Briefly contacted the ex today. Bills need to be paid that he has to pay. He mentioned before he left for Arizona that he thinks that I should claim bankruptcy. Well, today it comes out why. He stated to me, that I could claim all the medical bills that the judge ordered him to pay, and my lawyers bill and claim bankruptcy. Then he stated that he could pay me the money that is owed for the medical bills directly to me after the bankruptcy. Do I have a stamp on my forehead that says STUPID!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Needless to say, that my credit will be screwed like his has been for over 20 years, he only has credit under his mothers credit. Needless, to say that his statement shows that he doesn't want to be responsible for his part of the divorce. Judge ordered him to pay the medical bills, for this is his history of the ex. He doesn't pay medical bills, and then lets them ride for 6-8 years and takes and settles at 1/2 or less the bill. But he said today, that he would pay me the money owed towards the medical bills directly to me. Where is the guarantee that I would get it? Where is the guarantee that he will follow through? NONE, whatsoever, NONE!!!!

Just amazes me how the wayward spouse thinks. I guess he sees me as the stupid exwife. I was amazed that he would say such an irrational thing. This man is intelligent, but these words came from someone that must think that I have no brains. Oh well, that is his words, and these words are RADICALLY HONEST words that came from the wayward spouses mouth.

I will continue to pray for him, I do pray for him everynight and my children. For we all need the higher power help.

Seems to me that if you contacted your lawyer (to whom he owes the money too) and let him know what your X is trying to get you to do. He (the attorney) could file an order of contempt with the court.
Does your X look good in Orange? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I do believe that is the color of choice in jail <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Actually he looks good in many colors, but he HATES orange. I didn't realize what his intentions were when he mentioned this bankruptcy before, weeks ago. Yesterday, he came forward with the exact words and I just shook my head and realized this man is all out for what is good for him only. Just more of the wayward selfishness. I realize now, he is a lost soul trying to dig himself out of a big hole that he himself created. Well, I am not one of the people outside the hole that is going to drop him a rope, and have him pull me into his hole of H3LL! I would much rather give him a ladder and have him crawl out by himself little by little. I would help this man with the honesty of the Lord, but to be pulled into his scheme, is not going to happen. He himself has created this debtness of bills.

Just a little update. Not getting pulled down into his trap. I am moving ahead, and leaning on the Lord to help.

I think I would share with him that a good name and a clear conscience are much better than any sum of money he wants to give you.

But don't take my word for it, let's check out scripture

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Proverbs 22<strong>
1 A good name is more desirable than great riches;
to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So declaring bankruptcy, to get out of a debt that he is saying he can afford to pay, by offering the money to you is not something you can do in clear conscience.

Or better yet, don't say anything to him, and simply have your lawyer draft him that letter, along with a reminder that he owes a certain amount of money to that law firm.

I would make sure I had a log of the phone conversations, such as on May 17th at about xx:yy , exH called me and proposed...

Tony

You are being facetious here aren't you?
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> these words are RADICALLY HONEST words that came from the wayward spouses mouth
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">More applicable words would be Radically Deceitful.

Why does your ExH not file bankruptcy?
If "he only has credit under his mothers credit" but he has the resourses to pay you </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> he could pay me the money that is owed for the medical bills directly to me after the bankruptcy</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">then wouldn't you be involved in a fraudlulent scheme?

IF the judge has ordered him to pay your medical bills, and he hasn't, then LET HIM remain in contempt of court. Sooner or later it will all catch up with him.

Those bills are NOT your problem.
HE is your problem.
And his continuous attempts at manipulation.

Since it appears he has plenty of available cash, why don't you allow him to purchase a new door to secure the home where his children sleep each night?

Yes the radical honesty statement was words of sarcasim. A wayward spouse speaks no honesty. I do realize that I would be committing fraud if I were to follow this scheme of claiming bankruptcy and he paying me cash. And where is the guarantee that he would pay me after all - NONE!!!! As far as I see, he is in contempt of court, but that would be for my new lawyer to show the paperwork to the judge. I hate doing this, but I have been waiting almost a year for him to clear the records. Almost divorced for a year. According to the divorce decree, he had 30 days, 60 days, and 90 days to get things done. Not much has been done according to the decree that the judge ordered.

I do realize that he has to pay what he has accrued. He has to abide by the rules, for he told me yesterday that no judge can make him pay anything. And he said, the judge can't make him pay anything. More of the wayward spouse foggy talk, and controller manipulation.

Yes, he has money, he is able to afford to buy things at random and doesn't flinch. He talks a good talk, but God sees his talk.

