Okay, funny thing of the day.

I told my estranged husband he needed to get his inventory out of the house by June 1. (Yes, Baba and all you others, I know I’ve been too soft for too long.) At any rate, B said we have to sit down and decide what we’re doing. So I asked him what he wanted. He said that given what I want and how I am he thinks it’s time for us to split up.

Of course, we haven’t lived together in a year. And I did file for divorce in Sept. And I have been very clear that I wouldn’t even talk about reconciliation until the books were out of the basement. So the whole thing was a tad bit bizarre.

B. did say he thought I wanted a divorce and just wanted him to make the decision, and he was right in a way. I really wanted it to be a mutual decision. He still sees me as the evil one who is breaking up the home.

And I am the one who is breaking up the home but I am not evil. Nor is he.

We’re just too different. I’m conventional. He’s bohemian. We have different values. I value hard work, things, beauty, honesty, and courage. He values freedom, and leisure.

Sounds like he just doesnt want to accept any responsibility for the demise of the marriage. Wonder what that's like.......Typical.

Maybe he's been listening but not hearing.

I think that he just wants to be able to tell himself that it was his decision.

GG...just curious? You think there's still hope for a reconciliation?

Did the two of you attempt counseling? If so, what happened?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> GG...just curious? You think there's still hope for a reconciliation?

Did the two of you attempt counseling? If so, what happened? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OUCH!

BOB,
We don't want GG to go off on you here so lets just say that she has done all she could.

Her story has long past the boards so you would have a hard time finding any detail

Sorry GG for stepping in but You don't need to go through it again. But If I'm out of line let me know.

WIWH

You know, Anne, he's like in "another world" isn't he. You may as well be speaking to a foreiner or an alien from a different planet than ours.

Something about the communication between you two is muffled, confusing, non-understandable, foggy, baffeling.

I don't dislike him as much as I dislike a few other hurting people's spouses on MB. It just seems like you two cannot communicate for some reason. Or that he has selective hearing. Does he literally have a hearing problem that you know of?

I think "you don't have to hate the spouse" in order for you to FINALLY get a divorce. It can be for other reasons than hate. Just treat him as a friend, an acquaintence who you cannot communicate well enough to sustain a good marriage.

Why hate him....(I know you don't hate him but I started to dislike some of the things he was doing)

Just say goodby in a nice (and legal) way. You will be seeing him anyway because of the kids. Keep it light. Whatever he says, don't get drawn in by guilt. I think the "removing the books" thing is symbolic but I have not figured out what it means yet. For sure that removal will be a milestone on the journey toward a new life for you. Good luck!

Wish, thanks for being the knight in shining armor, but I wouldn’t have gone off on Bob. He’s new and curious. And he has a legit question. Bob, 3 different marriage counselors including Steve Harley. Some people have hope of a reconciliation. Honestly, I’m not one. I ended the last MC in August when I discovered that I was just going through the motions and that NOTHING had changed.

Somewhere there is a long story that I posted to Wish about 3 or 4 months ago. You could search for “My story”. Or if you can search the text, search for “books in the basement” that should turn up almost all my threads! LOL.

And Baba you are right. I have a problem in communicating my point to B. I think I understand B pretty well. However, when I disagree, it’s because I don’t understand. When I call him on his disrespectful, hurtful outbursts, it was because I hadn’t understood him.

B. wants unconditional love. We could go all Freudian and probably not be too far off. He acts as if he wants me to understand and empathize with every emotion he feels, and then accept any behavior he chooses to engage in based on those emotions. In other words, emotions are the excuses, and if only I would understand how he is feeling, I’d excuse the actions.

Hmm. I bet a whole lot of betrayed spouses would have a problem with that one!

This is the link to my story, Just Plain Bob: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=34;t=010550#000000