Well I have never done this before so here it goes. Let me tell you a little about me and my H. We got married in Aug of 2001. He is an artist. We have 2 beautiful girls (10 & 7). He stays up really late and sometimes all night on the internet. He has been looking at porn sites. He doesn't know that I can check the history on the computer. I have come out twice and he has been pleasing himself. Everytime I confront him on this he keeps telling me there is nothing wrong with what he is doing because he is just looking at the artwork. It is very hurtful to me and I have expressed this to him but all he does is get angry and tells me I am over reacting. I have laid many nights alone in bed crying and confused. If you could give advice it would be wonderful. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

My husband looks at (or used to) those cartoons. I personally don't get it but he, too, thinks it's not as bad as looking at 'real' porn. I try not to let it bother me except when it interferes with our sex life. I think men are very easy to stimulate visually and to be honest, sometimes I take care of myself because I really just want the physical release and don't want to have to do the other stuff that goes with it. I know it's selfish but it's the truth.<p>You are going to get tons of responses to this...I think you have to figure out why it bothers you and work out a resolution. Since it bothers me for my h to look at porn, he doesn't do it anymore...and I do check his computer history--altho I really hate that I can't make myself more trusting.

Thank you for your response. I too take care of myself sometimes for the same reasons as you. When I talk to him about this he keeps saying that if I would sit with him and look at that stuff with him then maybe I would understand. Well one night I did it and I still could not figure it out. I have told him that the reason I don't like him looking at that is because it makes me feel less attractive and desireable to him. He says no he thinks I am very beautiful but he has only been doing this for the past 3 months. He never showed any interest in it until then.

I have the same insecurities about this...I'm overweight, over forty and have a great start on grey hair! I really had to come to realize that these are MY issues. That I feel less attractive and afraid he won't want me after looking at these women (cartoons in this case, don't intimidate me like that). <p>My husband showed them to me, too and I didn't get it either. But he really thinks they're funny. Yours is looking at the technique as much as the subject matter, I suspect. <p>I can't tell you that you should be okay with this but I do think you have to examine why it makes you uncomfortable. I did and I don't mind it as much now. I prefer the cartoons to the 'live' models.

Well I thought about why it bothers me when he looks at it and I came to a conclusion. Everytime he looks at it he stays up really late and then comes in the bedroom and wants to have sex with me. That makes me feel like he is not attracted to me and doesn't what to be intimate with me unless he looks at this. Everytime she wants him to spend time with her like watch a movie or something he says no he's busy. It is getting to the point that my kids doesn't even want to be around him because he never wants to spend time with them. On nights that he doesn't have to work the next day, he stays up all night on the computer and then sleeps the day away. And, lately he has been angry all the time and when I ask him whats wrong he tells me nothing not to worry about it. But it's hard when all he does is yell at me and the kids. Anyway, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I can't remember...have you told him how much this bothers you? <p>I suggest reading "relationship rescue"---it's a good book and Dr. Phil has good, common sense advice. Maybe your h will look at it, too. I know my h won't READ the whole book, so I just highlighted some things that I would like to say but Dr. Phil can do it so much better. It sounds like he may be falling into the 'passive-aggressive' pattern of conflict.<p>I suggest counseling...sometimes that third party makes all the difference.

Well, yes I have told him how much this bothers me but he jsut blows it off. I have mentioned counseling to him but there is no way he will go to counseling. He thinks there is nothing wrong with our marriage. I have made an appointment woth my couselor though. I have to talk to him and see maybe if he can get my H in there. Maybe that will help and maybe it won't but I think I have to try. My neighbor has that book. Thanks for the suggestion. I think I will borrow it from her.

You might not be interested in a guys perspective but I have been to porn sites and to "anime". Let me say this. Porn is Porn. Porn is addictive. Porn is dangerous. <p>It will change your husbands behavior. At some point he will come to the place where he prefers to look at the sites and pleasure himself more than the mutual pleasure you two should be sharing. <p>There are a number of good books on the subject. One is called Every Mans Battle. You can find it at Barnes and Noble or you can order it on line at family.org. There are also a number of good online sites that offer help. Use your search engine and search on sexual addiction.<p>Good luck. I wish you the best.<p>Michael