I received notice that I had a certified letter at the post office Friday. When I spoke with my W that night (we talk almost every night after I/she talks with our son) I asked her if it was from her, and she said it was. She said she just didn't know if she could ever trust me again and that she couldn't be in a marriage without trust. We talked on the phone quite a bit Friday and Saturday, we went to church Sunday then went to lunch together. She has kept all of the cards and letters that I have sent her over the last three months and we usually go out to lunch together once a week. It just doensn't seem like thats something a person would do when they want to move on or separate from the other person.

When I went to pick up our son for the week Sunday we talked for a couple minutes, she gave me a hug and told me that she was sorry that she just couldn't get past this right now (I'm guessing she meant the situation that happened the one night when my depression almost made me commit suicide). She is very sad and very upset.
I just don't get it... Last weekend I was being honest with her and told her that I was getting very frustrated that I was not living at home and yet I was still paying all the bills while she got to remain relatively comforatable in the house. I think that may have scared her into thinking that I was going to stop paying the bills and that is why she filed the paperwork. I don't know. We talked Sunday night on the phone for over an hour and a lot of stuff I told her she said she never knew.

I still have hope, I still want to make this work. I can only put it into the hands of the Lord and know that everything will be okay one way
or the other.

Any ideas? Does this sound like someone who really wants to divorce or could she be testing me to see if the changes I have made in my life are real or just superficial? Am I reading too much into it, should I just move on?

Learning Lots,

I know how you feel.

my STBXW lives at home and nothing has changed for her other than me not being there. We spend a lot of time together and get along great in between our divorce mediator appointments.

I don't want a D but she hasn't budged yet so I continue to do my best to show her what she means to me and keep up the hope that things will change.

But if they don't I will always know that it wasn't due to my lack of effort.

Trust takes time to regain. If you continue to show her that she can trust you, things may turn around. Just because she filed paper doesn't mean that you should change your behavior and give up. All this will do is show her that you didn't really mean it and you were just trying to get her back.

And I know from experience, which I'm sure you do to that

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Last weekend I was being honest with her and told her that I was getting very frustrated that I was not living at home and yet I was still paying all the bills while she got to remain relatively comforatable in the house. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does not go over very well


WIWH

I received notice that I had a certified letter at the post office Friday.
I don't think that counts as you getting the papers unless you return a "waiver of Service" letter, which means that you agree to waive getting the papers by a process server.

There are three ways to get divorce papers
1 - Have themn served by a process server.
2 - You get them without being served and sign a waiver of service.
3 - Advertisement in local paper (this is only good if you do not know the address of the other party.)

You don't have to sign a waiver of service if you do not want to.
Do they have a court stamp & case number or is she just kind of winging it?

Well, you need to get a lawyer just in case. Explain to your lawyer that you don’t want to get a divorce and you want to amicably draw this out as long as possible in hopes you can convince her to change her mind.

My lawyer has no problem being slow as molasses. He doesn’t like doing divorces any more, and who can blame him?

From the way you describe it, it doesn’t sound like she really knows for sure. Your wife probably really doesn’t want the old marriage. But she may want you.

I wouldn't say get a lawyer. I would get a mediator. Lawyers suck you dry. If this is what she wants, just take as long as you want. There is a time limit. But if you could show her that you care, then you could continue on with showing her your love.

Serving papers is important step towards divorce. But does not mean final. You can always cancel during the divorce. I know someone that canceled twice the divorce. And are now happily married.

After being married for many years, you take each other for granted. That is what happens to most marriages. I am in an awesome cell group at church. I see 2 couples married many many years. They give gratitude and love to each other. It is so nice to see. They got set in their pattern and are showing their love to each other.

Take it slow, don't push, and work on yourself.

Thanks for the thoughts and concerns.