Last night my mom and I were on the way back from seeing my doctors and had an interesting conversation about the whole dating thing.

During that conversation I shared my entire dating life with her, which isn't necessarly long. But it made me think about my 1st love Dawn.

Dawn and I dated for about a year in high school and then he folks moved and we couldn't deal with a long distance relationship. Anyway I just started thinking about all the times and memories I had with her. These weren't just memories though I could almost smell her again, feel her skin again, and dang near taste that old bubble gum.

That got me thinking about the relationships I had after that, including the 12 years of marriage. I realize that I never had those strong feeling for anyone else, not even my wife. Even thinking back to similar experiences, like a friendly game of basketball, the memories and what I've chose to remember are totally different. With my X I remember the flirtation during the game and the competativeness. With Dawn I remember the feeling of her wet skin, the smell of doughnuts (she worked at a bakery), the moistness of her sweat covered lips as we kissed after the game, and the innocense of it all.

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not in-love with Dawn or anything like that. And I don't believe I've carried feelings around for her.

My overall questions is do you get those feelings again? Are they that strong again? Is this something that only comes from your 1st love?

Lost husband,
Thanks for pointing out what sooooo many of us are missing. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I hope they do come back for all of us! In fact, I hope that they are even stronger the second time around.

WIWHb

I guess one of the things I’m really questioning in my mind is “What is Love”. I really feel that I was “in love” with Dawn. With my X, I feel that our relationship was born of lust, we dated less than 3 months before she got pregnant and we got married. Then I’m questioning the degree of love that was truly for my wife while were married versus the degree of love that was for the idea of being a husband/family man.

So I question whether the feelings that I had with Dawn were “true love”, the kind that you can get again, or were they something that is only a product of your 1st love. If they were “true love” feeling then I’m saddened because I haven’t had those feelings for 15+ years. If they are a 1st love feeling then I’m saddened because I’ll never feel them again.

Good ? Lost Husband - I wonder too. For my X I had those feelings. When we would go on a date, I would smell his cologne on my clothes, and I would wear them to bed. For I fell asleep smelling his smell. I did enjoy my ex's kisses, and his touch. I looked forward to seeing him the next time we dated.

I wonder if I will ever have those feelings again. Those euhporic feelings. Does maturity take that away? Does time with hurt and pain make one too protective? For I talked to someone yesterday, and their response was protect yourself. I was told that I am an attractive woman, and many men are out there for one thing only (SEX). If only we could bob their organ with lust? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (The Bob-it case). I asked this person if over the years if they have fallen into those euphoric feelings. They said NO! That there was finances, kids to take care of, job, and keeping the house running. This person would date, only as a friendship. Everyone paying for their own dinner.

I do believe many of us older folks are more into protection of ourselves. For STD, AIDS, etc. are so rampant. Many women and men have no consideration about any of this.

But I do fear that STD and AIDS has put on the older generation many obstacles. STill the young folks consider themselves not one that could get the disease. They think that the partner they chose is safe, and they really don't know where the partner has been. For honesty doesn't seem to be a factor for many people. And for many older people too. Yeah, they could say, they had sex with the other person but wore a condomn. Who knows, who believes, who wants to believe. I really don't believe a man with anything they say. My ex first said he didn't have sex with the other woman, then we had sex. No protection used. And then he tells me later that he had sex with the other woman. Was really wrong for him to not tell me up front. For I still get checked yearly by my GYN.

I would like to hear others responses!

A related 2uestion might then be: Can you have a 3rd 2nd love? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Sorry, ol' 2long is losin' it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

A friend of mine had this conversation a long time ago. I dont think we can experience those feelings again...not like we did in highschool. I think it has to do with maturity first and foremost. I'm just glad that God gave us pheromones in general...to bad they wear off so quickly...but thats when the real relationship begins. JMHO

I say you can have feelings similar but not exact. Lets face it we are all older and wiser when we meet our second 1st love but I know that I have feelings similar to what I had with XH with the guy that I recently met.

The butterflies in the stomach when we kiss, thinking about him when my mind isn't busy with other things and looking forward to talking with him on the phone or via e-mail.

This is a long distance relationship so that makes it even a little more difficult but my D said the other day that she hasn't seen me this happy or giddy in a long long time.

HMMMMMM. my name is Dawn and I used to work in a bakery

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">HMMMMMM. my name is Dawn and I used to work in a bakery </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wow ! Wouldn't that be something else!

Dawn, do you get all sweaty playing basketball? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LostHusband:
<strong>My overall questions is do you get those feelings again? Are they that strong again? Is this something that only comes from your 1st love?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I suppose there's something about any "first" that makes it special. But if I didn't believe that I could get those feelings again, or that they could be that strong again, then I don't think I could ever get married again.

My ex-wife was my first love. I never dated anyone else. I never wanted to date anyone else, although there were plenty of other girls I had crushes on. Up to and beyond the divorce, I did not believe I could ever love anyone else that deeply and passionately. And no doubt I would still be of that mindset if I hadn't actually "fallen in love" again.

Admittedly, my "second first love" does not reciprocate my feelings, so it is perhaps a bit of a stretch to claim that I speak from any kind of valid experience. But I believe I do know the difference between infatuation and love (indeed, I had to wait out the addictive phase of my infatuation before I could believe that my feelings were the sort that could last - and here I should add that I do believe that such feelings can last, because I never stopped feeling that way toward my first love, even with all the neglect and frustration and lies).

