Here is my story. My 12 year marriage was been somewhat rocky since we moved back to her home city from Atlanta. I'm 39, she's 37, and we have two little girls, 5 and 8. She started working about 3 ½ years ago, and we have been really busy since, probably growing apart to a large extent.
She was always been a little overweight, and had some extra pounds after the kids. She decided to do weight watchers and lost a ton of weight; she really looked better than she ever did her whole life. She started wearing tight clothes (miniskirts, etc.) and colored her blonde hair red. I asked her why she was working so hard to loose weight, and she said it’s her last chance to “look hot”.
She goes out to karaoke with her friends (often at a lesbian bar, but she is straight, as far as I know). Of course, I didn't go, because I hate karaoke, and I didn't want to hang out at a lesbian bar. Anyway, things started getting really weird when she was in a band for a charity event. She was practicing 2x per week for a couple of months, coming home at midnight. Seemed like an awful lot for a one-night deal. Oh by the way, the band includes a 24 year old boy who works with her, and who recently moved out of his parents house to his own apartment.
So all summer, she is going out late (3:30 am on weekend, sometimes during week), and starting to be very secretive. She wants her space. She doesn't like me asking her questions like where she was, or what she did. She started talking about this 24 year old at her work a lot. She had Friday afternoons off, and I thought she would go get the kids. But instead, she would call me to say she was at her friend's pool, and could I pick up the kids. Evidence shows she was at his apartment pool. In fact, I ended up picking up the kids a lot, since she said she had to “work late”.
So in August, we got in a big fight about something really silly (I think she picked it), then the next week, she announces that she wants a divorce. The following week, she says she wants a separation, and I need to move out. I go stay at a hotel for a week, and then was in an apartment for about 6 months. She called me 2x demanding a quick divorce.
She filed for D about 3 weeks later, and the D was final the 1st week in Feb (5 months after she announced all of this). We split the kids basically 50/50, I kept the house, and she gets a lot of money in CS every month.
It appears that her relationship with the OM fell apart after the separation. She has always denied an affair, but others (neighbors, etc.) have confirmed it.
Penny recommended a PP after the D, which I have done for about 3 months, letter and all. In the last couple of weeks, though, she has been calling me a lot, wanting help or just for silly things. I thought the ice was melting a little, maybe the fog lifting. She came over a couple times, and we had nice conversation. I bought presents for the kids to give her for mothers’ day, and she thanked me and said it was thoughtful.
However, I found her yahoo personals ad, here: (
Yahoo Personals ad ). The first picture has her leaning against the OM, and the third is the Ex in the band with him. She appears to be going through a major mid-life crisis.
The kids tell me that they met a/the guy that the Ex is dating. They have met him twice, and apparently they spent mother's day with him. The older daughter says he was nice and held a caterpillar in his pocket for her. They went to the art festival at a park near my house, which is what we (Ex, me and the kids) always did on Mothers day.
He is a little older than me, and has two kids that are older than mine.
I'm feeling really miserable right now... Not sure why, since she has already had at least one "boyfriend" already, but I guess I've been really hoping that things would work out with her, and now that hope is completely dashed.
Also, the kids told me that the Ex said that she would never marry me again, and that the divorce was because we fought too much.
Thoughts? Recommendations? Should I just throw in the towel and try to not think about it?
