FDA Test

Yesterday, scientists for the FDA suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

No further testing was conducted.

Of course, the further testing would have been whether they could manage a household, childcare, pay all bills, and keep all appts. for even one day. Which, of course, they'd all fail!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Which, of course, they'd all fail!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">On only 6 pints of beer, I agree <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Social Security Applicant


An elderly man tells his wife that he's signing up for social security. She says, "You can't do that, you lost your birth certificate."

He says, "Oh, I'll talk them into it."

So when he returns the next day, he smiles and says, "I'm all signed up and there were no problems."

"Well, how did you do that?" she asks.

He replies, "I took off my shirt and showed her all the gray hair on my chest, and then showed her all the gray hair on my head."

His wife states, "Well, why didn't you drop your pants, we could have gotten disability!"

OK I want to add one

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink.

After sitting there for awhile, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair- given that you are blind- that you should know five things:

1.. Thebartender is a blonde girl.

2.. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3.. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4.. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter.

5.. The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,

"Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

MILITARY WISDOM:

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

"Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend. -U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." -Gen. MacArthur.

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantry Journal

You, you, and you....Panic. The rest of you, come with me." -U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." -US Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." -David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." -Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection." -Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." -U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WishI WereHome:
<strong> "Nah, Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROTFLMAO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ August 08, 2004, 11:30 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.
"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door..
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."