This post is mainly a vent. I need to air out this thing and gather my strength. Thanks for being there for me at this moment in time.

It's hard to deal with knowing a 12-year relationship is over. We have been M almost 10 years. And, like most couples, had issues here or there.....but no excuse for infidelity. My wife had an A. And I vowed I would never be lied to again. Well, she lied to me again. And I called the OMW on Friday. She apparently called my W. And may be contacting their company. I actually believe the A is over...but my W told me 3 months ago they were no longer talking....and this a lie since they still are....she says to me yesterday he is pursuing her...I said that is the first honest thing you have told me in 6 months.

I am the BS and thought we were on the rebound. We just returned from a vacation to Mexico, had previously gone to Vegas as well. We were talking more, planning trips, etc. Our 10 year anniversary is this fall. However, I was always insecure about us and was trying to re-establish myself with her and wanted to make L much more often than in the past. She was taking this approach as I was just looking at her like a sex object which was the last thing I wanted. She had started an internship out of state and returned last weekend where we had alot of fun together (I bought 2 dozen roses, had a great date night, champagne/stawberries, etc.). We talked on the phone 2-3x each day while she was gone. I jumped for joy when she told me last week that she would be able to come home every weekend due to her work schedule. And, we were due to leave in 2 weeks to go to Alaska.

I also had not seen her in 2 weeks and had a strong desire to be with her. I spoke with her about it during the weekend. We both looked great when we went to dinner. We made L at the end of the weekend and it was not good and I sincerely apologized to her and told her I would make it up to her this weekend with a picnic and special time devoted just to her.

Well, the bomb dropped Thursday night. It was unbelieveable after the weekend we just had. I was finally starting to feel closer to her. She told me enjoys her time alone, was trying to see if the spark was still there over the last few months and felt completely used and "like a piece of meat" after our LM. She felt like she was with a "friend" and not her husband in Mexico. She still cannot let go things I did 5 years ago.

We spoke alot over the last 48 hours. I told her without counseling we cannot continue in a dishonest relationship. She says I can't meet her needs and she can't meet mine. Other issues between us are big: supposed lack of respect for her by my family, I always controlled the $ and did things without her involvement, I do not respect her opinion. These were all the reasons she gave as to what happened. And she never asked for my forgiveness or showed remorse. So, D is the only course of action.

Weird, though...I returned from the ball game yesterday...she went shopping...and proceeded to show me everything she bought, shoes, suits, etc. We then cracked a beer outside together...and started digging weeds. She brushed up against me 2x, was acting a little flirty, come see this flower, come here etc. We planted some plants. She seemed to like the attention.

Then, this AM, very distant..and me as well. I told her I will be calling the lawyer soon.

Time to move on.

Nature:

I know you said that you are just venting, but I just wanted to add my take. Affairs are addicting. They are exciting. They are very hard to stop. Especially the phone calls and the chit-chat. If you truly want her back then you are going to have to put up with a lot of “disappointments”. If contact is still being made then you probably should contact the company (I assume they are coworkers).

This is messy, and it hurts. It can get better. It may just take a lot of time. Plan B her if you feel you love slipping. It costs a lot less then a divorce.

Cheers,

CN

Thanks, CN.

I know there would be ups and downs. I had read this site quite a bit and followed Plan A. Unfortunately, I did not expose this earlier...and of course my W said to me over the weekend it never was about him, it was the issues between us that were a problem and I never seemed to grasp that.

The feedback given to me by other respondents was you can only change yourself and no one else. You cannot trust her because of .......she does not see the consequences of her actions, etc.
She never expressed sincere interest in MC last year when she expressed her discontent with our M. She did not believe in it. Did not want to do the Needs Questionnaires. Did not want to talk about what happened, it's over, let it go if we are to move forward. So, not alot of concrete effort on her part towards our M. Never agreed to the NC letter which I had written up.

I am the one who went to C, read the self help books, and basically changed myself and showed truly my changes in place. Unfortunately, I always seemed to want to make L more often, and was often rejected. About 3 months ago I told her I will not touch her anymore since I am always rejected...and she said, no, do not do that, and I do not always reject you.

Another big issue was we originally wanted to have children. She began to focus on her career and became incredibly successful...so now she says she does not want kids and I do and does not want 10 years to go by and end up hating each other.

I now believe she checked out of this awhile ago and it was an exit A. She seemed to think we were cohabitating and that was it, we never talked, etc.

I mean, how much can one person take? Her heart is not in it.

It appears the OMW may be contacting their employer. They are high paid executives and had previously met at out of state business meetings.
My wife is now involved in an out of state internship...she seems to enjoy being alone.

So, after all of the lying my patience has expired. I do not think I can do a plan B. Her heart does not seem into me at all.

I need to move on and begin a new Life.

Thanks for any thoughts or encouragement....I wish it could better but she cannot face the demons inside herself foremost and that is the problem. I also think she just thinks of me as a friend an no longer her guy.