WishIWereHome,

Why on earth would you have allowed her to take the kids out of their home and away from you?

Greengables,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess it comes down to whether you believe any marraige is better than divorce.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I have been very consistent on that point - the only good reason for leaving a spouse is if you or your children's lives are in danger. Marriage is permanent. Period.

Separation, controlled or not, is almost never good for a marriage, and it is H*** for the kids. The best thing for the children is to see their parents work out their problems, but even if they never really do, it is better for the children to have both parents there.

You don't destroy a relationship just because it is difficult - otherwise almost everyone would throw their kids out of the house as soon as they turn 13. You don't go into parenthood thinking you can get out of it if it is more difficult or less fun that you expect (at least I hope you don't) - marriage, like parenthood, is a one way trip.

Nellie, GG, and WIWH,

Let me thank you sincerely for your posts. I know that you're all struggling with the same issues that I am, in various ways, shapes, and forms.

Basically, I'm coming from the same place as you, Nellie. I don't want to do this, my wife wants it, so I think she should the decent thing and leave, if that's what she wants. If she wants to stay and work on the marriage, then I'll be there and give it everything I have. Yes, I still love her, and she still claims that she loves me.

I've even offered trial separation ("controlled separation") with me moving out, and she thought it over and said no, that would just be a ploy to get me out of the house.

There are 4 persons in his household, and 3 of them don't want me to leave: of this I am absolutely sure. There's one person that thinks splitting up the family is "what's best for everyone", and that's my wife.

My kids are scared enough right now without me packing up and leaving, along with the inevitable move out of the neighborhood, decline in our standard of living from supporting 2 households instead of 1, and general turmoil from not knowing where they'll live.

B/T/W, I had a phone session with Steve Harley on Thursday, and he agreed that, if I want to work on the relationship ("Plan A"), then I should not move out. That pretty much cemented it for me. He said that, unless you can't stop hurting each other, moving out is not really the answer.

So, here I stay. Thanks again.