I have been married for 18 months to my wife. We are now separtated. She has lied to me in the past, she has been smoking pot, she has sister who is a heavy drug user and she has tried many times to get wife to take drugs. She will go to see her sister for a day and ends up staying for 3 days and doesn't call and let me know where she is. I don't know if she is dead from accident or what, she says that she doesn't have to call and check in with me. I feel this isn't checking in with me, just letting me know she is okay. A couple of times we had plans and she just stayed there and never called. She works nights and gets done at 12:00 and sometimes she doesn't get home untill 3 or 4 in the morning. She says she went for coffee and should'nt have to call and let me know. But when you wake up at 2:00 in the morning and wife isn't there you worry, don't you? She has had other people lied for her as well as her kids. We do not have any kids together. can any one help me?

uh, yeah, she DOES have to call...it's called 'common courtesy'. I am kind of at a loss here to help you. It sounds very much to me like she really doesn't want to be married. Have you asked her if she does? Or are you afraid of the answer?<p>You have to determine if you can continue to go on like this---I couldn't. It doesn't sound like she'd go for marriage counseling at this point. She really sounds very immature and irresponsible. I would rather be married to an adult.<p>Aside from that, is it possible that she is having an affair? Being Missing In Action is definitely a red flag and not wanting to explain her whereabout is as well.<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

Jesus man!! <p>get the hell out of that situation! she DOES have to call, and if she loves you she won't question that she has to call! just like you have to call!<p>if she is willing to say she doesn't, then get a divorce!

Dear Kids
Good grief Charlie Brown!!!!! What is with all these divorce pushing people? Does noone remember the part of the wedding vows about death do us part?!?!? Son you need to get in touch with alanon and learn how to lead this person out of the temptation that they have fallen into. With love and patience and some education in how a marrige realy should work ( READ THE BOOK! (S)(His Needs Her Needs, Love Busters)) you may be able to turn a bad time (" in sickness and in health , for better and for worse" ) into a turning point in your lives. She may very well leave you eventualy rather than turn her back on her other life, but I feel that to shirk your responsibility to her would leave both of you sad. I am a 42 yr old Christian that stands by the Bible which says that if you divorse you either stay that way or get back with your wife. Not a very popular position these days but it is Gods will that should be done not ours for a reason, he knows infinitely more than us and knows the truth, if you have any more Q's ,,,, read the book! (Bible)
Take Care and may God be with both of you.

I agree in some ways with all the posts. I do believe she does have to call. I do believe she is immature. I do believe she needs to be more courteous to you and your feelings. Did you know this person when you married her? Did she change suddenly? I would be suspicious of an affair. <p>I also agree that marriage is forever. For better or worse. You should seek counselling. Even if she won't go it will benefit you. James Dobson has a book called Love Must Be Tough. I would recommend it. You can order it online at family.org. Hang in there with her. Reminder her that she is married now. She needs to become committed to the marriage. <p>You might also consider researching how a spouse can deal with a spouse that is abusing drugs. She may be having an affair with an addiction. <p>Best of luck to you.