Well, the proverbial **** has hit the fan...or it will be this weekend when my W returns from her out of state 3 month internship. I copied some material from a previous post from a few weeks ago to lend some details.

I thought things were getting better. You may want to jump down and read my previous post as opposed to the material below which happened last night.

Brief Summary of Last Week:
WW came home last weekend after being away almost 2 weeks. I bought her 2 dozen roses, we went out to dinner, champagne/brie at our home, overall a great weekend. Made L Monday nite but I wasn't that good. She put pictures of us in a photo album which she started a month ago. Previously she put all of the cards I had given her over the last 10 months in the mirror in our bedroom and put a picture of us over my bureau.

She started this internship right after our return trip from Mexico. She felt I wasn't fully behind it from the start (understandably so after what has happened) but is returning home each weekend in May...and then we are supposed to leave for a trip to Alaska in early June.

So, I called her last night and asked her I am a little lonely, can you say something good about me? She asked what do I mean? I said I guess I would like to hear a compliment about me or us, just something, I am hurting a little and need some reassurance. She then launched into a diatribe about this internship and how I have not supported her, she needs to do what is right for her. We discussed alot of stuff...I only seem to want sex, she does not want to go to MC, she has been miserable for months but has been trying, she feels uncomfortable with me, when we were together in Mexico I only wanted to make L/she felt like she was with a friend and not her husband (I don't know how more romantic I could have been with handholding, compliments about her outfits, etc.) Anyway, she basically said she is unhappy and the spark is not there and I am not happy and what are we going to do about it.

Let me backtrack for a minute: when she left to leave early Tuesday AM I rummaged through her luggage bag and found a sexy nightslip...why would she be taking this back to her apartment? She rarely wore these at home (once in awhile) but would wear them on trips/vacation. We have spoken on the phone everyday (2X) and typically once at night to wish each other good night. So, Tuesday, she calls me late in the afternoon, we chat for a minute and says she will call me later. I never hear from her..call her cell, no answer..call her apartment (11:30PM), no answer. The next morning I call her...we say hi, and then she says she got home from work and went right to bed at 8:30AM. She tells me she turned her cell off and unplugged her apartment phone since there is a message on the apartment phone and the phone rings every 10 minutes to indicate there is a message.....I listened to this and did not know what to say. Of course, I am thinking something is going on.

So, back to last night's talk...I then asked Please tell me the truth, when was the last time you spoke to him? No response. She never shared the cell bills with me and never rebuilt the trust which was lost and shattered.

I left it you have 2 choices..you either want me or you don't...and will you go to counseling? She said she did not know to the first and no to the second.

So, I am prepared to file...I just a little closure and need to look at the next cell bill or buy it online.

I grew from this experience and she did not..she is the same, selfish, self-centered, insecure 8 year old girl in a 36 year old body. I became the better person and changed myself.

I need to rant here for a minute. But I truly know what to do.

Thanks for Listening.


PREVIOUS POST, April 30th:
Me-BS, 40; W-WS, 36. Married almost 10 years, no kids, 2 dogs. W had ~9 month A with out of state co-worker; they typically met at company meetings out of state. OM is M and 50 with kids. D-Day 10/11/03. She was wrong and admitted to that but not a whole lot of remorse; every big R or A discussion led to LBs; she said I drove her away via not talking to her and withdrawing. I never informed the OMW. Our mutual friend told me a few months ago it is over...but I am guessing it may have been the OM decision and maybe not hers (our friend indicated he was in Lust with her and not love). I believe their parting was a bitter one and she was hurt. I think she really fell for this OM. I found a love note and card from him to her but nothing from her to him. There were an incredible # of cell phone calls between them starting last May through December.

She came home last weekend after being away almost 2 weeks. I bought her 2 dozen roses, we went out to dinner, champagne/brie at our home, overall a great weekend. She put pictures of us in a photo album which she started a month ago. She started this internship and felt I wasn't fully behind it from the start (understandably so after what has happened) but is returning home each weekend in May...and then we are supposed to leave for a trip to Alaska in early June.

I had believed the A ended in late November but I never really got the story from her and we never went to MC. She was not able or willing to come clean. I expressed interest in going to MC. She had only admitted to being with OM once (last June). I knew there were more episodes which she never admitted to. Each discussion always had huge LB between us and she would just shut down. I started Plan A last September and it continues to the present day. We talked several times over the winter and the previous (to last evening)BIG discussion about us or the A was right after V-Day (which was a great weekend) and she said that I had to let this go in order for us to move forward. I told her I would try and let go and tried to be the very loving/caring person I am. Prior to this I had threatened to end their R in order to save our M by exposing the A to OMW. She said if I did that to consider us over. I was the one who went to counseling and changed myself for the better to gain my respect and self esteem back. I was also hoping she would also change.

I still do not have access to her cell phone bills which I was originally requesting months ago. She told me in mid-Feb they no longer talk. She was never willing to write a NC letter, she is a very stubborn woman with alot of pride.

We just returned from a trip to Mexico (SF 3 times, first time that's happened in years)and spent alot of quality time together and had alot of fun. However, this was a work related trip and she commented to keep the public display of affection toned down. This happened once before and I look at her increduously like, are we M or what?? I almost feel like I am cramping her style at times.

This trip was the prelude to a 3 month out-of-state internship my W is doing for her career (she is the breadwinner and makes a lot of $). She just left Monday. We will see each other every other weekend or so. I never was 100% behind this but she really wanted to do it so it felt like I did not have much choice in the matter. She really is the Executive Career type of Woman. I told her we need to talk every day and please call me if you are lonely, I don't care if it's 3 AM.

Anyway, of course I am concerned since she is not with me and has her own apartment. My 40th b-day just passed--we celebrated in Mexico---and I was a little bummed she did not get me a card. Not a huge deal but was hoping for some inner thoughts/wishes from her. Also, I started freaking out last night since I could not find our joint credit card. We have 2 joint cards and I also have my own card (she does not have her own card). The card was not in my wallet. Well, I started telling her last night I may have lost the card and she apologized and said she took the card prior to her leaving on Monday because she now needs to use this card exclusively for this internship (she has an AMX card for work but this is not accepted everywhere). I said when were you going to tell me? She again apologized and said she simply forgot with all of the trip/new apartment details/etc. I did not make a big deal about it and let it go.

This 3-month task will be completed late July. We talk about future plans, trips, etc. We will be seeing each other a fair amount over the next few months even though she is gone.

It just seems like our M is not the priority I think it should be. Her priority is her career. And, granted, we have a lifestlye that most people do not have because of her career/success. I know she turned away from me a few years ago and put her energy into this which has bred alot of success. But at what cost?

--------------------
Me: BS, 40
W: WS, 36
9 Month A
D-Day: 10/11/03
I think it's over