My marriage is on the express train towards divorce. I wake up some mornings wishing it would go faster and some wishing it would stop so we could try to work towards getting back together. My WW expresses no interest in working things out, she just wants a happy/ friendly divorce. I don't have that in me. I see it as either work towards saving our marriage or work towards being enemies and which way I want to go changes daily, sometimes more often. Anybody else here feel that way too?

All the time!!!!

Today I love her with all my heart, tommorrow I hate her for doing this to us.

It takes a while to find what you trully want but once you do, if you keep on that track of working your hardest to what you trully want, in the end you will be content with the outcome no matter what it is.

I say put aside your feelings toward W at times and think about what it is going to take to make you happy.

WIWH

I think you are exactly right WIWH. I need to take some time and think what would make ME happy. Why should I want someone who has been unfaithful and lied to me for years. The kids will be fine. I need to be fine too. I didn't get married to get a divorce but I didn't think the one I chose would ever do something like my WW has. Bring it on. Lets get it over and move on.

Many of us are in your shoes. There are times that we think about our wayward spouses and care very deeply for them. And then there are the times that we wish they would be transported to the farthest planet. All of those wayward spouses.

It is the rollercoaster ride that accompanies emotional feelings. I for one didn't believe that my exH would after 25 years of marriage do such deceitful lieing act in his life. To lie about his affair, to lie about his sexual connection with the OW, to lie to the kids. But you know, they will get their return.

I am starting to see this roller coaster ride as a ride of emotional betrayal and untrustworthyness. And you will one day too. The roller coaster ride is so unbearable at times. You haven't encountered the misleading advice that they will give to you. I have and still am getting this untrusting advice as of yesterday.

They (wayward spouse) talk through their fogg, not even sure of what they are saying. There is one thing for certain, that God will take care of you. God has seen me through the worst of worst. I do not wish an affair on anyone, divorce on anyone, or betrayal and abandonment on anyone. But God has made me so much stronger. I have found avenues to take that are so wise and strong. Many people have offered me advice, some good some bad.

This is your time to work on yourself. Find your path of happiness. Work on doing things for you, to improve yourself. That is what I did, went to a university the last 2 semesters. Found that I can had a high degree university could get 1 A and 2 B's. I had low self-esteem. But I am finding that I know that God loves me. My family loves me, and that I am a worthwhile person.

This is your time to reflect on your life. See what you would like to do in your future. Join clubs, organizations, groups to meet new people. I joined a very strong church, and have had many outings with the church. We are doing a outing this Saturday. I have done some soul searching into the person that I know I am. I am a caregiver. I am very compassionate. I love people, I try to help as many people as I can. I find that my love towards others is helping others too. I love my kids with all my heart. And would give any part of my body to enhance their lives. They are the gift that God gave to me. I bless my ex for these children. For I did chose this man to have children with. And I did receive 4 awesome young adults. They are all intelligent, moving on with their lives, through this terrible train wreck. And they have had to witness a father that showed no morals, no committment, no respect. A father that was selfish acting, and encooperated a woman of low values into his life, and she used him as well as the rest of the family. This woman showed the kids how to use a man to get money. How to betray a family. This was the womans for sure 2nd sexual affair in her marriage. The first was with the minister of a church.

Anyways, my young adults are much stronger, and much wiser.

Ping pong balls is a good example of how you feel. Believe us here, we all have experienced those feelings, and most of us are moving ahead. For most of us are stronger now, and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. As well as most of our children are too.

Take control of your life. This is what it is all about. Control your life, and let the wayward spouse be taken by the control of satan. There will be a return for them in the long run. God sees all actions, saw their deceit, betrayal, abandonment and mistrust. Good luck.

DJ:

Hey man I feel the same way…all the time!!! Some days I will be going along just fine, minding my own business, getting on with things and it will just hit me like a ton of bricks (This happened to me Saturday afternoon) how much I miss just being a family with her. I miss the sound of her voice… well not her voice these days, but the pleasant inflection that I used be greeted with when calling… I miss coming home to her… I miss just laying next to her at night and waking up with her in the morning. So what do you suppose I did…??? I called her up to say “Hi, how is your day going?” Going against every fiber of logic in my body I decided to call and say hi. How do you suppose I was received? “You would be proud of me, I’m taking the afternoon off from being a whore. [censored] you!” Then she hung up. I sat down and cried. Haven’t done that in a few months, it felt good.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, sometimes I find myself missing her more than I could ever imagine…. Then she does something or says something or just treats me in such a way that shakes me up and makes me ask myself…”Why in the hell would you EVER want this woman back?” So, I have to force myself to believe that this all happens for a reason and God knows what is best and in the long run I don’t need someone like that in my life and I will be happier when it is all said and done.

I don’t have any salient words of wisdom… but it seems to me that none of us are here in this spot because we wanted these things to happen, none of us wants to get divorced from our spouses. The simple fact is that it is out of our control, it isn’t up to me if my W leaves and goes to live with the OM, it isn’t up to me that her vows mean nothing to her, and her life isn’t mine to live (or ruin). So, that said, I try to put my emotions and feelings aside and tackle the issues as they come up in a more orderly, practile manner. For me, the best interest of the kids is what rules the day… everyday, so that is where my energies are focused. But, the short answer to your question is a resounding “YES!” Yes, I certainly do feel like a ping-pong ball… on an hour by hour basis.

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: Want My Wife Back??? ]</small>

Thanks F4m. Looks to me like you've BTDT.
WMWB??? I have read several of your posts always have to check and see if you wrote it or I did. The kids are the main focus. I used to think I couldn't live without my W. Now I know I can. But without my kids? Don't think so. I have to do the best I can for them and their interest. They are very unhappy with their mother for moving out and her relationship with OM. I answer their questions as honestly and descretely as I can. I get them for the next six weeks and I'm going to do my best to make it as fun as possible so we can maybe forget our troubles for awhile.

My counsolor says it is normal. The ups and down. To expect it. We have spent alot of energy to make our marraige work. So it will leave us void. (my addition) We have to greive it. At our own pace.

<small>[ May 18, 2004, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: Stone Cold ]</small>

My xh went to the marriage counselor and on his first visit, he said he wanted the counselor to convince me there was life after divorce. Isn't that sweet? (Where is that 'throw up' emoticon?)

Talk about ping pong balls.

Cinderella,

wow..that is a real kick in the guts...I am terrified that my WAW will want say that to our marriage counselor...next time we meet.

Hang in there...you don't deserve that...

You guys get to go to counseling? Together? We did that the last time we had "trouble". Now I have found out that she had an A at that time. That didn't come out in counseling. If you don't tell the truth, whats the point? This time I have my counselor and I think she kept her initial appointment with hers. If she told him the truth, she might not have gone back, probably didn't like what he had to say. She probably didn't tell him the truth, the aliens controlling her mind wouldn't let her.

Woke up this a.m. (like you could call that sleep) feeling good and ready for the aliens that are controlling her mind to take the whole WW to where ever their planet is so I don't have to see her ever again. Thats waivering tonight. Ping pong,ping pong,...........