten me through many difficult times and I'm sure they will continue to do so. Thank you so much!

Take care and God bless!
K

I was half kidding, K. Life has a way of interfering. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I did read your update, too.

Kidding or not Greengables you are very right. I have really roped in by some of the posts here only to have the people disappear and I too feel like what's going on? Are they okay? Etc.

Unfortunately life does have its way of interferring.

Take care and God bless!
K

GG, I haven't been around for a while either. I am still not divorced, but I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. In some ways I'm grateful that it's taken so long because I'm pretty much over the emotional withdrawal from the loss of my marriage, the betrayal, the abuse, and suddenly having to learn how to run our business by myself. Now I've had to accept the reality that to settle with my STBXH, I have to sell our home, which I've been living in alone for the past three years.

I've learned a lot about myself in the past 3.5 years since my H left and I feel like I'm more "myself" than I've ever been before. I'm no longer just trying to please everyone else -- H, kids, family, employees, etc. I'm more assertive, more self-confident, more independent, more fulfilled, and happier, too.

GG - I am getting along better than 2 months ago. Still have a way to go. I have had to set hard boundaries with the ex. He no longer can consider this home his. Still tried yesterday to say, give him the house. NO WAY. He got the house he bought in Arizona with the other woman, he can have that house and her. I don't want to put a foot in that house, for they committed their adultery there too.

Ex still hasn't paid the medical bills. Which if he doesn't that is his problem. I will have things handled legally. I am sinking low with finances, but you know what, I will make it.

I am active in my church, having a dinner tonight at church. I am making homemade banana bread to take.

Still on medical, and will see the Dr. again next month for update of my shoulder. Just trying to heal from the pain and physical abuse and emotional abuse. I feel great that I don't answer the business phone any more. No more of him criticizing me, yes!.

I am growing inside, have had to set boundaries which the family is not used to. I am a good woman, was a good wife, and am a special person that God created. I don't worry about what ex does anymore. I know he is still foggy, and a wayward spouse living in sin.

I do have my kids here, some are starting to move away. And this fall will be totally different. My youngest daughter will be moving out of state in intership employment. My youngest son will be going away for college. I am so proud of all my kids. My oldest just came back home from 2 weeks out of state. And she is going to do well in her life. I see some changes in her. And I know she will do great. She is lonely for a family. I feel she is lonely for a relation with me. I know by her posts. And I know that she is making new friends, and getting her life together. I see some changes in her that are very positive. She is such an intelligent woman with such great attributes. All my kids are intelligent and wonderful young adults.

Now I am working on my weight and getting myself ready for a summer of firming up and losing weight. I have a possibility of getting a bike from someone from church. Then my bird and I will cycle throughout town, and possibly just to the park and etc. It will be great for her and myself.

GG - thanks for asking all of us to update our lives. You are special.

Thanks, Faith. I'm glad to hear things are looking up for you. Boundaries are hard work, and don't I know it!