Java - I don't see where he has a conscience about his name. For what he stated, was a deceitful thing to say. I feel he doesn't want a good name in faith, or to others. Where I see his statement leading, is that he will be in the clear, he won't have to pay the medical bills ordered by the judge. But he continues on purchasing things without flinching. Yes, he has credit only under his mothers name. When she dies, he will be in deep trouble.

I thought that he should probably do bankruptcy himself. But he doesn't want that on his shoulder. But he doesn't mind me having it on my shoulder. He lives on a one way Street, his wayward street.

I owe my lawyer money, he owes the medical bills debt ordered by the judge. That is the way it stands, and I think that I have been more than patient. It is time for my life to move on without him.

Faith4me,

I must not have been clear, I was talking about your good name being more important than the "riches" he is offering to go along with such a scheme.

No big deal, but I wanted to be perfectly clear.

Tony

Sorry I misunderstood. I want my name to be in the good to myself, to God. I don't want to be led into a scheme delivered by Satan. Just sad that this man I loved with all my heart, would suggest this. But that is the wayward spouse foggy talk.

What I have done during the affair, the pre divorce, divorce has all been legal. I have done nothing wrong, and my ex treats me with such disrespect. Sad but true.

I don't believe at this time, there will be a friendship between us. One, I don't trust him. Java you know who he is. He will state things here that he gives advice to others. When I wanted him to do the same actions, he called me a f&cking b*tch and etc. Now he is giving the same advice. Whats with the changed words.

All I want to do is protect myself. Yes, I have to protect myself from the ex. For I feel he has no guilt or compassion on what he does to me. Would be nice to live a normal life, without having to watch every step. I talked to someone today about this. And they are always lurking around the corner, watching their every move for protection. The exs know what buttons to push. And my ex was so upset with me for setting boundaries of him coming over to my house unannounced. All I wanted him to do was call before he came over. All I was doing was protecting myself. Protecting my safe zone. Cause I would come home from school and he was here in my home. This was not a safe zone for me. He didn't have to worry about me coming to his temporary bedroom residence at his mothers. Cause I had no reason to be there. But he couldn't understand what I wanted. Now he posts that boundaries are needed for the one spouse to keep the other spouse away. And for the one spouse to call to ask if it is okay to come over. And he states it is for their protection. Why in the heck is he saying this now, and when I was stating it to him, he called me names? Java, this is where I am so confused, and just shake my head in exasperation. This is not the only example.

I had a wonderful time at church tonight. We had what was called a SALT group. All the cell groups got together at the church, and we are going to do a bible study from the beginning. Was an interesting session tonight. I love listening to the words coming out of the pastor. He expresses it so clear and when we asks ?'s, he has the answers. He is so educated and well versed, and has a comical side to him.

I do pray for my ex, and for my children. This was not fair to the kids or myself. So prayers are needed. But I am getting stronger, and moving on with my life. Financially, not very good position. As I have posted, ex wants me to claim bankruptcy. But I will get throught his, and become a very strong woman. I have ideas for business opportunities. I am working for cash right now. Not able to live on it, but it is helping out. Just have to wait to see what happens for surgery on shoulder.

Java, it is nice to get your point of view. Sometimes, I do not read posts properly. Still entwined in getting through this mess. But things are starting to become more clear.

I do wish, everyone would be honest with each other. I do wish, that all wayward spouses would be sent to an Island and the fittest survives. That is still something that I wish would happen. And for each affair committed, they were branded with big red A on their forehead. God brands them, automatically. And nothing hides the A's. Just a exotic means of getting my anger out.

Which I am getting better at. I am giving more and more to the Lord. He is helping me, and I have done some remarkable things this past weekend to get some of the anger out. God is working with me and helping me set avenues to get the anger out. And I must say he is AWESOME.

Faith, let's stop talking about your X as a wayward spouse. He's a selfish, conniving SOB, and he didn't need to be wayward to be that. If it were just induced by the affair, the selfishness would have started to wear off. Nope, I'd say it was the other way around, he had the affair b/c he's a selfish, conniving SOB.

On the positive side, he consistently underestimates you. This will prove good for you. Because he underestimates your intelligence and your stamina, he shows his hand and makes serious mistakes that benefit you.

Just say "Thank you for your financial advice. You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

Well, okay, maybe you say nothing and just let your lawyer handle it.

Aren't you so relieved you are out of that quagmire?

So he's doing nothing new at all. Same crud. And he is who he is and at some point we have to stop being shocked at their poor behaviors. That was some of the best advice ever given me...was given by the good doc who posts occasionally on divorcing btw...he told me last year that I shouldn't be surprised at anything my x does or suggests.

He's responsible so make it so. Show us what you are going to do now about him. And yea, he's the x and it's not really important if they're wayward because that's what made him become the x....more circular thinking so just accept him and the stunts he will pull and deal with each one and set it aside. That's what I do and nothing sets me off too much anymore btw.