Here are the conclusions I've reached:

(1) Some of the "sense of wonder" associated with first love can never be recaptured. But...

(2) A much greater appreciation of a loving partner is possible when one has already loved and lost. I know now what I am missing.

(3) One should never settle for less. Especially now that I have discovered that "true love" is not necessarily a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I am convinced that anything less is unacceptable.

(4) It is very, very frustrating to be "in love" with someone who wants to remain "just friends." But loving someone is always worth it, no matter what happens - providing, of course, that you love truly (by which I mean you do not lose yourself in the process) and not in the addictive sense.

Im sure I would be sweaty if I played basketball, but I was a basketbal drop out..I prefered gymnastics (but ya sweat alot with that too LOL)

I used to work at Dunkin Donuts here in the east, but there is another Dawn on the forum who lives out near you, maybe she plays basketball

Daybreak...are you out there?

Smiles,
Dawn

(((Sunrise)))

Isn’t that something? Only problem is what where you doing as a 32yo sophomore in High School? And this Dawn worked at Daylight Doughnuts. Thanks for the laugh.


(((Gnome)))

I was hoping to see your input on this one. It really has me perplexed. I’ve spoken with several people about it and even found out about my mom’s 1st love. Can you say too much information.

“”””(1) Some of the "sense of wonder" associated with first love can never be recaptured. But...””””

I agree. BUT I’m thinking that the reason we don’t, or should I say may not get those feelings again, is because we don’t allow ourselves too. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because love becomes a routine or our hearts harden when broken. I had an aunt that was married 5 times and I swear to goodness that each time was like the first time for her. I would say that my aunt’s case was not a healthy one but I think it shows that it can happen if we open up ourselves to accept it.

”””(2) A much greater appreciation of a loving partner is possible when one has already loved and lost. I know now what I am missing.”””

How true that is.

”””(3) One should never settle for less. Especially now that I have discovered that "true love" is not necessarily a once-in-a-lifetime experience, I am convinced that anything less is unacceptable.”””

I do truly believe that and that’s one of the reasons I’ve waited so long, I think. I’ve said for years I’m ready to date but I don’t think until recently I’ve been ready to love. Therefore, I’ve abstained. I hope that working through some of this will propel me to the next step.

”””(4) It is very, very frustrating to be "in love" with someone who wants to remain "just friends." But loving someone is always worth it, no matter what happens - providing, of course, that you love truly (by which I mean you do not lose yourself in the process) and not in the addictive sense.”””

You know I can relate to that a little.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ruby:
<strong> I dont think we can experience those feelings again...not like we did in highschool. I think it has to do with maturity first and foremost. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with you to a point. I do think a lot of it has to do with maturity. Because as we mature and age obviously our personalities evolve based upon our knowledge and experiences.

I remember the 1st time I drove a race car. It was a 1/4 mile of absolute adreniline rush. I got done and my whole body was shaking. As I became more experienced and matured as a driver much of the "rush" wore off. I took a year break after my 1st year. Guess what? When I climbed back into that car it was like the 1st time again. After not being able to drive for a year I never took it for granted again and pushed the envelope everytime I got behind the wheel.

But with my heart, am I willing to "totally" open up like I was 15 years ago. Now that I've been betrayed, matured, and had way too much life experience? I believe that if I'm not willing to do that then there is no way I'll ever get those feelings again because all love would be defined within the safety of my boundries.

OK I think I'm confused and rambling... Need some more thinking time on this one.

LH,

I think the answer is "You never get a second chance to make a FIRST impression." That does NOT mean you cannot be very deeply in love, but the circumstances of most first loves cannot be duplicated.

There is the hormonal issue.
The innocence (sp) issue.
The uniqueness issue.
The novelty issue.

None of these can be replaced. However I have noticed that some of my friends (in their late 50's and early 60's) have developed relationships after divorce or death of a spouse that resemble 1st love. My speculation is that they are all financially where they are going to be. Children are on their own. Often they are retired or have plenty of vacation time. There is a "newness" to their lives that means a new person has a bigger impact.

So can you have another 1st love? I don't think so.
Can it ever feel like that again? Not exactly.

However, the sense of freedom I recall with a 1st love. The lack of boundaries in my life I think could be replicated and the "wonder" that someone loves us and wants to be with us, can surely come back.

I married later than most and frankly the first love was never duplicated because it was never tainted by LIFE. It was the fantasy that many affairs bring out. It was not affected by money, where to live, who did the laundary, homework with the kids, etc. Just a neat ephemeral feeling of single minded focus.

Some of that can happen, but none of my 1st love was real. All my needs in the real world were being taken care of by my family and 1st love just had to "be there" to meet the one remaining need. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh! well, it is nice to think of these things again. I do hope LH, that you find the woman that can look you in the eye and turn you to jelly. I suspect she is out there.

God Bless,

JL

I think GnomeDePlume answered the question perfectly....or at least how I would have! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And what Just Learning said....you can't duplicate a "first"....no matter what....doesn't mean the second or third is any less of a love.

I think we CAN love fully, deeply and whole-heartedly again, despite having a first, second or third love. I believe we all have alot of love in us, much more than we can every really reciprocate. And I think you can fall-in-love or be a soulmate with more than one person in a lifetime.

It's out there waiting (like the Dixie Chicks song http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/dixiechicks/ibelieveinlove.html) ....we just have to go and find it.